india to appleton

A conversation about skin color

2012-02-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

Well, this afternoon we had a conversation, the kind that many adoptive parents dread. Anya Rashi was sitting at the kitchen table doing a Perler bead project. Out of the blue, she said, "Mom, I wish my skin was white like yours."

Inside my brain, it sounded something like this: "Aaaaaughh! Despite our best attempts, we have raised a child who is not comfortable with her beautiful, brown, Indian skin! We are failures at parenting!" Thankfully, although she is very perceptive about other people's emotions, Anya Rashi cannot yet read minds.

What I actually said was, "Hmm. Why is that, sweetie?"

Anya Rashi: "Because it looks funner to be white."

Me: (WHAT??!) "What do you mean?"

Anya Rashi: "Well, most of the kids at my preschool are white, so it just seems like it would be more fun."

Me: "What about A___, I___, and B___ in your class? They don't have white skin."

Anya Rashi: "No, they don't, but I still wish I had white skin."

Me: "How come?"

Anya Rashi, pointing between herself and me: "So we could look like each other."

Me: "So you wish we looked like each other . . . because we love each other?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes."

And then, I'm not kidding, she starts belting out a song from the movie "Mulan." A movie which she has not even seen -- but she heard this song on a Disney CD we checked out from the library. The lyrics go like this:
"When will my reflection show
Who I am. . .
Inside?"

For real.

So, I recovered my wits and said, "Do you know that people with different-colored skin can love each other and be a family?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes."

Me: "And do you know that I love you?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes!"

Me: "And that you're my favorite 5-year-old on the whole planet?"

Anya Rashi: "Well, my favorite 5-year-olds are A___ and K___ from preschool."

And then we went on naming other favorite people, and ended with me saying, "You know what? I'm glad you tell me what you're thinking about. I love that."

Yikes -- these conversations pop up out of the blue. The first time we talked about skin color, Anya Rashi was three years old. We were looking in the mirror as I helped her brush her teeth. She said out loud that we didn't look like each other, so I asked her what was different about us. After talking about our skin, hair and eyes being different, she stuck out her tongue and said, "But our tongues are both pink!" And then she was done with that conversation.

Since that first time, we've talked about skin color many more times, and I hope we are building a pattern of being able to speak freely about the ways we look different from each other, and how our family looks different from other families. This was the first time she said she wished she had white skin, though -- that kind of threw me for a loop.

We've had conversations about skin color when she sees other people of color at a our sons' school, at a store, etc., when we've read library books about people of color, or she sees people of color in a video or on TV. Or just when it's on her mind. Children are absolutely not color blind, which is a good thing, because the world they're going to be living in is definitely not color-blind either.

We have two books that I love for encouraging conversations: "Amazing Grace," about an African-American girl who wants to play the role of Peter Pan in her class play, and "Martin's Big Words," about the life of Martin Luther King Jr. Once after reading these books aloud, my middle son said, "It's a good thing that we don't have to worry about racism anymore." I love his sweet, pure heart -- but his comment also reveals the reality that race is something Caucasian adults and kids aren't forced to deal with very often.

So how are you handling the topic of skin color with your children? Have they brought it up, or have you chosen to introduce it first? I'd love to have everyone chime in about how they're navigating this subject, and share what's worked well (or not!). Edited to add: And I really do want to hear from everyone -- if you're a Caucasian parent with Caucasian kids, it's just as important for you to be talking about race/appearance and racism . . . and if you don't have kids yet, please also chime in about what you plan to do.

Chola Tikki

2012-02-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

Here is the recipe my friend Michelle used for the delicious chickpea patties! It's from a web site called Manjula's Kitchen, which is a great resource for those new to Indian cooking, because it has videos of each step of the recipes. Enjoy!

CHOLA TIKKI (Chickpea Patties)
1 cup boiled chickpeas
3 medium potatoes
1 Tablespoon shredded ginger
1 Tablespoon chopped cilantro
2 chopped green chilis, seeded (adjust to taste)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Oil to shallow fry or bake

For garnish:
Plain yogurt
Cilantro or coriander chutney
Tamarind chutney or tamarind sauce

Boil potatoes until tender; drain and let cool. (Note: do not cool potatoes under running water because the potatoes will keep absorbing water and become mushy.) When potatoes are cool, peel the skin off and mash them. Drain the water from the chickpeas and blot excess water off with paper towels. Mash chickpeas coarsely; do not make smooth. Mix all ingredients together; adjust salt and pepper to your taste. With oiled hands, divide mixture into 8 or 10 equal portions and shape each into patties, keeping them about 1/2-inch thick. Heat oil in skillet; oil should cover the surface of the pan generously. (Test oil readiness by dropping a little piece of tikki in oil; tikki should sizzle.) Place tikkis in pan and shallow fry on both sides until both sides are golden brown. If the tikkis are very dry, use more oil as needed without making them too greasy.

To serve, drizzle some yogurt and chutneys over hot tikki.

Variation: To bake in oven, preheat to 350 degrees. Brush oil generously on both sides of the tikki, and bake on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes, then turn over and cook for another 10 minutes, or until golden brown.

India Republic Day Feast

2012-01-27T05:51:00.000-08:00

In a happy coincidence, we had a feast of Indian food yesterday, which happened to also be India Republic Day. My friend Michelle wanted to bring a meal to say "thanks" for helping her out a few times by bringing her son home from school, and was in the mood to try some new Indian recipes. Little did she know that one of my love languages is having other people cook for me!

She brought over a delicious assortment of dishes I've never made before: chickpea patties with tamarind sauce and coriander chutney, aloo curry, and a mild but flavorful green bean and pea dish.

The potato (aloo) curry was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten, and it was delicious! I had already spooned some of it on the kids' plates before I saw the whole chili peppers cleverly hidden under cilantro leaves . . . and Aaron took a big bite before noticing that his mouth was about to erupt in flames. So, naturally, I took his picture.

I enjoy spicy food, so this dish, accompanied by yogurt and jasmine rice, was a treat. Even with my "cast iron" stomach, though, I could feel the burn. Nathan and Anya Rashi were good sports about tasting it, even after they saw Aaron's reaction! The chickpea patties were a big hit, and Michelle prepared them the healthy way: brushed with oil and baked, instead of fried.

Michelle's investment of care and time for this meal made me feel so loved! And what a fantastic way to celebrate the world's largest democracy, and our daughters' birth country.

Progress, Pinewood Derby and a Product Review

2012-01-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

Doesn't everyone wear sunglasses to shovel snow at night?

Progress!
Today brings another baby step in our adoption process! Our wonderful case worker stayed up into the wee hours last night registering us (and our fellow Dillon families) with CARA, the government agency that facilitates adoptions. Thanks to her, we have an official case number with CARA, and are in their system.

Then CARA will be selecting 100 families from outside India to be matched with various orphanages. We don't know if we will be part of that 100, but we are praying that we will! Needless to say, we are thrilled to have heard news twice in January, after such a long dry spell in 2011!

Meanwhile, family life is humming along. My brother Matt helped Nathan create his Pinewood Derby car, which is the fourth year he's loaned his expertise and woodworking equipment. We had a blast on race day, and took Matt out to lunch (another fun part of the tradition).

* * * * * *

And in honor of the cold weather (it was -6 here last night!), I decided to post a good, warm recipe -- and my first-ever product review. The Indian recipes I've experimented with have all been "from scratch" so far. In the interest of branching out -- and for convenience on busy evenings -- I decided to try a pre-made Indian sauce.

I tried the Taj Ethnic Gourmet brand Punjab Saag Spinach Sauce. ("saag" means spinach). One of my favorite dishes is Chana Saag, chickpeas with spinach in a creamy, tomatoe-y sauce, and that's why I chose this particular sauce from their line. It cost $4.25 at the natural food store where I found it, and I found it online for $3.99.

You can add tofu, chicken, shrimp, or cheese, but I mixed it up a little and used chicken and chickpeas. I've been wanting to eat more vegetarian meals, but the rest of my family are meat lovers, so this was my compromise. When I first opened the jar, the tomato aroma was a little overwhelming, and reminded me a little of Chef Boyardee products from my childhood. (Those are not fond memories.) I decided to start cooking the chicken and chickpeas to see if it improved as it cooked -- and happily, it did.

But I still decided to enhance it with a little garam masala and black pepper, and I added some milk to make it creamier. For color, I added some frozen peas as well, and the results were terrific! (Aaron is reading over my shoulder, and says I should say it was "astounding.") Everyone liked it, which is no small feat for a family of five. The only thing they requested was more chicken next time.

If you'd like to try my doctored-up version, here is the recipe:

One 16 oz. jar Taj Ethnic Gourmet Punjab Saag Spinach Sauce
6 oz. water
3 chicken breasts*
One 15 oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
3/4 cup frozen green peas
1/4 cup milk or plain yogurt
1/2 tsp. garam masala
black pepper to taste

Mix sauce and water in large skillet. Add chicken, garam masala and pepper and cover; cook on medium heat, turning chicken every ten minutes or so to cook evenly. After 30 min., add chickpeas and green peas. Cook another 15 minutes, or until chicken is thoroughly cooked and peas are hot. Use two forks to shred chicken in the pan, and stir in milk or yogurt. Serve over jasmine or basmati rice.

*You can also use frozen chicken breasts -- just increase the cooking time. Chicken should shred easily if it's done; if it's difficult to shred, simmer it longer.

Good news!

2012-01-03T13:28:00.001-08:00

Happy dancing!

Just a quick post to say that Dillon sent our dossier to CARA in New Delhi! We have been waiting for months for the okay from CARA to send them in, and this is definitely an answer to prayer for many families.

Of course, the fun part of this adventure is that we have no idea what will happen next, or when it will happen. :o) But at least CARA is accepting dossiers again from out-of-country families, which was a necessary step for referrals to start happening again.

We are celebrating today!

Joy and hope

2012-01-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

I've been away from the blog celebrating Christmas (and now New Year's) with family and friends. It has been a fun week with children home from school, family and friends in and out of each others' houses, cousins visiting, and more. And at the core of it all is the reason why we hope: a baby, God putting on flesh, to reunite us with our heavenly Father.

We are so thankful for him, and for another year with our parents, with healthy children, with a loving circle of friends. And we are hopeful because of him -- and hopeful that this year we see the little face that will be added to our family, and learn the name to be added on our fourth Christmas stocking.

This week should bring some news about when and if the Indian government will be asking us to re-submit our dossier to be considered for a referral. Our prayers are with all of the waiting children -- those waiting to be matched with families in India, and those who will make their way across oceans to their families.

Many blessings to you in 2012!

5 years old, 4 years home!

2011-12-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

Anya Rashi's birthday is a little unique -- Peter and I first met her and held her on December 12, but we've always celebrated her Homecoming Day on December 16, which is also her birthday. That is the day we flew home and we were all together for the first time as a family of five, under the same roof.

We celebrated all day long! First, she got to bring a treat to preschool. She chose grape-and-cheese kabobs to balance out her favorite Christmas treat: candy canes. Then, our local Christian radio station has a birthday club -- and she received a gift certificate from them for a free meal at Subway. So lunch was extra special too.

The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing for dinner. We had family over for the meal of Anya Rashi's choice: Chicken Makhani, Jasmine rice, salad and root beer. After asking for birthday cupcakes for birthdays 2, 3 and 4, she changed course and asked for cake pops this year. She's seen them at Starbucks, and on her cribmate Devi's blog . . . so we tried our hand at them, after finding some instructions online. They were a big hit!

Anya Rashi, you hold such a special place in our family and in our hearts! Your grandma always says our family was like a puzzle missing a piece, and you filled it perfectly. Your Daddy and I love watching you with your brothers, watching as you've spread your wings in preschool this year, watching your very animated face as you talk about . . . well, anything!

I always seem to do a "numbers" game on your birthday -- I can't help but calculate the percentage of your life that you've been with us compared to the time you spent in an orphanage. As of yesterday, we've been blessed to have you for 80% of your life! Kind of goofy, I know . . . but I think it each year just the same.

And now, you are also a sign of hope as we wait for your sister: your sparkle, joy, and enthusiasm -- and the miraculous fact of your presence -- brings us much hope through the long wait for our next daughter. Just by being you, by being here, you give us reassurance about God's timing for our second adoption.

We love you, and are so grateful you are our daughter.

The week of Christmas craziness

2011-12-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

We're right in the middle of a week-long Christmas crush. I'm an introvert, and too much activity wears on me, so I'm glad the busiest part of our Christmas season is over . . . but I've also really enjoyed the things we chose to do.

Our church's Christmas musical production was last Wednesday through Sunday. Peter is the director, and every year I am amazed at how he pulls a group of people together to put on a show -- acting, singing, lighting, sound, live animals -- that is enjoyed by over 3,500 people. He is one talented man.

Because there is a live nativity included at some point in each year's play, there is a petting zoo before the show. Thankfully, the donkey and camel are not part of the petting options -- just miniature sheep, goats, bunnies, chickens and a tortoise. (Incidentally, the tortoise is just along for the ride and isn't in the show!) It's such a gift to experience it through my kids' eyes -- they absolutely love getting to hold and pet the animals, and then they get to see them in the production. Total wonder and delight!

This year I was sad not to take my usual "date" to the show -- my 93-year-old neighbor, Ann. She is a woman with an amazing life story, and she's been my date for the show every year since we moved here. She was hospitalized Sunday morning with an infection, so for the first time in 8 years we didn't see the musical together. Anya Rashi is fond of her because she gives out Pez candy each time we visit. :o) She's back home now, doing well, thankfully.

Then on Saturday, Aaron and Nathan performed two concerts with our city's boychoir . . .which brought on sobbing fits from Anya Rashi because it's a more formal setting, and she had to wear (gasp!) a dress. After the tears, she gave me the stink-eye and reminded me that she only wears a dress on Christmas Day and Easter.

The boys have a rehearsal tomorrow night because they're singing at services this weekend, along with a few other kids. And also Peter and some choir members are singing at a nursing home tonight.

Through most of this, I am the "hub" of the family "wheel," making sure that everyone gets where they need to be and has food and clean clothes. Until this Monday: then we threw my volunteer work with at-risk young women into the mix -- after putting together 24 gifts, I went with two other volunteers to bring Christmas gifts to some of the women last night. We will deliver another 24 gifts in the next two weeks, but other people are "on duty" those nights.

It made for one crazy week, but I'm glad it was all crammed into the first part of December. From here on out, I am looking forward to some peaceful weeks leading up to Christmas. Any further craziness I experience will involve making cookies, addressing Christmas cards, and wrapping presents . . . I'm looking forward to days of quieter anticipation, all at home, in front of our own Christmas tree. Which sounds just right.

Adoption is hard, but that's okay

2011-11-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

During both of our adoption processes, more than one well-meaning person has commented on our adoption by saying, "You're having a baby the easy way!" I know what they mean -- we are bringing a child into our family without morning sickness, stretch marks, or labor.

Sometimes, I've joked right back that my labor will be the 24+ hours of travel, planes and airports with a child who just met me, who may or may not get airsick all over my shirt (I'm lookin' at you, Anya Rashi!). Other times, my patience wears thin, and I want to be brutally honest and tell them exactly how "easy" it is to wait 2 1/2 years, and be no closer to our daughter than when we began.

But we weren't expecting it to be easy, and most days we actually feel some measure of peace about the wait -- because our daughter will be worth it. I recently read words from a mom who said it much better than I ever could:

Adoption should be hard. We are glad it is hard. And no matter how hard, how painful, how steep the cost . . . It doesn't come close to the value of the life of this one precious human being.

-- Susanna (Katie's mom), www.theblessingofverity.com

It occurred to me that her words also reflect the heart of God about each one of us. Christ willingly endured the steepest cost so that I could be adopted into God's family, and He waited patiently, lovingly, for 21 years until I joined His family at last. I'm sure that He even shed tears during that wait, wondering why I was taking so long to come home to Him . . .

Much to my amazement, the God of the universe thinks that you and I are worth it, worth all the pain and waiting, worth the terrible cost of Calvary. And there is rejoicing in heaven whenever one of us joins God's family at last.

My mom always told me that anything worthwhile is usually hard. Adoption is hard. Susanna knows that -- and we know it too. But that's okay, because she is worth it.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

Inspiration from the Solomon family

2011-11-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

Last week, we received an early "gift" of 2 inches of snow. Usually we get our first snow in the 'teens of November, but it melts right away. Not this time! Anya Rashi and Nathan LOVE snow, so while I shoveled they created a snow jack-o-lantern. I just had to jump in and help make a snow rabbit. Meanwhile, Peter was at a conference in Florida, and kept e-mailing us pictures of palm trees.

In the midst of National Adoption Awareness Month, I wanted to pass along an amazing story. The Solomons adopted their son Daniel from Romania at age 7, after he spent his entire life in a truly terrible orphanage situation. While most families have an easier path to attachment and bonding, they did not. Their story is one of relentless love, perseverance and refusing to give up. It is especially compelling because Daniel talks too -- is it a rare chance to hear from an older adoptee about the sometimes difficult journey to becoming a family.

I feel a need to share their story because I have read so many celebratory adoption posts this month. I love adoption, and I am happy to celebrate it, but I"ve noticed how most of the blog posts have presented only a rosy picture of adoption. I know there are families out there who are really struggling now that their kids are home, and often they feel like failures . . . and they feel so alone. Please pass along this link to anyone you know who is having a difficult adjustment with their child. I would love to help people know that there is always room for hope in seemingly impossible situations, and that other people have had huge struggles too.

The Solomons' portion of the program begins about 9 minutes into the broadcast of This American Life, and lasts 27 minutes. It is so worth listening to. Here's the link:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=317

*I'm having trouble with the link! If you copy it, it should work though.

Treasure

2011-11-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

If you're a long-time blog friend, you might remember that I pulled a nightstand off the curb last fall. Someone was finished with it and put it out on trash day. It had obviously been forgotten in an attic or basement for a long time, and had the cobwebs and grime to prove it. Underneath the dust, however, was good solid wood, so into my van it went. While the fall weather was still nice enough, Anya Rashi and I spent part of an afternoon washing, sanding, and priming it.

After a few months deciding what to do with it, inspiration hit. I gathered supplies and I began creating a mosaic on the table top. It takes a long time to cover 12" x 18" surface with bits of glass and tile, but it's so worth it. Inch by inch, I can see a beautiful treasure emerging.

This is the perfect time to work on it, before another inquisitive toddler joins our family. It's also been a powerful symbol of adoption for me as we wait.

Like the nightstand, our new daughter has been left alone. Through tragedy, poverty, or situations I can only guess about, she has no family to care for her. Despite her circumstances, though, she is not forgotten. She is valued and remembered by the One who created her, and she is longed for by everyone in our family. Inch by inch, as slowly as the glass and tiles cover my table top, we are getting closer to our treasure -- and she is so worth the wait. If only the journey to her was as easy as driving by and scooping her up . . .

And then she will be alone no more! We will lavish our love and attention on her, and after time allows her to trust us, the treasure of her personality will emerge, inch by inch. And that will be more beautiful than anything I can create with my two hands.

Fun photos

2011-10-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

Here are a few photos from Diwali and Halloween!

Anya Rashi and I wore our favorite Indian outfits for our Diwali dinner. Unfortunately, the boys have long outgrown theirs. (Must be time for another trip to India to get some new ones . . .) Anya Rashi's outfit comes courtesy of our friend Priya, who visited her family over the summer and was kind enough to bring back a new outfit for our growing girl.

The strange creatures you see are Snow White (who must hold up her skirt in every photo, like the real princess she is), a Mad Scientist (wearing an old doctor's coat from Aunt Alicia), and of course, Darth Vader. Last year's trick-or-treat costumes were all homemade, but I ran out of steam this year! This will be a short post, because I need to go raid some candy buckets . . .

In honor of Diwali: book & recipe

2011-10-26T14:19:00.001-07:00

Just in time for the first day of Diwali, I thought I'd post a book review and a recipe.

The book is Miss New India, by Bharati Mukherjee. The author is Bengali, which I appreciate since Anya Rashi was born in Kolkata and shares that heritage. It's been fun to learn a few Bengali words, especially family words (baba is father, didi is big sister, etc.) through her writing. Many of her novels deal with the experiences of Indians who have emigrated to America -- and are also thoughtful explorations of family ties, culture, and identity.

Miss New India, however, takes place within India. At first glance, it is a classic storyline about a young woman moving from a small town to the big city. It is deeper and richer than that simple description, however. The main character, Anjali, is also leaving behind a traditional life and exchanging it for a more modern (and much more ambiguous) identity. The city of Bangalore, where she ends up, is almost a character in itself -- dynamic, pulsing with technology, and fueled by the energy of young people pouring in every day to work in call centers and other new industries. But she also encounters the dark side of life in a large city, and finds that things and people are not always what they seem.

Prospective readers should know that Mukherjee is an author who allows bad things to happen to her characters -- and this book is definitely reading for adults. But it is a very rewarding glimpse into Indian culture which is changing and growing by the second. Ultimately, the book is about rebirth: the rebirth of Anjali, of her hometown and personal history, and of India.

Now for the recipe! I've posted more traditional recipes in the past, but this time I wanted to feature a chicken recipe that's Indian-inspired, rather than strictly authentic. Many of us have family members who can't eat spicy food, or are afraid to try new kinds of cuisine. This easy dish is very friendly to the uninitiated, and gives them the flavor of curry without the heat.

Easy Mild Curried Chicken

(and thanks for the recipe, Michelle M.!)

12 chicken drumsticks, skinned OR 6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

(salted and peppered to your taste)

Sauce:

1/3 cup honey

1/3 cup lemon juice

2 Tbsp. dijon or brown spicy mustard

1 Tbsp. curry powder

Spray a 9" x 13" baking dish with non-stick cooking spray. In a small bowl, whisk together sauce ingredients. Place chicken pieces in baking dish and spoon sauce over chicken. Bake at 375 degrees for 1 hour, turning chicken pieces over halfway through baking time.

Happy Diwali -- enjoy!

Field trip "firsts"

2011-10-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Anya Rashi was very excited about her first field trip ever! Her Pre-K class went to a local apple orchard on a "real school bus! But it didn't have any seat belts." The children learned how apple trees grow, learned the proper way to pick apples, and loaded them into the apple polisher. Everyone snacked on dried apples and received an apple-shaped water bottle.

I'm happy to tell you that Anya Rashi is no longer crying at the start of the school day! After two weeks (and one agonized blog post), she turned on a dime and was just fine at drop off. She literally ran happily into her room without a backward glance. It was kind of comical -- her teacher, Mrs. R, looked at me and said, "What did you DO?", as if I had discovered some secret of the universe. :o)

Actually the answer is two-fold: that Monday, I used shameless bribery. Grandma had brought over a box of fruit snacks, a rare treat for her. I tucked a package in my purse, and said if she could muster up a smile at drop-off time, she could have the fruit snacks when I picked her up. And then, answer number two is that she is a little social butterfly now! As soon as she knew some of her classmates a little better, she couldn't wait to go into her Pre-K room and play with them each day.

The other field trip was for Peter and me. We were contacted by Show Hope about volunteering at a concert near us. Show Hope is the adoption grant agency started by Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth. (We were grant recipients in 2010.) But Show Hope does so much more than just grants -- they've built a hospital in China to help children with special needs, and many of them have now been adopted because big medical barriers were taken care of. They also assist families in the US who do foster care and foster-to-adopt.

One thing that I hadn't heard about before especially moved me: part of the hospital is for palliative care. They give special care and love to children who are dying. When nothing can be done medically, the workers make sure the children are held, loved, and made as comfortable as possible every day of their too-short lives.

We were honored to be able to volunteer and give back in some small way. We got to provide information about becoming a sponsor for Show Hope, and assist people with making a donation during the intermission. One of the best parts of the evening was connecting with the other volunteers, some of whom were other adoptive families. One family had a teenaged daughter who has only been home for 10 months. Another family had siblings from Ethiopia who've been home 20 months, and they live near us.

The whole evening was wonderful. If you'd like to find out more about Show Hope, you can find them at www.showhope.org.

"Blah," said Toad

2011-10-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

Anya Rashi and Eliza

Since Friday, I've been trying to decide if I feel like Charlie Brown when Lucy keeps pulling the football away just as he tries to kick it . . . or if I feel like Toad of "Frog & Toad" fame. I think Toad wins. BLAH.

Along with other families adopting from India, we have received some bad news. Again. All families from outside India were supposed to re-submit our dossiers and a few other documents by October 1, after which date we would be assigned to a particular orphanage -- and then be matched with a child.

On Friday, however, we learned that there is a backlog of 550 families within India who must be processed first. While we think it is ideal for children to stay in their birth country -- and we are praying that they find families soon -- it was so hard to hear that our adoption is delayed yet again. Our new deadline is December 31, and the Central Adoption Resource Agency in India is not guaranteeing that anything will happen then either. Needless to say, we were heartsick reading that e-mail.

We were actually sitting at a table with Anya Rashi at our favorite Indian restaurant when Peter glanced at a new e-mail on his phone. He decided to read it during our lunch, which told me it was something very important. (Later, he told me that he had thought it was going to be good news about our dossier arriving in India.) Then I watched as his face fell, and he shared the news about the delay. Our eyes filled with tears, and Anya Rashi asked us what was wrong. We explained that we were having a day when we were missing her little sister, just like she sometimes does. Trying to help us feel better, she chirped, "Well, you don't have to worry about me today -- I'm not having one of those days right now."

We never dreamed that this process would take so long. Anya Rashi's adoption took 2 years and 1 month, and now we're coming up on 2 1/2 years with no end in sight. It is very difficult and so painful to know that millions of children in India need a family, and we are ready and willing to love one of them . . . but we have no control over when that will happen. We can only ask that you join us in praying for something miraculous to happen to speed up the process.

On Saturday, Anya Rashi had this discussion with her friend Eliza:

Eliza: Are you sure your little sister is ever going to get here?

Anya Rashi: Remember those really old people in the Bible who had a baby?

Nancy: Do you mean Sarah and Abraham?

Anya Rashi: Yes! So if God says we're going to get our baby sister, then it's going to come true.

Aside from the slightly unflattering comparison to the elderly Sarah and Abraham (!), we are taking heart from that truth: if God says it's going to come true, then it is going to come true. We are deeply saddened right now, but trying to rest in that truth.

First day of Pre-K

2011-09-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well, in the midst of the marathon fundraiser, the youngest member of the Appleton family experienced a very important "first." Our Anya Rashi began Pre-K, under the expert care of Mrs. R and Mrs. E, who also taught Aaron and Nathan.

She was very excited, and I was very nervous. Typically, Anya Rashi has not done well with new "group" experiences. Sunday school was a complete no-go for a long time, and we didn't push it. Many children who have been in an orphanage or institutional setting have trouble with group experiences, so we were in no hurry.

When she was 2 1/2, we decided to try again, and I volunteered all summer in her class, which helped a lot. Eventually, we found that she liked a particular teenaged helper, Miss Michaela, and then she was just fine. When she had to change rooms after her 3rd birthday, we went with what worked, and found a new teenaged helper to take Anya Rashi under her wing. Another thing that helped her was "helping" one of the teachers at the check-in/roll call table. Now, Miss Elizabeth is her special friend in the 4's class, and she goes with a smile on her face.

Wish I could say the same for Pre-K! After being very excited before arriving, she became clingy and tearful at the door. I thought it was just first-day jitters, and wasn't too upset. But now she's been there for 2 weeks, Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and last Friday was the hardest drop off yet. One day, she ran and got a photo of me and Peter to keep in her backpack so she wouldn't miss us . . . but it didn't seem to help. There has been one day where she had no tears -- she was SO excited to tell her teachers about Daddy's marathon -- but all the other days have been teary. Once she's inside the room, she calms down pretty quickly (within one minute -- I am watching behind the one-way window!), except for last Friday. She was sobbing and it took her 5 minutes to settle in.

We will see how this week goes -- I hate seeing her upset, but I know we have to get ready for Kindergarten next year (not to mention the new sister in the mix!). I am hoping and praying that it becomes a fun, happy place for her soon. I think I will tell her teachers about Sunday school, and if they will let her be their "helper" right away in the morning, like she did at Sunday school.

Does anyone have any tips for making this easier for her? I'd love to hear them!

Marathon man

2011-09-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is a long post, but it has a very happy ending, so bear with us!

I am pleased to announce that Peter successfully ran his first marathon! I am so proud of all the hard work he put in, and I fell in love with him all over again as I witnessed his perseverance and dedication. My sister Alicia joined him at mile 21 and helped make the last grueling miles a little easier. I have to say that he smiled a lot for someone running 26.2 miles -- he was smiling when we met him on the course, and other friends said the same thing.

Our relay team did their work without a hitch too, and everyone did a great job with the transfers (and clocked some pretty fast times too!). When our daughter is old enough, I hope she will be touched that Lisa, Colin, Aunt Mary and Aunt Alicia were willing to run for her.

My brother Matt joined the fun by volunteering for marathon safety patrol -- he and others rode motorcycles along the course to help watch for runners in trouble, or any other problems. So many people love this child already, even though they haven't even gotten a glimpse of her face yet.

But enough from me! Here are some observations from Peter himself:

First of all, let me thank Nancy and my kids for all of their support as I trained for this race. Their love, encouragement and gift of time allowed me to train slowly but surely for the race over the last 8 months. I will never forget how they cheered me on as I faced both success and set backs. Thank you, my love and my family, for believing in me.

It was a very satisfying race. I stuck to my game plan and only walked for 30-45 seconds or so at water stations every 2 miles, along with a few hills. Other than that, I ran -- albeit slowly! -- the whole time. At the last turn, Alicia and I were joined by relay team members Lisa and her son Colin. We crossed the finish line together at 6 hours, 21 minutes. As we crossed I shouted out "for our daughter!" and started to cry.

I talked briefly with a some amazing people along the course. There was a woman from Kansas in her 70s who was running her 110th marathon. Another man from Tokyo, Japan was running his 600th marathon. Wow.

Miles 16-21 were the most challenging for me mentally, and it was difficult to keep focused. I just kept thinking about our daughter-to-be, wondering what she looks like . . . her eyes, her smile.

It was very inspiring to see friends, people from our church, and family along the way, cheering me on from the sidelines. Thanks so much for supporting me and praying for me as I trained and ran the race. It was such a picture of what we should do for each other through all of life, all the way to the finish line. It made me think of Isaiah 40:31: "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not grow faint."

And both of us must somehow try to convey the depth of our gratitude to everyone who donated to our marathon fundraiser. Too many times to count, we have been moved to tears by the generosity of our families and our friends. Your love for our child is humbling and so appreciated.

Friends from Oregon, Kenya, Chicago, Minnesota, Indiana, Michigan, and Ohio joined with us in spirit as they prayed and gave from afar. Our families, and many friends from church who are passionate about caring for orphans also astonished us with their generosity. The teachers at our sons' school took up a collection, and a relative put out a donation jar at her workplace. Any words we can think of seem inadequate to express how much we want to thank each of you.

And we keep on being surprised -- today, the day after the race, a few more people have given a donation. We are thrilled to announce that the total funds raised so far are an incredible $10,063.60.

Originally our hope was to raise $9,000 and that seemed like a pretty lofty goal at the time. I wish we could find some way to describe how much you have blessed us. Your generosity is a huge help meeting our upcoming adoption fees and travel costs.

Thank you. In the end, that's really all we can say. Thank you.

Almost race day!

2011-09-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

Like the photo? Sorry to disappoint, but it's not Peter. Earlier this summer, Peter and my sister Alicia ran a half-marathon called The Cheesehead Half -- and one runner wore a cheesehead for the entire race. Now that's some Wisconsin pride.

Just doing a quick post to say that this is the weekend Peter and our relay team will run 26.2 miles! We will post photos from the marathon, along with our fundraising total. I truly can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed we are by the support of our family and friends. I'm tearing up just typing this . . . thank you so much, everyone.

Please keep Peter, Lisa, Colin, Mary and Alicia in your prayers as they run!

Snakes & stuff

2011-09-12T19:57:00.001-07:00

Aaron and Nathan helped make a dirt cake, in keeping with his party theme. The finished product is pictured below.

We have a birthday boy at our house. Aaron turned 11, and celebrated with a snake party. He has always loved anything that crawls, flies, swims, or slithers. And we happen to know someone who has a steady supply of pet snakes, so a party theme was born!

One of my 40+ cousins (my dad is one of 11 siblings!) is a member of the local Herpetology Club, so he and his wife were the "entertainment." They are reptile rescue people for the humane society -- they house lizards, snakes, and other critters that the humane society isn't equipped to care for, until a new home can be found. The kids had a ball holding snakes and lizards, and learning about their habits, diet, and life cycle.

For a few years now, our sons have chosen to collect for a charity instead of receiving gifts. This year, Aaron chose a charity called Feed My Starving Children, that ships meals for hungry people around the world. Each meal costs 24 cents, so Aaron's friends all brought quarters instead of gifts -- enough to provide over 274 meals! The kids were all cheering each time the total went up -- they are a sweet bunch.

If you noticed, Anya Rashi is nowhere to be found in the outdoor/snake photos. After eating cake, she and her friend Sarah decided snakes weren't their thing, and went off to play with dollies and other more civilized things!

And just in case we hadn't gotten our fill of creatures, a neighbor gave the kids a monarch chrysalis. We waited several days, then watched the butterfly break out. We walked down to a nearby prairie planting at our neighborhood school and set it free. It was magical!

Happy birthday, Aaron! You are such a gift to us. We love your curiosity, your keen mind, your sense of humor, your compassion, and the wisdom you have that belies your years. Our eleven years with you have been a joy.

* * * * * *

In other news, Peter ran 20 miles this weekend to prepare for the marathon! I am amazed by that number! He's ready to go . . . please keep his run, his health, and his stamina in your prayers.

Run, Peter, run!

2011-09-03T12:21:00.001-07:00

Here's Peter running the Cheesehead Half-Marathon last weekend. Aaron joined him for the last 50 yards to the finish.

As some of you already know, Peter has been training since spring to run in our city's marathon. For those of us (including me) who are not runners, the obvious question is why?? Why put yourself through the agony, heat, and pain of training for such a long race?

The short answer is that Peter is a wonderful, dedicated dad. He is running in the marathon to raise funds for our next daughter. He already loves her, even though he's never even seen a picture of her and doesn't know her name. He tells me she's the inspiration each time he increases his miles, and she's the thought that pushes him through the pain.

The longer answer is that we knew we would have to be creative to fund this adoption, our second adoption from India in 5 years. He dreamed up the idea of fundraising by running a marathon, and then he got to work.

Along with Peter, we also have a dedicated relay team running for our daughter. My sister Alicia will be doing 2 legs of the relay, and Peter's sisters Mary and Anne will be taking a leg. Our friend Lisa and her son Colin will each be running one leg of the race as well. We are so moved by their desire to help bring our daughter home.

Now the marathon is a few weeks away, and we are inviting friends and family to consider supporting Peter and the relay team by pledging any amount. You can use the "donate" button on our sidebar if you feel led to do so. All funds will go toward upcoming adoption fees and travel expenses. We have been so moved and overwhelmed by those of you who have already responded -- thank you so much!

What makes your support even sweeter is how encouraging it is at this stage in the adoption process. We began this journey 2 1/2 years ago, and it's easy to have your spirits flag when you're waiting on invisible officials on the other side of the world. Our next "deadline" is September 30, when we must submit another batch of paperwork in hopes of being matched with a child later this year.

Rest assured, we will post her photo as soon as we find out who she is! In the meantime, thank you for praying with us and supporting us as we wait -- and thanks for cheering Peter on!

Last weeks of summer

2011-08-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

I will post soon about our upcoming Marathon Fundraiser for our next daughter. Given the extended wait, "marathon" seems all too appropriate!!

Saying goodbye as my "practice baby" (my dear friend Trina's son Tyler) heads off to college . . .

. . . camping on the beautiful shores of Lake Michigan . . .

. . . celebrating the bonds between brothers and sister on Rakhi Day . . .

. . . having a first friend sleepover with Eliza . . .

. . . rejoicing as our sons chose to be baptized . . .

. . . cheering as Daddy ran a 5K and the boys did a fun run to benefit one of our city's homeless shelters . . .

. . . these precious last weeks of summer are too fleeting!

A not-so-profound metaphor

2011-08-09T22:07:00.001-07:00

The ol' blog has been quiet for a few weeks, in part because the Appleton family has been busy with summer things, and in part because I haven't been able to decide what to write about the latest adoption news out of India.

In July, we heard from our case worker that CARA (the Indian adoption governing body) has released the long-awaited new adoption guidelines. There are many facets to the new guidelines, but the short version is that there will be no referrals in the near future. There is a September 30 deadline for people in all 23 countries that work with India to re-submit our dossiers . . . and then? Who knows . . .

This is very disheartening to us. I have visions of huges stacks of paperwork sitting on desks at CARA, then the entire office shutting down for weeks for Diwali. Not good for the mama morale.

Here's where the not-so-profound metaphor comes in: bowling with a 4-year-old is a lot like this adoption.

We took my parents bowling a few weeks ago to celebrate my Dad's birthday. Anya Rashi hefted her ball, first with help from her brothers, then by herself after a little practice. She carefully placed it on the line, then gave it a push. Ever so slowly, the ball rolled down the alley, inch by agonizing inch. It was so comically slow that Anya Rashi herself would forget that it was still her turn, and go sit down -- completely forgetting to watch and see how many pins fell down!

Meanwhile, the people in the alley next to ours kept bowling. Sometimes Anya Rashi's ball rolled so slowly that the person next to us would throw both of their balls, complete their frame, and move on to the next player all in the time it took for Anya Rashi's ball to meander its way down to the pins!

Of course, since my mind is never far from our adoption, I couldn't help but make a parallel between our very slow bowler and our progress toward our second daughter. My thoughts wandered to a dear couple whom we love who have had TWO babies in the time that's passed since we started this adoption. I'm not kidding! We began the adoption in March 2009, they had one son in October 2009, and now they have another son born in April 2011. (Luckily, little Q and baby L are so beautiful that I cannot feel even a shred of resentment.)

But even while we are frustrated and sad, we are still very aware of how blessed we are to have our Aaron, Nathan and Anya Rashi. We are holding them a little tighter as we long for our beloved fourth child. In the wake of this news, my heart hurts for adoptive friends who are waiting for their first child, often after years of infertility, and I can only imagine how devastating this new uncertainty is for them.

Thanks for continuing to follow and pray for our journey, even though it's taking as long as a certain 4-year-old's bright orange bowling ball.

Two good children's books about adoption

2011-07-18T08:27:00.001-07:00

Our public library is one of our favorite places to spend a hot summer afternoon. On a recent trip, we checked out two children's books that I thought other adoptive friends might be interested in.

Bringing Asha Home is an excellent book we've checked out before -- but Anya Rashi was only two at the time, and it didn't resonate as much for her then. Now, two years into our second adoption, it has definitely "clicked" for her.

In the book, a family waits to adopt a daughter from India. The book is told from the point of view of the older brother, and includes good descriptions of the excitement and frustration he experiences. The book also explains the holiday Raksha Bandan, or Rakhi Day, an Indian celebration of the bonds between brothers and sisters (which falls on August 13 this year). It's an especially helpful book for adoptive families with older siblings, because it gives a voice to the feelings a child might have througout the process.

The title of the second book caught my eye right away! You're Not My REAL Mother! is the big cahuna that many of us adoptive parents dread hearing someday. Full discolosure: I didn't actually read this book to Anya Rashi.

It's actually a good children's book -- it voices real feelings that adopted children sometimes have. In the book, the daughter is upset, and lashes out at her mother. The mother gives a good explanation of a birth mother and her own role, and calmly asks the daughter about what a "real" mother does. They go on to share a heartwarming list of the daily tasks we do for our kids. By the end of the book, the daughter is folded in her mother's arms, agreeing that she is in fact, her "real" mother.

So why not read this book to my daughter? I know she will have more questions someday about her birth parents, and she may resent us or wonder about how her life might have been different with them . . . but I don't want to plant those things in her mind before she's thinking them. And it may never occur to her to think of that particular line about "real" parents on her own. Every child is different, and at this point, I didn't want to suggest something to her that she's not already thinking.

I am, however, very glad that I discovered this book. From other parents, I've heard stories of tearful kids coming home from school after their classmates tell them "Those aren't your real parents." This book will be a great reassurance that we are, in fact, her real parents -- and sometimes seeing something in print helps kids by providing an outside affirmation of what their parents say. With Anya Rashi starting pre-school this year, it's good to be prepared in case any of her classmates bring up the topic of "real" parents.

What do you think about reading this book to a 4-year-old? Have you found any other good children's books dealing with adoption?

Our "last hurrah" . . . but not really

2011-07-07T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last year, we planned a "last hurrah" -- a little time away before we became parents to our newest child. Fast forward a little bit . . . and we are not even close to traveling to India. But we decided to make the best of it and stick with our plans anyway.

The boys went off for their first-ever sleep away camp. (The photo kind of makes it look like they joined the army . . . but it's just their ride over to the camp's other lake and cabins!) It's a place we've gone to as a family in past years, and last year they asked if they could go on their own for a week. They had a wonderful week -- not a trace of homesickness, according to them. They came back happy, exhausted, full of mosquito bites, and very proud of themselves.

Meanwhile, Aunt Alicia came to stay with Anya Rashi for a few nights and have a special girls' time together. In the three years she's been home with us, Peter and I have never gone away together, so we wondered how she would do. We needn't have worried . . . every text and photo they sent showed a smiley Anya Rashi, along with questions like, "How many more days can Aunt Alicia stay?"

Peter and I, after dropping the boys off at camp, continued north to the tip-top of Wisconsin. We stayed on the shores of Lake Superior, and spent a day sea kayaking. While it was in the 90s in our hometown, we had to wear thermal gear and wet suits because the lake acts like a big refrigerator. There are a series of sea caves, along with the beautiful Apostle Islands, along the southern shore of Lake Superior . . . it was absolutely breathtaking. The water was emerald green, and little waterfalls trickled down the sandstone cliffs as we paddled by. We also went out to a great restaurant one night, and had a terrific time.

So, even though we aren't headed to India in the near future, we did have a grand time!

Adoption anniversary and Father's Day

2011-06-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

Anya Rashi wore one of her Indian outfits to a wedding last weekend -- when we got it for her in Kolkata, it seemed so huge I couldn't picture her fitting into it!

Yesterday we celebrated two important days: June 19 is the anniversary of our court date to finalize Anya Rashi's adoption, and for the rest of the US, it was also Father's Day. It was definitely a day of gratitude for us -- Peter and I have the huge blessing of still having our own fathers close by, and I have the joy of watching Peter parent our kids.

A long time ago, before we even dated, Peter and I saw the movie Parenthood together. (That tells you how long we've known each other!). We were both back on campus a little early because we were on the residence life staff at our university, and decided on a whim to watch the movie together on a free afternoon. During the movie, I remember thinking, "Whoever marries Peter will be such a lucky woman -- he's going to be a great father!" I was dating someone else at the time, and had no idea that I would get to be that woman!

I also had no idea at that time that adoption would be part of my future. We don't do anything too elaborate to celebrate the court date that officially made Anya Rashi part of our family. Usually, we look at photos from that day, and talk about what the kids got to do in the courtroom. I think the day itself doesn't hold as much of an emotional resonance for us because we already felt like she was completely ours, forever . . . and we'd felt that way from the day we first saw her picture.

I am stunned that it's been three years already! Our sons look so little in those photos, and there's barely a trace of baby Rashi left when I look at our long-legged, articulate little girl. Time goes by surprisingly, achingly quickly.

First days of summer

2011-06-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

Before and after hair shots!

Our summer is off to a flying start, with a trip to Indianapolis for a graduation and mini-reunion with one of Anya Rashi's cribmates. The graduate was my "practice baby" -- my dear friend Trina's son Tyler. Trina was one of those instant friends -- we worked together at the museum that hired me after I graduated from college, and hit it off right away. Trina, Ty and I lived together from the time Tyler was 8 months old until he was 4 1/2, when Peter and I got married. Tyler is now taller than me, and headed off to college in the fall . . . which means I am officially old. :o)

Trina's family is also one of my adoption inspirations. She is one of four siblings, two of whom are biological children, and two of whom are adopted. When she first told me that, I remember thinking how wonderful that sounded, and a seed of an idea for my future was planted. Then, with Tyler, I realized that I could indeed love someone else's child as though he belonged to me. They are one of the reasons Anya Rashi is here today, and her sister is on the way.

We had a great time together celebrating Tyler. I just reveled in visiting with Trina's parents, and friends who feel like family, though we rarely get to be together in person.

Another terrific part of our weekend was visiting David and his family! David and Anya Rashi were cribmates in India during their first year of life. His mom Christin and I stay in touch through a chat room, and agreed to meet while we were in their city. The kids all enjoyed ice cream, and played together while the grownups talked. It was fun to see David and Anya Rashi picking wild strawberries together, with their two little raven heads bent over the green grass.

Summer would not be complete without the start of baseball season -- because they are only 19 months apart in age, Aaron and Nathan get to be on the same team every other year. I love having them play together! And we can't forget Nathan's annual "shearing." :o) He planned it carefully -- we gave him a buzz the night before the last day of school to surprise his friends.

It's strange to have been a parent long enough to have things that truly feel like traditions. I often wonder what our kids will remember about these days . . . I hope they will think of them with fondness.

ER visit and "wishballs"

2011-05-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

On the day her fever started, Anya Rashi happened to be playing hospital -- here is her "office", complete with doctor kit, telephone, and a waiting room full of furry patients. My first clue that she wasn't well was when she got very quiet in her tent, and I found that she'd fallen asleep on the carpet.

It's been an eventful week at the Appleton household. Anya Rashi experienced two firsts -- her first visit to the Emergency Room, and her first dose of antibiotics in four years. She had a cold all last week, but it turned into something else on Thursday, when she got really congested, started a cough, and began running a high fever.

On Saturday night, we woke her to give her some applesauce and next dose of ibuprofen. Well, her stomach decided it had had enough of all the medication, and she couldn't keep the medicine down. Without it, her fever quickly shot up to 105. Her poor little body was like a furnace, so we were off to the ER as fast as we could load her in the car.

The first order of business was getting a dose of Tylenol into her, drop by drop, ever so slowly, so that her body would keep it in. Then came x-rays of her lungs and a strep test, both of which were clear. Her ears were fine, so our kind doctor decided to give her a heavy-duty antibiotic to knock out the suspected infection. In hindsight, I suspect she had a sinus infection, based on a few days of projectile sneezing that came later in the week. :o)

I was so grateful for that antibiotic -- she clearly had an infection of some kind, because Monday was a completely fever-free day, with none of the tapering off, lowered fevers that usually come with a virus. We are so grateful that she bounced back like she did.

By Wednesday, we were back outside for wagon rides and the rediscovery of "wishballs" -- Anya Rashi's very own name for dandelions that have gone to seed. Hope you're enjoying a few wishballs in your own yards!

"Look what Larry made!"

2011-05-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a week of many highs and lows, capped off by some total hilarity today.

The lows started last Friday, when I opened an e-mail from our terrific caseworker. The gist of it was that the adoption process will likely get longer than we ever expected. Our orphanage's license will expire this month, making delays nearly a certainty. As always, they have diligently submitted the proper paperwork, but the powers-that-be often drag their feet with renewals for months.

That day was the first and only time I've cried during this 2-year odyssey. For some reason, my brain cells dredged up a song from a few years back called, "We Thought You'd Be Here By Now." Morale was bad.

Then over Mother's Day weekend, I was loved and pampered extra nicely by my sweet husband and kids. The three children I'm already blessed with pulled me out of my funk, not because they were perfectly behaved or anything, but just because they are mine. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for our three gifts from God, and significantly, for my own mother. An afternoon walking in the woods with my parents, my brother and my own family reminded me exactly how much I have to be grateful for. So many of my friends have already lost their moms, or are still waiting for their first child . . . although it's still difficult to wait, I have no reason to despair.

Anya Rashi's birth mother was on my mind this week too, because of the holiday. I told Anya Rashi I was thinking about her, and said that I bet she wonders where Anya Rashi is living now, or what she looks like now that she's four. But although she brings up her birth parents at times, Anya Rashi wasn't in the mood for talking about them that particular day -- the calendar doesn't mean as much to a 4-year-old, I guess. So I followed her lead and didn't push the subject.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Then today I got to babysit my godsons, Liam (almost 3) and Quinn (1). Aside from their sheer adorableness, they also made me laugh out loud today. Their golden retriever Larry was part of the package too. While I was making lunch, I heard Liam say, with wonder in his voice:

"Look what Larry made!"

Dog owners know there are no good options here. I stepped into the living room to discover dog barf . . . and Peter offered to clean it up. (He said he'd rather do that than make lunch. Honestly.) He discovered the reason for Larry's sickness: three rocks, each bigger than a quarter. (Why, Larry? Why do you eat rocks?!)

I don't know why, but I can't get Liam's awestruck voice out of my head, and I've laughed many times today when I remember him saying, "Look what Larry made!" I guess I'll take my laughs wherever I can find them during this wait.

Celebrations

2011-05-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

Since I posted last, we've enjoyed two family celebrations. First came Easter Sunday, which was extra-special this year because our kids were part of the services. Our church choir sing a song called "Baba Yetu", which is the Lord's prayer in Swahili, while people acted out the ministry, death and resurrection of Christ during the song. Our children and some dear friends' children got to be part of the storytelling.

Their part was to join a few other friends in hugging the man playing Jesus, then linking hands and going around in a circle together. Then, during the resurrection scene, the children waved gold ribbons and danced up and down the center aisle. The fascinating thing was that they needed no coaching whatsoever -- they were so excited to hug Jesus, and so joyful as they danced. That was a lesson in itself.

Anya Rashi was the youngest child to participate, and she understood that there was an ordinary man playing Jesus, but she responded to him as though he were a celebrity or something. It was very thought-provoking to compare her reaction to our Jesus character with the way our culture idolizes movie stars or pop singers . . . I sure hope that as she grows, she is able to retain her sense of wonder for the things that are truly wonderful.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The other celebration was Nathan's 9th birthday! He is such a spark in our lives, bringing a lot of energy and laughter to our family. He was also our surprise baby -- after waiting a year to become pregnant with Aaron, suddenly we were shocked at a positive pregnancy test the day after Aaron's first birthday! I remember laughing with Peter and having happy tears when we found out we were expecting a second child. After wondering for a year if we were going to be able to have a baby at all, it was a total joy to suddenly have two sons within 19 months of each other.

On the night of his birthday, I told Nathan a few stories about his earlier years (which he LOVES hearing). How many two-year-olds do you know who have the vocabulary to say "Never!" when told to go to the time out chair? Or to pronounce, from the time-out chair, "This was a very bad idea!"

He is so creative -- the Egyptian birthday theme was his idea. He loves history, and ancient Egypt is his current fascination. Originally, I broke out in a cold sweat at the idea figuring out how to make some kind of Egyptian cake -- but we had a great time searching online for photos of sarcophaguses?? sarcophagi?? , and then it was great fun to take direction from my son as we put his cake together (not to mention the fun facts he shared about how mummies were prepared . . .).

Poor guy is home sick today with a fever and cold, his second day missing school this week. And you know he's really sick, because he's missing a field trip to a planetarium today. We will just have to go on our own when he's well again.

Nathan, we are so happy to have you in our family. Your sense of adventure, your tender heart, your funny streak, your creativity and your love of learning make us so grateful to be your parents. You fill a unique spot in our hearts and lives, and we thank God for you, dear son. Happy 9th birthday!

18 months

2011-04-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

This is the earliest photo we have of Anya Rashi . . . perhaps our new daughter is being born this month.

So . . . I haven't posted anything lately for two reasons. First, the pace of life has been a wee bit hectic. Peter and the boys performed six shows with the Northeast Wisconsin Passion Play, and I helped chaperone the children's choir backstage. Some dear friends welcomed their third son into the world, and I helped organize a few weeks of dinners for them. We had spring concerts, a two-day trip to Chicago and Milwaukee, along with piano lessons, Scout meetings, and other normal life stuff. I help run an outreach program for at-risk young women, and there were 48 Easter gifts to prepare for them, and teams to schedule for gift delivery. And Anya Rashi started swimming lessons, just for good measure.

But the other reason I haven't written is that I've been very aware of some adoption-related milestones. Peter and I drove to Milwaukee to be re-fingerprinted for the adoption, which means that 15 months have passed since we first filed for our daughter's I800 immigration approval. This month is also the month we thought we might be traveling, if our adoption timeline had followed the same path as Anya Rashi's.

Instead, Easter Sunday will mark 18 months on the waiting list for us. We started out in October of 2009 at #11, and in just a few months, moved up to #7. Then after a few more months, we were #3, and there we have stayed. We never dreamed we would be waiting this long. There have been no referrals since June of 2010, I think -- and before I feel too sorry for myself, I remind myself that Sarah's and Karen's families have been waiting ahead of us even longer.

I am glad that most of our spring busyness is over, so I can concentrate on Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and glorious Easter Sunday. The timing is perfect, reminding me of Jesus' friends, disciples, and mother, who thought the story was over when He was crucified. Their wait was three agonizing, grief-stricken days -- they did not know that the story would end with a miraculous resurrection.

I know the end of that story, just as I know the end of our adoption story: new life. We will eventually see that first picture of our new daughter, and eventually fly halfway across the world to gaze upon her in person and welcome her into our family. If I ever doubt that she's real, I only have to look at our evidence -- the bubbly, inquisitive, funny, creative big sister who traveled the same road to us three years ago.

An amazing adoption story

2011-03-31T05:50:00.001-07:00

Outside the baby home where Anya Rashi was cared for -- and where Varsha is right now.

I just wanted to share a link to another adoptive mom's story. Amanda is someone I've "known" for a few years through the blog world. She has two children from the same orphanage where Anya Rashi lived -- and she is an amazing advocate for them. They've been through surgeries, appointments, walkers, physical therapy, and more as she helps Ananya and Prasun be all they can be. She also homeschools their oldest son. Are you tired yet just hearing about her stamina? I deeply admire her tenacity and perseverance.

I have a special fondness for their son Prasun. When we traveled to meet Anya Rashi, I got to meet him and take pictures to give to Amanda. That child has a 1,000 watt smile, and he's almost always smiling!

They recently accepted another referral -- and the story of Varsha coming into their family has the fingerprints of God all over it. You can read about it here: http://www.alwaystryingagain.blogspot.com/

Because this is their third adoption in five years, they are financially tapped out. If you could contribute even $5, it would help them reach their goal of getting sweet Varsha home. Thanks!

Warm thoughts

2011-03-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

We've spent the last week thinking warm thoughts, brought on by the return of a few days when the thermometer reached 50 degrees! One local weather broadcast said that it had been 114 days since the last time we experienced a 50 degree day, so it was a welcome feeling.

In another burst of spring fever, Peter decided it was time to put together the grill that arrived as a Christmas present. While the guys built it, Anya Rashi did what every self-respecting preschooler should do: she played in the box the entire time.

Our weekend plans fit nicely with the theme -- my sister Alicia visited, and instead of staying with us, she decided to book a room at a hotel with a small waterpark. We didn't tell the kids until Saturday morning, and Anya Rashi packed her own suitcase within 15 minutes of the good news! After removing the two skirts, dominoes, Christmas outfit, Ziploc bag full of costume jewelry, and fluffy princess slippers, there was room for essentials such as pajamas and swim suit. What she lacked in packing know-how she certainly made up for with enthusiasm!

We swam in the afternoon, the evening, and again in the morning before checking out. The kids had a ball!

Sunday afternoon was spent with my mom's entire side of the family -- minus the children. My mom's family has a winter get-together each year so the grown-ups can have a chance to catch up with each other's lives. We have a pot luck lunch, then talk and play card games, etc., then finish up with a snack/early light dinner.

The jewelry photos were the result of a great surprise -- Kim, who is married to one of my cousins, makes stunning jewelry from recycled metal. She gave me one set of earrings and pendant, and I purchased another set (only $8.00!!!) for a friend's birthday. Kim said that she likes to keep her prices low so that everyone can afford them, and her costs are kept low because much of her materials are recycled metal. I love it when you discover new facets to someone you've known for a few years!

So . . . the grill is currently living in our garage. Because we're supposed to have 2-3 inches of snow today, and maybe some freezing rain. The warm thoughts are over, for today at least!

A book recommendation

2011-03-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

As a Caucasian mom who lives in the US, I know that I can never offer the same cultural experience that Anya Rashi would've had if she spent her childhood in India, with Indian parents. I have a great feeling of responsibility about making sure she grows up with knowledge about and appreciation for her dynamic birth country.

I enjoy incorporating bits of India in our daily lives. At this stage of parenting (and because I love to read), children's picture books provide a good window into India for all of our kids. I love it when a trip to the library yields a new find, as it did last week. We are enjoying The Sanyasin's First Day by Ned Shank, illustrated by Catherine Stock.

The book weaves together the lives of very different people on their first days in their new jobs: a sanyasin (a holy man), a police officer, a plumber, and a farmer. There is also a compassionate little boy who plays a part in the story.

The best part of the book for me, though, was the illustrator's attention to detail. The market scenes are colorful and lush, and there is a statue of Ghandi in the center of town. But the street scenes will be especially nostalgic for anyone who has spent time in India. The roads are crowded with ox carts, autorickshaws, bicycles, and people on foot. The illustrator even included details such as the Tata brand name, and the ever-present instruction to "sound horn" on truck tailgates. That really brought a smile to my face!

So we give this book two thumbs up, for lack of a better system, and will likely be purchasing a copy online for our own library. (I googled it already, and it's available through several sources.) I hope you enjoy it too!

Taking care of business

2011-02-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

After bathtime

We've been taking care of business on a few different fronts. In adoption matters, we've reached that dreaded point where paperwork is expiring and needs to be renewed. We've been compiling all the references, doctor reports, tax records, and other items to update our home study and file for an extension with USCIS.

We hosted a new social worker for our home visit, and had a little fun telling her about our first visit ever. One of our kids (who asked to remain nameless) surprised us all by returning to the living room to say goodbye to our social worker . . . wearing only a shirt. No pants. No underwear either.

What should nervous parents do in that situation? Well, I don't know what you "should" do, but we couldn't help it -- we just burst out laughing. I think she will always remember that visit . . . and she even approved us, despite the surprise ending! Our visit this go-round was a little less eventful, much to our social worker's disappointment.

I realized I haven't given any updates about our very reluctant pooper. I'm happy to report that Anya Rashi is also "taking care of business"! Late last year, many of you kind mama readers left me advice (or just commiserated with me!) about getting a stubborn girl to use the bathroom for #2.

For whatever reason (perhaps due to discovering how much she loves candy canes after St. Nicholas left some in her stocking Dec. 6?), she has decided to be a big girl in every way. In addition to the candy canes, a bribe from Grandma may also have helped -- we posted a chart on the fridge, and when she had an X in every box for a successful trip to the bathroom, she got to go on a special outing with Grandma.

Who knows, though? Many moms I know have kids who just decided one day to do it on their own . . . but for us, finding the right incentives seems to have helped the most. Thanks again for all your kind words after my first post!

A Valentine adoption anniversary

2011-02-15T06:32:00.000-08:00

A bowl of flowers outside a museum we visited in Delhi.

Yesterday was full of reasons to remember it was Valentine's Day . . . Anya Rashi went to a little party at our YMCA and was thrilled to make a craft and bring home a goodie bag. Later in the day, we helped out with the party in Aaron's classroom. After school, we delivered decorated cut-out cookies for the residents of a homeless shelter near our house.

For our family, Valentine's Day is also an anniversary of sorts. Two years ago, Peter gave me a gift that I will remember forever. Two months earlier, I had contacted Dillon International to ask when their India program would be opening up again . . . and Peter and I started talking about a second adoption. I knew I was ready (just one short year after our first daughter came home with us!), but Peter needed more time for the idea to grow in his heart again. So I waited, quietly, trying not to get in the way as he considered and prayed about welcoming another daughter into our family.

When I walked into our bedroom that night, I found a gift on my pillow -- it was a new accordian file like the one we used to hold Anya Rashi's paperwork. He was ready to become the father to another daughter from India! Tears ran down my face as I read his letter that Valentine's Day, which was truly about love -- the kind of love that puts another before oneself, and sacrifices "wants" to be the answer to a child's need. I am so grateful to have a husband who doesn't prize his own convenience, and isn't overly attached to financial matters . . . because adopting doesn't mesh well with either of those things. :o)

I will always remember that Valentine's Day above all others, and I can't wait to share this story with our daughter someday. I hope she always knows that even though she will be our fourth child, she still has her own unique story. And that love doesn't shrink or get divided into smaller pieces as a family grows . . . it expands to include more children, and it expands our hearts at the same time.

The inevitable Superbowl post

2011-02-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

Here are most of the kids, followed by all the guys, followed by a couple cheesy pictures.

Because we live in Wisconsin, I am contractually obligated to write a post about the Superbowl. Or they will escort me to the state line and drop me off in Minnesota. Not really -- most people in Wisconsin are too nice to do anything mafia-esque, even where the Packers are concerned.

We live a mere 30 minutes' drive from Lambeau field, and our group of friends from Bible study are all Packer fans (even the ones who weren't born in Wisconsin!). We decided to get together to watch the game. Here's the math: 12 adults, one high school freshman, and 18 kids between the ages of 4 and 12. It was really loud, and really fun!

The kids spent most of the time either eating snacks or playing ping pong in the basement, while some of the older boys watched the game. All the kids were laughing at the men, who were hollering and high-fiving each other when the Packers scored. One of the kids said, "I've never seen grown-ups jumping around and yelling so loud before!"

We had a great time, and let the kids stay up late to see the end of the game, as I'm sure plenty of other kids across the state did. Our apologies to all their teachers on Monday morning!

A little winter fun

2011-02-04T15:18:00.001-08:00

The past two weekends have been filled with reasons to leave our home in the cold weather, and reasons to invite people over.

In what has become a tradition over the past three years, my brother Matt helped Nathan create the 2011 edition Pinewood Derby car. His design was "Neptune's Revenge, complete with aquamarine paint and a yellow triton. It's a perfect arrangement: Matt gets to relive his Scouting days, and Nathan has access to some really cool woodworking tools (not to mention Uncle Matt's expertise!). Although his car didn't win the day, we had a great time watching all the races together.

Anya Rashi is one of those lucky kids with a birthday the week before Christmas. Last year, we experimented with celebrating after the holidays, and decided we liked that plan a lot. We took her out to lunch at one of our city's Indian restaurants, and had a party with grandparents and local aunts and uncles.

One special present was a doll bed that used to be my mother's. When I was little, the dolly bed came to our house and belonged to my sister and me. My mom refurbished and repainted it, and a had a friend make a fleece quilt. I just love having it passed down to the next generation, to see many happy years of play with Anya Rashi and her little sister. (Plus, our doll hospital is finally up to code after all those babies have been forced to sleep on the floor all this time!)

Like most of the nation, we're having our share of snow. I do think it's funny that Dallas, where our Green Bay Packers will be playing in the Superbowl, also got 5 inches! Everyone is going a little nuts here during the lead-up to the game. Yesterday, in below zero windchills, we saw a man rollerblading through town with a "Go Pack Go" sign pinned to his coat!

Republic Day

2011-01-26T06:43:00.000-08:00

These photos from our 2007 trip are a big contrast to the festivities for Republic Day this week. Click on the link below to see the celebration.

India just celebrated Republic Day, honoring the anniversary of the day their democratic constitution was signed. My sister Alicia sent me a link to some photos:

http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/01/26/5922969-republic-day-observed-in-india

I loved looking at these pictures because some of them were taken at a site we visited, on Rajpath near the India Gate and other government buildings in New Delhi. The celebration sure makes the area look different than when we saw it -- it was relatively empty except for the area right by the Gate, where there were tourists, vendors selling things, and even a snake charmer. I just love all the colors that India is awash in -- which are much more evident in the Republic Day photos than in ours!

On the adoption front, I'm hoping that we will hear something soon about the new CARA guidelines, which were supposed to fully take effect in January. I am hoping and praying that the process will begin moving faster once everyone knows what the new process entails.

I have been feeling pretty discouraged this month as the days tick by. I wonder if we will even have a referral by summer, or if our travel will be 18 months away or longer. Now that I'm on the dark side of 40, I feel even more urgency because I don't want to be a fossil by the time this girl graduates from high school!

On days when I have a little more perspective, I can remember that God knows who our daughter is and has planned for her to enter our family in His own time, and I feel a little more peaceful. But the other days are just sad, wondering when it will finally happen.

In the meantime, I've been watching as Anya Rashi's cribmate Devi becomes a big sister. If you'd like to read Julie's fantastic posts about their travels in India and first days with Treya, click on "A Princess Born of India" in my blog list.

A little rambling

2011-01-12T18:25:00.000-08:00

I usually take a few moments around my kids' birthdays to record some things about them. Because Anya Rashi's birthday is so close to Christmas, I often find myself waiting until after the holidays to do it . . . so here goes!

At your 4-year-old checkup, Anya Rashi, you were in the 94th percentile for height and the 75th for weight. I still can't believe it! I know that so many of your crib mates are very petite, but you are going to pass me up in height by the time you're 14 at this rate! When I see you next to the kindergarteners at school, it looks like you should get in line with them. :o) You are wearing size 4 and 5 clothing, and size 11 or 12 shoes.

You have some charming habits and games right now. You have an imaginary friend called Tiny Bug. When you waggle your index and middle fingers on your left hand and talk in a high-pitched voice, we know that Tiny Bug has made another appearance. The photo of you wrapped in a blanket is evidence of your delight in saying, "Wrap me up like a burrito, Mama!" After you're folded up in a blanket, your next command is, "Now eat me up!", followed by fits of giggles. You also like to play a guessing game in which we take turns giving clues so that the other person can guess which character we're thinking of.

You love to listen for different letters in words, and spot letters on the page as we read books. Your favorite this week is Charlotte's Web, and you laughed out loud tonight when we read about Wilbur trying to spin a web. You loved reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas in December, and can recite much of it by heart.

When you've done something that's not allowed at our house and hear that you're going to have a consequence, you say, "I am the only who has the good ideas at our house." You also love it if you're frowning and I say, "I have to fix your face," and I use my thumbs to pull your eyebrows from a scowl into a happy face. Both of us end up smiling then.

Your favorite bedtime songs are Jesus Loves Me, Take Me Out to the Ball Game and You Are My Sunshine. You like to sleep with your "fuzzy" blankie and a collection of your tiniest stuffed animals. Last night you made up a "love song" for your brothers at bedtime, and sang about how much you love them. (It's always nice to hear that amidst the "You didn't ask to play with my toys! MOMMY!")

You are still holding onto a few sweet little kid pronunciations. The way you say "mother" and "brother" sounds like "muvver" and "bwuvver." You also still suck your thumb when you're sleepy or have unoccupied time (such as riding in the van). You've figured out how to roll your tongue into an "o", and you've also taught yourself to skip. You are trying to learn how to raise just one eyebrow.

Just now, you're working on a bead project, and out of the blue you said, "Isn't it exciting to get our baby sister?" Yes indeed . . . it will be very exciting.

* * * * * * * * *

You may be wondering about the foot photos . . . I just wanted documentation that my 10 year old son has feet that are almost as big as mine! And that's saying something -- I do not have dainty, demure feet. Aaron's feet are almost as big as my size 9s!

Christmas surprises

2011-01-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas was FULL in so many wonderful ways, so much so that I'm not even sure how to write about it. Peter had the week off between Christmas and New Year's Day and it was such a treat to have him home. This afternoon, he went back to work for our Saturday night service, and right in the middle of a craft project, Anya Rashi burst into tears and wailed, "I want my Daddy!" So I guess she liked having him home too!

We spent Christmas Day with Peter's family up in northernmost Wisconsin. The kids were thrilled to walk on the frozen lake at Aunt Anne & Uncle Nick's house, and Anya Rashi helped feed their chickens. The boys went out with their 17-year-0ld cousin Jack to help check his traps; he was hoping for ermine, but they found nothing. We had a great day tromping around in the snow, playing games, making snow angels, and enjoying a wonderful Christmas dinner.

The next day was our turn to host my family. Instead of the traditional turkey dinner, we opted for Italian, and had a feast of two kinds of lasagna, great fresh bread, olives, and salad. I did make pumpkin pie for dessert -- some traditions you don't mess with! My parents surprised us with a family gift of the Wii, which was a huge thrill for Aaron and Nathan. I love looking around my living room and seeing my whole family together.

Two of the best surprises were gift-related. About two months ago, Anya Rashi fell in love with a Princess Jewel fishing game. She talked about it for weeks, hoping she would find it under the Christmas tree . . . and her brothers got it for her! She was beside herself, and hugged Aaron and Nathan, who felt like heroes. The best moment, though, was when Peter opened the gift Anya Rashi chose for him. We were at a store when Anya Rashi spied a gift at the checkout counter and said, "I HAVE to get that for Daddy! He will LOVE it!" So we did . . . and Peter laughed so hard when he opened it: it's a Jesus keychain that lights up like a flashlight. She was right -- he does love it!

We got together with friends, went sledding, had a dinner date at a fondue place, and Peter's parents took us to see a huge light display in a city near ours. We spent New Year's Eve with some good friends -- a former co-worker from my museum days and her family -- and have had a quiet day at home today.

One unexpected thing happened Christmas night, when Aaron accidentally ate something with eggs in it. I don't write about it often, but he has severe food allergies to eggs and peanuts, and each reaction gets stronger. We work really hard to avoid those foods, but sometimes even our best efforts fail. This was the first time Aaron was actually frightened, because he felt his throat getting tight, and he thought he might have to use the EpiPen. (This child hates needles to the degree that he once had a filling done at the dentist with NO anesthetic!) Thank heaven my sister, who is a doctor, was sleeping over at our house and could watch over him along with us. She had her stethoscope in her car, and saved us a trip to the ER by listening to his breathing and helping us figure out how to adjust his medicine doses after he vomited.

He was fine by the time 24 hours had gone by, but it was really frightening. Most of the time, I try to ignore the reality of how dangerous everyday food can be for him. The next day, I was in tears because we thought he'd been exposed again -- and I got on the phone with a grocery store to find out the ingredients in what he'd eaten. Over the years, I have found one positive thing about his allergies: it has reminded me over and over how fragile life is, and how blessed we are to have our children for whatever time God allows us to have. His allergies are an exercise in trust for me . . . trusting the school, trusting other parents, trusting the leaders next year at summer camp, and ultimately, trusting that God will protect him, allergies and all. Wish I were better at that.

Last night, I'm happy to say that we were surprised in a great way: our friends' Christmas present to Peter and I was the proceeds of their autumn rummage sale . . . to use toward our plane tickets when we fly to India. I was in tears all over again at their support and kindness. They and their kids folded all the bills into little paper airplanes (so cute!), and stuffed them all into a zipper bag made by a fair trade company in India. Every part of that gift was so thoughtful! We are so blessed to have them helping us and cheering us on as we wait. I can't think what we ever did to deserve friends like we have . . . but I sure am grateful for them.

My only New Year's resolution for 2011 is that I'm determined to find out who our next daughter is!! I realize that it's not a real resolution, because it doesn't depend on me at all (believe me, if it did, I'd already know!), but it's the thing that's foremost on my mind this January 1st. Happy New Year!

Birthday girl and a sleigh ride

2010-12-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

December 16 began with two grown-ups and two big brothers singing "Happy Birthday" to wake up a certain girl who turned four! Determined to take on greater responsibilites with her new age, Anya Rashi immediately handed me her precious "fuzzy" (her pink blankie) and declared, "Mama, you can give this to my baby sister. I won't need it any more!"

(Of course, naptime and bedtime told a different story, and she's happily snuggled up with her fuzzy as I type this.)

She absolutely couldn't wait for Daddy to come home so we could eat her birthday meal of Chicken Makhani, per her request. This was really the first year where the anticipation of gifts was completely tantalizing all day for her. To help the day go by a little faster, she built a fort out of blankets, pillows and our coffee table. She was Tinkerbell (never mind that she's never seen any movie, etc. featuring Tinkerbell), complete with fairy wings, and it was my job to be Buttercup, her fairy friend.

This day was unusual in that she actually played dolls in the traditional sense. Instead of playing dolly hospital, our Tinkerbell was mother to two babies in the fort. I was responsible for four babies -- she's savvy about delegating, apparently. :o)

It was a treat to see Aaron and Nathan eager for her to open their present to her (a little "Dora is a Big Sister" play set), and see them help take the toy packaging off -- no small feat, with all the plastic and wire ties! We also continued a tradition we did with both of our sons, and gave her a really fantastic children's Bible -- the illustrations are outstanding, and the text is great for an older child. She's seen the boys' copies, and was excited to have her very own. (Unfortunately, our cake photos didn't turn out very well . . . we will have to take more in January, when we celebrate with grandparents, aunts and uncles, I guess!)

We decided to use her birthday to transition to her new big girl (twin) bed, which was definitely a hit! In the evening, just the two of us were sitting together. Out of the blue, Anya Rashi said, "I thought I would be bigger!" After a little bit of conversation, I figured out that she thought she would suddenly wake up much bigger with the new, bigger number of four. So funny and sweet!

Something unusual happened on her birthday -- when we were driving the boys home from school, we saw what I can only describe as a rainbow cloud. I don't know if that's an official weather term, but the sun was shining on a nearly transparent cloud, and vertical stripes of rainbow colors appeared in the entire cloud. It was absolutely gorgeous, and we watched it all the way home.

Unrelated to her birthday, we took advantage of our 10 inches of snow this weekend and went on a real sleigh ride with some dear friends. A farm family about 20 minutes' drive from our house offers sleigh rides out to a little cabin they built for their grandkids. We brought all the fixings for a simple dinner, and got to hear the tinkling of real jingle bells on the back of two Belgian horses as our sleigh runners squeaked against the snow. It was pure joy to see the kids' faces as we boarded the sleigh for our sunset ride! Everyone's cheeks pinked up quickly in the 16-degree weather, and we just had to sing "Jingle Bells" as we rode. We roasted marshmallows by the fire, and warmed up in the cabin by a wood stove. The hazy moon peeked out behind trees and clouds as we rode back to the farm, turning the snow silver . . . it was truly magical.

What were you doing three years ago?

2010-12-12T15:02:00.000-08:00

Three years ago to the day, we were in Kolkata, meeting our daughter for the first time! We will never forget the walk up that dim staircase to the clean, bright rooms where the babies and toddlers were. Our eyes scanned the cribs until they landed on Baby Rashi's face -- a face we knew and loved from the pictures we'd received during our long wait.

Those first days were filled with wonder that it was all really happening: after two years of waiting, we were finally holding and feeding this new little daughter! We cannot imagine our lives or our family without her.

I can't believe that three years have already gone by. She is so inquisitive, funny, sweet, and opinionated. We love hearing her try to sound out which letters are in a word, we love watching her quick fingers put a puzzle together, and we even love listening to a little grumbling about wearing tights and a dress -- then seeing her light up at the compliments her Daddy gives her.

We love you, Anya Rashi, and we are so grateful that God has entrusted you to us.

Words of hope

2010-12-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

I found this quotation, and thought I'd share it with my waiting friends. Although it's not written about waiting during an adoption, I thought it was so profound regarding "a separation whose purpose we fail to understand." I love the hope it casts during the holidays, when separation can feel even more painful. It was written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer to his fiancee, while he was held in a Nazi prison in 1943:

Be brave, my dearest Maria, even if this letter is your only token of my love this Christmas-tide. We shall both experience a few dark hours -- why should we disguise that from each other? We shall ponder the incomprehensibility of our lot and be assailed by the question of why, over and above the darkness already enshrouding humanity. We are being subjected to the bitter anguish of a separation whose purpose we fail to understand. And then, just when everything is bearing down on us to such an extent that we can scarcely withstand it, the Christmas message comes to tell us that our ideas are wrong, and that what we take to be evil and dark is really good and light because it comes from God. Our eyes are at fault, that is all. God is in the manger.

Advent and waiting

2010-12-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

This nativity was outside St. Paul's Cathedral in Kolkata during our trip in December 2007.

I haven't posted for a few weeks, for a variety of reasons. First, I've had a horrible cough for nearly three weeks that mutated into something that required an inhaler and some codeine cough syrup to convince it to go away. But now I think I'm on the road to recovery at last. We had three dear friends from church pitch in by bringing us some meals to help me rest . . . their care and generosity brought tears to my eyes, to say the least.

Second, this week is officially our Christmas crazy week. Nathan is in the Christmas musical at our church this weekend, which Peter directs. Aaron's had several rehearsals for his boychoir concerts this weekend.

Third, our van died and (mercifully!) just needed a new battery. We are so blessed with family who stepped in for chauffeur duty at the drop of the hat until the following day, when we put in the new battery.

Fourth, our adoption morale is kind of low right now, and I just didn't know what to write. We heard back from our case worker after her trip to India in November, and there's very little good news to be had. We are cheering for the families with referrals already, as their paperwork has passed the new CWC hurdle in India . . . but the discouraging news is that things are at a standstill right now, and likely to be that way into 2011.

There are a few reasons for this -- until the families already matched with a child get through the court process and travel to bring their children home, no new babies can be welcomed into our orphanage. Every single child there is matched with a family (which is wonderful), but they're all stuck there as the new paperwork process in India gets sorted out. My heart breaks for all those kids growing older every day without their families, and for all the infants and children turned away because there's no room.

Which brings me to the subject of Advent. While we anticipate Christmas, I can't help but think of Mary and Joseph, waiting for their Child, and being turned away from inn after inn because there was no room that baby either.

And I can't help but think of a weary world waiting for the Child to be born, and for the hope that He would bring. We are weary of waiting, and don't know when our journey will end. But just as Mary and Joseph eventually reached their humble destination, so will we. And just as they rested in the knowledge that God called them to their journey, we can find peace somewhere along our own uncertain journey. It will not be comfortable or easy (although I'm sure it's easier than making a 70-mile trip on a donkey while 9 months pregnant!), but we know what the end will be: a daughter welcomed into our hearts, brought to us because of the love we've received from that other Child.

I hope I can hold onto that idea as the wait continues to drag on.

A must-read

2010-11-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

I'm only halfway through this book, but it is so outstanding that I wanted to share it. It's now on my must-read list for all parents, teachers, and care-givers.

The book is I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World, by Marguerite A. Wright. Of course, I am not raising a black or biracial child -- but because Anya Rashi has very brown skin, she will look different than 85% of her classmates at school, and already is the focus of many questions and comments in public settings. (The conversation in the grocery store a few posts back also reinforced to me that bigots don't care what your cultural heritage is, they just see the color of your skin.)

Truthfully, though, I'd recommend this book to every parent, even those who are Caucasian parents raising Caucasian children. There was a great Newsweek article (Sept. 2009) called "See Baby Discriminate" that mentioned that Caucasian parents do the worst job of talking openly about racial differences or discrimination, operating under the altruistic but dead wrong idea that children are color blind. The article detailed a variety of fascinating studies that show young children do notice differences in skin color -- they just don't attach any negative meanings to them, unless they've been taught to do so.

I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla is actually fun to read, because in addition to the interesting and readable scholarly writing Wright does, she also cites many conversations with real children. Their answers are humorous, poignant and uncensored. She also includes memories of adults, some famous and some ordinary people, that shaped their racial identities and ideas about the world.

One of the most valuable elements of the book, though, is that it's broken down by ages and developmental stages. I was totally enthralled by her chapters on pre-schoolers, because it so closely mirrored our experiences and some of Anya Rashi's conversation. Just yesterday, Anya Rashi was building a play fort, and happily said, "I wish my skin looked like yours, Mama."

Many of us adoptive parents would be cringing and thinking, "What have I done to make her think white skin is better than brown skin?! I must tell her she's wrong, that brown skin is gorgeous, etc. etc. etc." Instead of unleashing all that, I asked her, "Why is that, sweetie?"

Her answer? "Because I love to eat vanilla wafers because they're so good, and your skin looks like a vanilla wafer." All with a beautiful smile. So I answered, "Your skin looks delicious to me because it reminds me of chocolate, and you know that's one of my favorite things." This isn't the first conversation we've had -- she usually tells me I look like a peach -- but I found it funny that she used vanilla (as so many pre-schoolers do) while I'm reading this book.

One of the book's main points (so far!) is that adults misread what children are saying at different developmental stages, and often ignore obvious differences in appearance that children are aware of, or overemphasize racism and instill fear and mistrust that outweigh what the child might actually experience in life.

Practically speaking, some of the most useful parts of the book are the quizzes, exercises and suggestions for parents and teachers. I love that the author doesn't just throw a bunch of theories and research on the table, but actually shows how to live out better ways of handling charged racial situations.

I hope you get as much out of this book as I am!

Diwali

2010-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

This week we recognized the Indian holiday Diwali, that celebration of light winning over darkness, good over evil. With Indian food and candlelight, we placed our thoughts on the Light of the World, and read a few verses about light. I've been thinking a lot lately about the cultural part of adopting a child from one culture and raising them in another, entirely different one.

When we were in our first adoption process, a parent at our school asked us if we were planning to raise our daughter to be Hindu. The obvious answer is that, since we ourselves are not Hindu, we would have no idea how to teach her to be! Another reality to consider is that India itself is home to Muslims, Jains and Sikhs, as well as Hindus and Christians. We love India and are repeatedly asking ourselves how we can honor the traditions and holidays of her birth country (many of which are Hindu), while also teaching her about and including her in our own devotion to Christ. We want her to be proud of being Indian, and we want her to know the history and modern-day realities of the country we've grown to love.

We are still learning how to combine cultures. We want Anya Rashi to know about all things Indian -- and so we teach her what Diwali is about. In our own family celebration, we make Chicken Makhani and Pav Bhaji (full disclosure: the Makhani is homemade from scratch, and the Pav Bhaji is by our good pal Trader Joe), we light candles in Indian candle-holders, and we celebrate the victory of light overcoming darkness.

We think of our friends Usha and Murli, and other Christians in India doing amazing work caring for the poor, tending the sick, loving the abandoned, and feeding the hungry. We think about the boys from Mumbai who visited our church this summer, and marvel over their stories of rescue from the streets thanks to the love of K. K. Devraj and Bombay Teen Challenge. They are all living the victory of good over evil every day, and we pray for them.

So our Diwali is a bit of a mosaic. How about yours? I'd love to hear how other families navigate this part of parenting.

Costumes & grocery store adoption bonding

2010-11-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share a few photos of our fun weekend. Peter and I dressed as, umm, geezers for a costume wedding reception. Much of our costumes came courtesy of my Mom: I was sporting her fabulous cat-eye sunglasses from the 1960s, along with her hat, gloves, and fur-trimmed coat, while Peter carried my grandpa's cane.

The kids, however, were way cuter! Building off Anya Rashi's wish to be dressed as cheese, Aaron and Nathan agreed to be a mouse and a mousetrap. Nathan even made up a name for his rodent trap: The Mouse-inator 3000!

* * *

This morning brought one of those blessed moments that seem to happen at just the right time along this adoption journey. As Anya Rashi and I were headed toward the check-out at our grocery store, a woman in her late 50s stopped us.

"Excuse me," she said, "but is your daughter adopted from India?" She went on to say that she and her husband have two adult children who were born in Pune! Her son is now the director of aquatics at one of our local YMCAs, and her daughter works for a city Park & Recreation Department. Hoping to gain some wisdom from her, I asked how their experiences had been when their kids were older.

She said her kids have a positive view of being adopted, but ran into a few bumps in the road as they grew up because of other people's perceptions. When her daughter was in elementary school, she came home from school one day and innocently asked her mother "What does n----- mean?" She had never heard the word before, but another child had called her that at school. Her son has been subjected to extensive searches at airports EVERY single time he has flown. He gets profiled as a terrorist every time he sets foot in an airport, and once was pulled out of line for a second search after the first one.

She congratulated us on our upcoming adoption, and said she remembered how hard it was to wait -- she and her husband got the call about their first child during a New Year's Eve party at their house, and her eyes still glowed as she retold the story. She also showed me photos of her gorgeous grown children. It was such a joy to talk with a mom who has raised her kids and navigated some of the difficult parts of having children from another culture.

We said goodbye -- my frozen food was melting, and she was visiting the store with her clients (she works in an assisted living center) -- and both of us walked away feeling blessed, I think.

A year on the list

2010-10-27T12:58:00.001-07:00

This was one of our family photos for our dossier.

Last year, on October 27, Peter and I were giddy with excitement to finally be "on the list." I posted that we were going to enjoy that feeling, because it wouldn't be nearly as exciting 12 months later -- and I was right. Here we are, in the same position on the list that we were in June -- frustrating!

Truly, adoption is a marathon, not a sprint. We will celebrate Diwali next Friday with some Indian food and lots of candle-light, but I will secretly be wishing for the holiday to be over so business can start up again in Kolkata and Delhi.

I keep reminding myself that we waited 13 months for Anya Rashi . . . and that turned out pretty well!

This week will be a good one for getting my mind off of the list. We have to start building an operational volcano for Aaron's homework (yikes!), and we need to do some Halloween costume construction. Last time I checked, the boys were going to be a pirate and a knight -- but Anya Rashi was still deciding between a princess, a fairy, a butterfly, a mermaid, a lion, a doctor, or cheese.

That's right, cheese. :o)

I'm a real girl!

2010-10-18T07:22:00.001-07:00

At the library last week, we found a fun picture book related to adoption. In The Best Family in the World by Susana Lopez, a girl named Carlota finds out that a family will be adopting her. She fantasizes about her family being astronauts, tiger tamers, pastry chefs . . . and discovers that although they're regular people, elements of her fantasies are part of her new life. For instance, they may not work with tigers in the circus, but her new Grandma has two cats. I thought it was a great way to address the fantasies adopted children sometimes have about their birthparents, while appreciating what their adoptive families actually are like.

* * *

The title of this post refers to something I want to remember when the kids are older. Nathan often tells Anya Rashi "You're so cute!" Lately, she has started to object to being called "cute." Their conversation usually goes like this:

Nathan: "You're so cute!"

Anya Rashi: (fiercely) "I'm not cute! I'm a real girl!!"

After a moment:

Anya Rashi: "You can call me wonderful."

When we were driving and noticing all the spectacular fall colors, Anya Rashi said, "When I see those leaves, it's like God is hugging my eyes."

* * *

Much to the future embarrassment of my children, I am not above dumpster-diving. In our city, there's a kind of tradition that if you're getting rid of something usable, you leave it on the curb a day before garbage pick-up with a sign that says "free." Most often, someone will make it disappear, saving it from the landfill. Also, on the week when there is pick-up for bigger items, your stash on the curb is fair game for anyone who can make use of it.

Last week, we were on the way home from Aaron's boychoir rehearsal when something on the curb caught my eye. After many times on the "giving" end, it was my turn to be on the receiving end! I spied a nightstand that looked interesting . . . it definitely needed some TLC, but looked sturdy and well-made.

Anya Rashi and I took advantage of a warm day and sanded, washed and cleaned it, then put on a first coat of white paint, leftover from when I painted the kids' rooms. I'm not sure where it's going to go in our house -- one of the kids' rooms, possibly . . . But it is a nice, solid piece of free furniture! I'll have to post an "after" picture when we're done.

* * *

We went to a state park two weekends ago to enjoy some of our last fine autumn days. The kids love that park, because there's a huge lake, an observation tower, a statue of a Native American chief, and lots of hiking trails (not to mention some impromptu rock climbing walls!). We have to soak up every last drop of good weather before winter comes . . . and it definitely helps me to stay busy with family things while we wait for our referral.

A timely gift

2010-10-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

The scarf in the background is one that I found during our trip to bring home Anya Rashi.

Well, we are officially in October. Although I absolutely love autumn, I haven't been looking forward to it this year. This is the month when we can expect nothing to happen with our adoption, due to the Hindu holidays Diwali and Durga Puja.

In general, I've been handling the wait pretty well, but my friend Laurie totally undid me this morning. She brought a birthday gift to church this morning for me, and when I opened it I just started to cry. The photo doesn't do it justice, but the pendant shows a family of two parents with four children -- a little reminder of what our family will look like, hopefully sometime in 2011.

What a thoughtful friend -- and a truly beautiful reminder to keep my eyes on the finish line of this long journey that began in March of 2009. I treasure this gift even more because Laurie herself was adopted when she was an infant, and has been so supportive as we wait. She is a gem!

I also want to say thank you to everyone who left a comment about my last post. I was feeling the love from all of you who have been there (or are currently in the poopy-training trenches with me!). I was so happy to read them that Peter shook his head and said, "Only a mother would be this excited to read comments about poop." And he's right!

Fun times with Anya Rashi

2010-09-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

Notice that she's stuck a playing card and a big flat magnet into the heating/AC vent. Everyone needs a hobby, right?

She's showing you her popcorn, before it's chewed, mercifully!

With the boys back in school during the days, I've had a few fun weeks of girl time with Anya Rashi. I think ages 3-5 are one of the "sweet spots" of parenting. Anya Rashi is so much fun right now, with many original ideas about how the world works.

She asked me to e-mail Peter at work and tell him that "we love him so much that we are going to croak."

Earlier in the week, she was talking about her baby sister, as she often does. In past conversations, she's asserted that her baby sister "will have black hair like me, and brown skin like me." Things took a turn this week, when she piped up from her carseat, "Mom? I hope my baby sister has white hair, or green hair. Or . . . maybe . . . hair like yours." It's nice to have my plain old brown hair lumped in with such exotic choices. :o)

Tonight at our nephew's soccer game, Aunt Mary gave Anya Rashi a sucker, and was joking with her about not sticking it in her nose because it might get stuck there. Then the conversation went like this:

Aunt Mary: So we don't stick suckers in our noses, right?

Anya Rashi: Nope! Only fingers!

(Eew.)

Amidst all the fun, I'm seeking advice from other mamas:

With school starting and our days less interrupted, I've been trying to close the deal on toilet training. You'd think I'd be a pro by now, since I've successfully trained two already . . . but you'd be wrong. Anya Rashi has a will of iron about going #2. Training for potty was a breeze, but she has some kind of major fear about going #2 where she's supposed to.

Compounding the problem is the necessity of running around with two older children (that's why I waited until our days would be free to focus on #2). Often, I have had to use Pull-Ups because we don't have the ability to do underwear clean up at, say, a baseball diamond or piano lesson. I detest Pull-Ups (and considered titling this post "Why Pull-Ups are of the Devil," but thought that was a little too dramatic!) because they prolong the training.

But I've been using them here and there -- until this week. We've been all undies, all the time . . . with zero success. Argh. This girl is stubborn. I've stolen an idea from another mom, who uses a discipline technique called "The Basic Plan" vs. "The Deluxe Plan." The Basic Plan is love and basic meals, but no other frills or treats (no desserts, trips to the library, wearing a favorite outfit, extra fun things like PlayDough, etc.). The Deluxe Plan includes all the trimmings and special privileges.

We're going to have the Basic Plan on days when she doesn't put #2 in the toilet, and hope that she figures out that life is a lot more interesting with the Deluxe Plan. (Don't know if I'm going to inflict Anya Rashi in underwear on the Sunday school volunteers, though . . . she will either have to stay in church with me, or wear the dreaded Pull-Ups.)

Does anyone out there have experience with a stubborn pooper? Please leave your advice in the comments -- I'm desperate! I'd love to have some ideas to try if a few weeks of the Basic Plan doesn't do the trick. Thanks!

Doldrums and gratitude

2010-09-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

"Doldrums."

It's a nautical term that well describes where we are in our adoption process right now. The Doldrums refers to an area in the ocean north of the equator. It's a place where old fashioned sailing ships were becalmed, and got stuck for days or weeks on end, with no air to fill their sails. The perfect storm of weather conditions and location made mighty ships stand still, powerless to move.

Our perfect storm is made up of licensing issues, placing our adoption status at a standstill since June. CARA, the governmental authority in charge of adoptions in India, is changing the process by which orphanages can clear children for international placement. That means we will be waiting more months than we'd hoped to find out who our daughter is.

We have plenty of company, unfortunately -- the other families on the waiting list are in the same boat (horrible pun, yes?), as well as the families already matched with their children. They have to go back and get their children cleared through the new agency before they can move on to the Indian court system. It's maddening, and frustrating for us all . . . and my mind is foremost on the children, who have to wait more weeks and months before meeting their forever families. Sigh.

My only comfort is that God knows who she is, and He is in charge of the whole process. I'm making myself a little crazy though, because I know that for the entire month of October, the Indian holidays of Diwali and Durga Puja mean that nothing will happen at all. I also had visions of being able to announce who our daughter is in our Christmas letter. (Isn't it weird that I'm thinking of that?! And I can't even blame pregnancy hormones.)

In the midst of it all, I am so grateful for Aaron, Nathan, and Anya Rashi, the three blessings we already have in our home. I have the deepest admiration for the mamas going through this who are waiting for their first child -- if it's this hard with the distraction of three children, I can't imagine how they're enduring the wait for their very first.

This week, we celebrated our oldest son. He made us parents in the first place, and has given us a decade of "experience" as Mom and Dad. Aaron, we are so grateful for you on your 10th birthday. You are becoming such a wonderful young man of kindness, intelligence, and strength. You are so compassionate that you would prefer to escort spiders outside our house rather than watch your Mom squash them in a panic. :o) You have an earnest desire to know and follow Christ, and you have wisdom that belies your age. We pray that these core parts of who you are never change, and we can't wait to see what's in store for your future. We love you.

What I did in the last week of my summer vacation

2010-08-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

In the past week, we:

a.) went camping and got lots of mosquito bites

b.) celebrated my birthday with S'mores and more mosquito bites

c.) held a rummage sale with my best friend from middle school & high school

d.) took the kids to watch a classical Indian ballet

e.) drove Peter's parents back to their hometown to see their old house, visit a maritime museum and eat at a restaurant/chocolatier/ice cream parlor that's an institution in that city

f.) celebrated Aaron's 10th birthday today with our family (his party will be on Labor Day)

g.) met the boys' teachers the afternoon before our first day of school

h.) ALL of the above!

The correct answer is "h" . . . and it will be a bit of a relief when school starts tomorrow so we can all catch our breath!

We went camping because my sister called last week and said, "Are you feeling adventurous?" She had a few days off, and booked a campsite at a state park. We haven't been tent camping since Anya Rashi came home, and she loved it! After the first night, she said, "Can we stay FIVE more days?" It's a good thing we didn't, though, or there would've been nothing left of us except some very plump mosquitos.

The Indian ballet was courtesy of our city's Indian cultural group. We saw two short ballets by dance groups from Madison, Wisconsin and from the Chicago area. Although the stories were very familiar to Indian members of the audience, they kindly provided synopses for newbies like us. The first was about the love story of Krishna and Radha, and the second one was based on the story of Rama and his wife Sita, and their twin sons. We had to leave about 20 minutes before the end because Anya Rashi was starting to get a wee bit restless after an hour and 45 minutes of sitting still!

The dancers wore gorgeous, colorful costumes, and bells that jingled with each stomp and step. It was fascinating to see their hand positions, which were similar to the hand positions featured on Indian statues. Each position has a different meaning (although I can't remember offhand what they all are!), and it was really beautiful and artistic to see them incorporated into dance.

Our nostalgia tour of Peter's hometown was especially sweet because his old neighbors were home and were delighted to see Mary Ann and Jim. We had a ball listening to memories. Peter's dad was quite a daredevil as a child, and we heard hair-raising stories about fishing from an active railroad bridge, riding down a hill (in the middle of the road! in the daytime!) in go-karts, and being out on huge waves on Lake Michigan in a tiny fishing boat by himself, etc. In this era of child safety products, we were all left wondering how he survived to adulthood!

Although our heads are spinning a bit from all the fun, we relished every minute of it. Summer is officially done as of today . . . and we will be headed off to school in the morning.

Matri Sneha mini-reunion and final summer fun

2010-08-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

Well, we certainly are trying to wring the last bits of fun out of summer before school starts! The last two weeks have been packed full of fun things like babysitting our friends' gerbils during their vacation, going to the State Fair with Aunt Alicia, walking the trails of one of our favorite nature preserves and having our last baseball game. We spent yesterday afternoon at the site of an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition -- it's a family who goes to our church, and we were there as they came back to their new house!

We also did our school supply shopping, and found out who the boys will have for teachers this year. We will be squeezing in a few last summer playdates with friends before school starts, too.

Especially fun for me and Anya Rashi, though, was a visit with another Dillon family. We've gotten together with Michele and Ahly a few times -- we live just 2 hours away from each other. Back when we were waiting for Anya Rashi to come home, Michele and Todd were kind enough to make the drive to our city and show us their India trip photos. It was so good to see their gorgeous daughter in person, and realize with awe that one day WE would really have our daughter home too.

Ahly and Michele were in town because Ahly is starting kindergarten! They were making a special trip together to purchase school clothes and supplies, so of course we jumped at the chance to see them again. It was so great to have two "graduates" of Matri Sneha together again! They are very close to the same size -- Ahly is very dainty and petite, while Anya Rashi has always been tall for her age (she was in the 80th percentile on the US growth charts at her 3-year-old check-up).

We decided to have a a girls' night out at one of our city's Indian restaurants. This particular restaurant definitely makes things spicier than the other restaurant in town! Their "mild" spice-o-meter left Anya Rashi gulping down all of her water, and then my whole glass! I had one of my favorite dishes, vegetable korma, while Anya Rashi had butter chicken and Michele and Ahly had chicken Kashmiri makhani. We also had some awesome garlic naan. While Michele and I caught up on each others' lives, the girls colored and occasionally contributed their own thoughts to the conversation.

It was a Sunday night, and we were among the first customers after they opened. The restaurant gradually filled up with other patrons, many of whom were dressed in lovely saris or salwar kameez. On our way out of the restaurant, an Indian woman named Nidhi stopped Michele and I and asked if our girls were adopted. She was so kind, and asked the girls their names, and told us "this is a very good thing you are doing." She asked a few questions about where they were from in India, and said again that she was glad that we did this "good thing."

It was very heartwarming. There are two Indian moms at our school who are particularly kind and positive about Anya Rashi and how we are building our family. While we are secure in the knowledge that Anya Rashi was chosen by God to be in our family, I'm also aware that she will someday be at school without me by her side. I want to prepare her for those situations we heard about in our pre-adoption classes -- the ones where hurts happen because of family tree assignments, or innocent (or not-so-innocent) comments by other children or parents -- but I also want her to hope for the best from others.

So far, our experiences have been good for the most part, or endearingly funny. In May, one of the boys' Indian-American schoolmates saw me in the parking lot with Anya Rashi at the end of the day. He said, "You're Nathan's mom, right?" Then he looked at Anya Rashi and asked me, "Are you a babysitter, too?" His mother (who I'm friendly with) was mortified, but I absolutely am not offended by innocent remarks like those. (Anya Rashi was paying no attention to him at all, and missed the whole conversation.)

I just took the opportunity to say, "She is my daughter, but we don't look like each other, do we?" Then he said, "Did you adopt her?" I said yes, that her birth parents couldn't take care of her and looked for a family that could. Then he turned to his mom and said, "When can we adopt a baby brother for me?" It was so spontaneous and kind, and I complimented him for having such a big heart.

So, for Anya Rashi's sake, I always appreciate people from within the Indian community who reinforce that adoption is a good thing. It was doubly sweet because Anya Rashi got to share the moment with another mother and daughter who share the same beginnings at Matri Sneha.

50 years ago . . .

2010-08-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

. . . these two youngsters promised themselves to each other. These lovely people are my parents-in-law, and they are amazing. Jim and Mary Ann have been such a blessing to me ever since I married into their family -- they have stuck it out through many trials and savored many joys through five decades together. They raised seven amazing children -- all of whom are in "helping" professions like teaching, various medical careers, and serving in ministry.

We celebrated them last Sunday with Mass and a renewal of vows at their church, followed by lunch at one of their favorite restaurants. Peter wrote and sang a song for them, and most of their kids shared stories about them. As an adoptive mom, I was especially moved when Peter's oldest sister, Lynn, spoke.

Lynn is actually Mary Ann's baby sister. Mary Ann's mother died at 42, when Lynn was only two years old. As soon as Mary Ann finished nursing school (when Lynn was 4), she and Jim became newlywed parents to Lynn. During the anniversary party, Lynn described herself as a "youngest, middle, and oldest child." She was youngest in her birth family, oldest in her "adoptive" family, and right in the middle of the 13 kids from both families.

Not many newlyweds are prepared to love sacrificially, and essentially adopt a 4-year-old. In fact, when Jim proposed, Mary Ann said, "I suppose . . . " because she wanted to first ensure that Lynn would be part of the deal! It is a testimony to both of their characters that they never thought twice about raising Lynn together. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad. We love you so much, and pray that we will live up to the standard you've set.

What is Anya Rashi up to?

2010-07-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

Anya Rashi is now three and a half, and is delighted with anything outdoors. She loves to swim, play in sand, look at leaves and bugs (and pick them up, too!), go to parks, and ride her scooter and tricycle. Unfortunately, we have set a record this summer for rain -- over 17 inches since June 1, with lots of flood watches, hail, and more -- so she hasn't been able to swim as much as she'd like to.

One morning, Anya Rashi woke up and asked me to make her little teddy bear into a knight -- so with some foil and a toothpick sword, her wish was my command. The sleeping photos document her new habit of wrapping her beloved blankie around her head while she sleeps! She wakes up with some crazy, sweaty hair most days.

One funny thing you'll hear a lot at our house is "I have the dots!!" For some reason, Anya Rashi's hands, legs and feet fall asleep often. When she has the pins-and-needles sensation, she calls it "the dots." The first time I finally figured out what she meant, it was the middle of the night, and I went back to bed laughing so hard I woke Peter up.

She is very perceptive about emotional things, and can read facial expressions and moods very well. If I am feeling impatient with her and trying to hide it, she can sense it immediately and says "Laugh at me, Mama." If I explain that I still love her, but I don't feel like laughing, she will follow up with one of her own jokes: "Why did the penguin climb the tree?" Sometimes, right after she's done something naughty, she will flutter her eyelashes and say, "I love you, Mama." What a stinker!

Over the summer, she has made great strides with playing organized games. Last month, instead of just playing with the cherries from Hi-Ho Cherry-O, she became more interested in actually playing the game. This month's obsession, however, has been Go Fish! She will play many, MANY games each day if she can wrangle us into it. Luckily, there are four family members she can con into playing -- we all take turns, and Aaron and Nathan are so sweet about playing with her.

She went to the dentist yesterday for the first time and did very well! She was very cooperative, with one condition -- she wouldn't sit in the chair alone. So, on my lap she went, and sailed through the appointment with ease. The Dora sunglasses (to shield her eyes from the light) were a big hit. She's very literal right now, and the hygenist was complimenting her by saying, "You get a star for being such a good helper!" So, naturally, after it was all over, Anya Rashi said "Where's my star?!" (Side note: Our dentist is an adult adoptee who was born in Korea -- I've had some good conversations with her about her experience being an adopted child.)

Something else that is unique about Anya Rashi the way she plays with dolls. She usually doesn't pretend she's the mommy -- instead, she most often plays dolly hospital. I wonder if she will pursue something medical as a career? Last time, our dollies had H-1-1-1 (H1N1), and cavities. Interestingly, she always calls her smallest cloth dolly Baby Rup. Her other dolls have made-up names like Keeney, or are named after people in our lives -- but her India cribmate Max Rup has a special spot in her heart, so one tiny boy doll is his namesake.

Something Aaron and Nathan didn't prepare us for was squealing and screaming. A variety of reasons -- happiness, glee, frustration, anger, excitement -- all cause high-pitched noises that we never heard before having a daughter in our home. Yikes!

She is very interested in her baby sister. Almost every day, she brings up the topic of the little one we're waiting for. She will often remind us, "When I'm 4, then our baby sister will get here." Last week during bedtime prayers, she said "Please bring my baby sister home so I can hug her and give her a bottle." We have been running our short list of baby names by her (that's one thing I seem to obsess over every time a new child enters our family!), and she has a few favorites of her own. We are waiting until our referral to make a final decision, though -- we want to see what she looks like and hear her orphanage name before we can choose.

She is very bright, and often cracks us up with her questions. This morning, we saw monarchs and cabbage butterflies flying by after the boys' baseball game. Anya Rashi asked, "Mama, can butterflies hatch out of raccoons?" Why not? Sounds like coccoon, right?

Please consider helping rescue ten girls in India

2010-07-21T18:21:00.001-07:00

Updated 24 hours later: Great news! Enough money was donated to fund the rescue operation -- any funds that continue to come in will be used provide counseling for the girls as long as possible. $6,000 would be enough to provide a full year of counseling for all ten of them.

So many of you who read this blog care about the children of India. We have the chance to help ten of them.

These girls are being held against their will and forced to do unspeakable things, all while officials who are supposed to protect them look aside or profit from their suffering. You can read more about it here:
http://blog.beliefnet.com/redletters/2010/07/how-to-make-a-profit-selling-virgins-for-sex.html

An Indian wedding & teens from Mumbai

2010-07-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

There have been lots of Indian happenings in our corner of Wisconsin. First, my cousin Dale's daughter Bonnie was married in fine Hindu style this weekend -- they literally stopped traffic on the main street of our city as Vipin led a baraat, a traditional horseback procession to greet his bride. Their wedding was photographed and written up in the newspaper:

www.postcrescent.com/article/20100718/APC0101/7180514/story-photos-Procession-turns-heads

My cousin Dale and his wife Marcia are in the photo to the left of the groom. One fun thing that the newspaper didn't say was that the horse belongs to Dale's brother, Chuck. My mom and dad attended, and gave me the lowdown afterward. (Dale is one of over 40 of my first cousins on my dad's side -- my Dad is one of 11 children!). :o)

Last week, our church welcomed 13 boys from Mumbai, India. They led worship at our services, and are all learning music from a Wisconsin native who left a promising New York music career to serve with Bombay Teen Challenge. One young man shared his story in front of the church, and it left us all in awe of how he survived, and how God longs to draw each of us to Himself.

All of the boys come from harrowing backgrounds, and ended up in the loving care Mr. K.K. Devaraj, the director of Bombay Teen Challenge. In one evening, I was able to hear the stories of two boys -- they both fled abusive homes, only to face danger, hunger, and drugs on the streets of Mumbai.

One of the young men poured out his amazing story to me . . . just one small part of it was being healed of deafness. He'd previously had an unsuccessful surgery on his ear, and after he was healed, he went back to tell his doctor that Christ had restored his hearing. The doctor became a Christian because of this young man's testimony -- he saw the impossible became possible. I had goosebumps as he showed me the scar from his ear surgery -- he was positively glowing with joy as he shared his story.

On Saturday evening, we had the privilege of providing dinner for them, including Chicken Makhani and jasmine rice. It was truly astonishing to see how quickly the food disappeared -- all the rumors about the appetites of teenage boys are true!

They were all very interested in Anya Rashi, and depending on their degree of proficiency in English, asked or commented about her. My heart broke a little bit as they asked how old she was when we adopted her -- I know how difficult it is to find adoptive families for older children, and I wondered if they were asking because they wished they had a family to call their own. It made me grateful to have the chance to "mother" them for one day at least. She was a little overwhelmed by all the attention, not to mention the houseful of boys, and spent most of the time glued to my side.

Please keep these wonderful young men in your prayers. Several of them want to spend their lives serving and sharing the Good News in India. I keep remembering singing "Yeshu" together . . . that's Hindi for "Jesus."

North and South

2010-07-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well, for the past 2 weeks, we've driven three hours north, two hours south, then another 8 hours south.

We spent our first week of vacation at Fort Wilderness in northern Wisconsin. Peter was the speaker for a children's camp there. He taught about sixty 8-, 9-, and 10-year-olds about Jesus in the mornings and evenings, and the afternoons were filled with all sorts of outdoor activities. Peter has spoken there before, but this was the first time our sons were the "right" ages for the camp. They had a blast, got dirty, spent lots of time outdoors, and got to see their Daddy in his element.

Part of the reason Fort Wilderness is so special to us is that Peter and I have visited during each different stage of married life. He spoke to a high school youth group's winter camp when we were first married, and to another high school retreat when Aaron was our only child. We brought both boys there when they were 2 and 3 for a boys' camp, then again three summers ago while we waited to travel to India to bring home Anya Rashi. This time, we were waiting for baby #4 -- and we hope to go back again in two years with four children.

We stayed in a sweet little cabin nestled at the bottom of a hill that leads down to the lake. The boys LOVED the loft they slept in. Hope no one is squeamish about rodents . . . because we found out when we were packing to leave (ICK!) that some mice called the loft home.

Anya Rashi started out in a cute built-in wooden toddler bed, but graduated to the pack & play next to our bed after the first (sleepless) night. Poor thing -- she was so excited about the bed, but it was just too different from home.

After our week at camp, we drove down to Milwaukee. After cooking out with my sister and her neighbors (who have sons the same age as Aaron and Nathan) it was time to walk down to the lakeshore. We watched amazing fireworks over Lake Michigan, and could see them reflected in the tall buildings along the shoreline.

Then, we drove south to visit some friends in Kansas City. We spent some time at the International House of Prayer with them, which is such a restorative place to be. One night, I spent two hours in a prayer gathering devoted to praying for victims of human trafficking. We were praying specifically for children in Rio de Janeiro, which is the 2nd most-frequented city for s*x tourism in the world. It was painful and glorious at the same time to know about the depravity that happens there, but be united with others who share God's concern for these forgotten children.

For anyone who is interested, they have a ministry called Exodus Cry that is devoted to praying against and ending human trafficking. They will debut a documentary (scheduled for December 2010) about trafficking called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls.

That last topic isn't exactly "vacation-y", but it's something I'm passionate about. It goes hand-in-hand with my passion for adoption, since many children who "age out" of orphanages are easy prey for traffickers who promise legitimate jobs, then send children into hell on earth. The Red Letters blog on the sidebar is also devoted to trafficking, if you're interested.

Now, we've spent two nights in our own beds (but I'm not caught up on laundry!), and my kids are getting used to regular life again . . . and being forced to shower and bathe a little more regularly again. :o)

Thank you, Show Hope!

2010-06-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

I wish these photos were as vivid as the rainbow looked in real life!

We received almost the best news this week -- the best news would be a referral, of course! We had a wonderful surprise waiting in our mailbox: a letter arrived from Show Hope telling us that we have been awarded an adoption grant to help with a portion of our adoption costs!

We are very grateful and kind of shocked. We have applied to four grant organizations so far, and we knew they were all long shots because so many deserving families apply for a limited amount of funds. We are profoundly thankful to the donors who made our grant possible, and to Steven and Mary Beth Chapman for creating the foundation.

Most of all, we feel so cared for by God. He is truly showing himself to be our provider in tangible ways, and making the financial part of adopting feel like an adventure instead of something impossible.

Just wanted to share . . .

2010-06-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share a link to a great article about international adoption, specifically about the corruption that sometimes happens. I am certain that no one who reads our blog wants to gain a child at the expense of another family.

The information in this article made so grateful for the high ethical standards of both Dillon International and ISRC (the baby home where Anya Rashi and her new sister were/are being cared for). It also contains an explanation of the Hague Convention, for those who have wondered what that is.

When we go through the waiting, and the court process, it can seem endless. I think this time around, I will appreciate every day of the delay -- it's one of the things that guarantees that our children are legally and ethically brought into our family.

The article is called "The Baby Business," and I found it on this blog:
www.betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com

Adoption quotation

2010-06-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

It is nothing spectacular. I suppose a lot of people could look at this picture and say, "So?" And yet the picture is everything. It is everything in its inescapability, as is any quiet work of nature -- a ladybug on a blade of grass -- a tiger on a rock in the afternoon sun -- a mother and her daughter. A mother who was born on one side of the world and a daughter who was born on the other. How did it happen? How did they find each other? There can be no earthly answer. There can only be a divine one.

from The Exact Same Moon by Jeanne Marie Laskas

Thank you, Marilyn, for sending this in the mail -- and for all you offer me as an adoptive mom, writer, follower of Christ, and someone who lives life with joy amidst unpredictability.

Many reasons to celebrate

2010-06-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

We have had two party weekends in a row. The first was Peter's birthday, which we celebrated by seeing a Brewer baseball game (they won!) and spending a morning on the beach at Lake Michigan. He is the best daddy and husband in the world, according to our very unbiased sources.

That weekend also brought Memorial Day with it. We were happy to continue our tradition of watching our city's parade (it's also tradition that Peter and I will cry when the oldest veterans ride by), then planting our flowers and vegetable garden. Since we have kids that like to get dirty, that's always a great day.

Saturday brought a family wedding -- our nephew Christopher and his bride Angie were married, with Peter officiating. We had so much fun with the cousins, and roped our sister-in-law into taking a picture with the 5 of us for Anya Rashi's last post-placement report. Hooray! That's what the happy dance photo is for, at least in my opinion!

Thank you for your prayers for Peter's dad. He's doing very well with his cardiac rehab, and is able to drive again and do his favorite May/June pastime -- watching the NCAA softball and baseball tournaments. Please keep praying for his mom, who is still pretty shaken up by the whole experience. They will be married 50 years in August, and their lives are truly so entwined emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

Good news and bad news

2010-05-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

Our week has been filled with good news and bad news.

Bad news: Peter's dad had a heart attack last week, and spent 3 nights in the hospital. We were all shaken up and surprised, because he is so engaged in life that we often forget he's actually 73. He loves to travel, volunteered this year helping seniors prepare their taxes, does computer work for a local model railroad club, participates in a Bible study with his beautiful wife, and much more.

Good news: it was much less damaging than it could have been because he and Peter's mom paid attention to what was happening, and went to the ER right away. His prognosis is pretty good -- he's had two stents put in, and he's doing cardiac rehab. Everyone in the family was very worried, and this week just reinforced how dear he is to us all.

Good news: After nearly 5 months of no activity, several families accepted referrals of children in Dillon's India program! Three families ahead of us on the non-NRI list have been matched with their daughters -- congratulations, Lisa, Melanie and Emily! Because of these referrals, we have moved up to #3, which is very exciting!

Bad news: The baby home in Kolkata has been diligently attempting to renew a certain license that allows them to clear children for international placement. After a lot of waiting, they were issued a temporary license that allowed for the recent referrals. The bad news is that this short-term license expires in mid-June, and there's no way to tell when it will be renewed in the future. Needless to say, the open-endedness of this situation is a bit discouraging.

Good and bad news: The past two days, temperatures have soared to 93 degrees here! It's bizarrely warm for May in Wisconsin, and we've had some fun getting the sprinkler out. The bad news is the kids are still in school for another two weeks, but it already feels like summer!

Thoughts about waiting

2010-05-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Anya Rashi's referral photo.

Gidget and April, two of my blog friends, are in India right now meeting their new daughters! (They aren't blogging during their trips, or I'd post links -- there is nothing better than seeing a family created right before your eyes.)

With them on my mind, I've been thinking a lot about the strangeness of meeting a little person you've gotten to know by staring obsessively at photos from halfway across the world. I wonder if it's like an arranged marriage . . .

While you wait to travel, you try to glean ideas about her personality from the handful of photos you've been given. You search each expression and try to see if she's going to be shy, outgoing, creative, athletic, sunny, fiesty . . . and in some ways you create an identity for her. (And that identity may be nothing like her actual personality!)

Then, when you arrive at your child's orphanage and actually feel the weight of your baby in your arms -- you realize that this little one doesn't have any idea that her life is about to change drastically. Although you've had time to let love grow in your heart until it's bursting with joy, she doesn't know this weepy, happy, pale stranger at all.

There was a distinct moment when I realized that, despite my consuming love for her, we were strangers to each other. I was overwhelmed with the idea that she was so vulnerable, yet willing to trust me to feed her and take care of her. What a gift that trust was.

Then the real love begins -- the kind where you really get to know each other, where you're up late with a jet-lagged baby, where you get to see the first belly laughs, where you find out which songs are favorites, where you catch vomit, where you get used to each other. Where real life happens . . . together, forever.

I continue to marvel at the way she fits naturally into our hearts and family. It reminds me that God already knows who our next daughter will be, even as we wait for those first pictures of her.

A few special days

2010-05-10T18:45:00.001-07:00

We've had our share of special days lately. First was Nathan's 8th birthday . . . my middle son is getting so old! He had pancakes with a candle on his birthday morning, and was thrilled to receive his first ever video game (so was Aaron, by the look of that picture!). We invited some friends to visit a local museum to celebrate, and shared the party with Nathan's lifelong buddy Jack, who was born exactly one week after Nathan.

Our guy still loves to use his imagination, build with Legos, and do all the fun things he's done for the past few years -- but I can tell he's getting older because he asks great questions, knows so many scientific and historical facts, and tries some new defense lawyer-like logic when he's in trouble! He will be out of second grade in a few short weeks, and we are so proud of his curious mind, compassionate heart, interest in anything outdoors, and fierce love for friends and family. We are immensely grateful that God chose us to be your parents, Nathan.

I also had a wonderful Mother's Day. Saturday night found us at a favorite Mexican restaurant with my Mom, Dad, and sister and brother. Since becoming a mom, my new love language is when someone else cooks for me! We had fun celebrating my amazing Mom with some great food, and our waiter brought us complimentary drinks at the end of the meal -- I'll have to ask my Spanish-speaking sister what it was called, but it was almond flavored, with little bits of almond in it. Delicious!

On Sunday morning, all the kids piled in bed with me to start my day. With a little help from Peter, they remembered that my college sweatshirt was dying a slow death, and got me a new one. (And since it was about 30 degrees that morning, I really wished I could wear it to church!) I also have a coffee gift card to use, and some beautiful earrings Anya Rashi picked out for me.

Sunday evening was spent with Peter's parents, where we discovered that my sweet mother-in-law has kept a journal since they moved to our city in 1984. Peter and I were both in tears reading through good and sad entries, and looking at a book of poems she's written over the years. I have been truly blessed with both of my moms, who consistently honor God by choosing to give selflessly to others.

We also received a very welcome e-mail from our adoption agency -- over the next two weeks, we can expect to see some referrals happening for the families ahead of us! I just love seeing those new little faces, and knowing that these children will have a family to love them forever. We're also pretty happy knowing we will be moving closer to the day when we find out who "Number 4" is -- that's how Peter and I have been referring to her for a few months now. :o) (Hmm. #4? There may be a Brett Favre jersey in her future . . .)

When we got home Sunday night, our three kids were noisy and fun and LOUD. Peter and I exchanged a look over their heads and started laughing about how much louder it will be with another child in the mix. And then one of us may have started a chant: "Number Four! We need one more!" Yikes!

Adoption conversation at the library

2010-04-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

This is Anya Rashi in her Easter outfit.

Anya Rashi and I found a good picture book for adopted children at the library this morning. It's called Star of the Week by Darlene Friedman. If you have pre-schoolers or kindergarteners, you've probably experienced "Star of the Week" -- a chance for children to have a special week at school. Typically, they bring in a poster about their family, tell the class about themselves, and share a treat.

Occasions like this can be complicated for a child who is adopted (as we learned in our pre-adoption classes!), and the author does a great job helping kids navigate the emotional terrain. While celebrating her adoption story, the main character also asks questions about her birthparents and their circumstances. It is a wonderful first look at issues that Anya Rashi isn't quite ready for . . . but will be someday.

While I was talking about the book with Anya Rashi, and telling her that the girl in the story was born in another country (China), a voice behind us said, "I was born in Ireland." A man in his early 30s smiled down at Anya Rashi and asked where she was born.

He told us that he was adopted when he was 7 years old, and still has dual citizenship. He's now married and has three daughters, ages 8, 4, and 1. When I asked him if he could remember much about his earlier years, his eyes clouded over and he said, "I can, but I don't like to." I quickly assured him that I didn't mean to pry, and that it was his story to share or not.

He talked a little more with Anya Rashi about how lots of people are born in one country, then fly in airplanes to come home with their mommies and daddies to another country. I thanked him profusely for joining our conversation. He was so sweet, and told Anya Rashi, "You sure have a great mommy."

This conversation was so restorative -- especially this week, with the news of Artyem, the Russian boy who was abandoned by his adoptive mother. The parallels were striking -- this man was also an older child when he was adopted, and had seemingly been in some harmful, sad circumstances. I wonder if he was a "difficult" boy when he arrived home too, due to the wounds he'd incurred before he was adopted.

The devotion, loving care, and permanence of adoptive parents is so vital to kids who've learned not to trust adults to meet their needs. My heart aches that Arytem did not have parents who were able to commit to helping him, no matter what. And my heart also aches that the media are sharing this story so widely, when the vast majority of adoptions are success stories of loving parents and beloved children.

I never even asked the Library Guy his name -- but I'm so happy that he is living proof of how wonderful adoption is. And I'm grateful that he took time to share his story with Anya Rashi and me.

April snow showers bring . . .

2010-04-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

. . . confusion about global warming. Aaron was asking why we woke up to SIX inches of snow yesterday morning, if the earth is getting warmer! We were all oddly excited about it, though -- we've had a few warmer weeks, so the snow felt like a novelty even after a long winter. After school, we made the last snowman of the winter.

Good news

2010-04-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight we had some dear friends over to decorate Easter cookies. Yum! You should see the aftermath -- a hefty collection of cookie decorations on my kitchen floor . . .

This week brings good news in many forms. As some of you know, we've been #7 on the waiting list for referrals (that's adoption lingo for being matched with a child) for several months. The reason was that our orphanage was waiting for a particular license to be renewed by a national adoption authority. They'd submitted the proper paperwork on time, but were not getting any answer.

Earlier this week, we received an e-mail from our adoption agency that said a temporary 6-month license will be issued so that children can continue to be matched with families while they wait for the "permanent" renewal. That's great news for everyone who is waiting! Hopefully, several children's paperwork has been completed, and so several families waiting ahead of us will find out who their new sons or daughters are.

In general, the wait had felt easier this time -- being busy with three kids has made it go by a little more quickly, I think. But with no news since the beginning of the year, I did feel like a little hopelessness was creeping in. As much as we trust that God has a particular little girl chosen for us, and as much as we know that His timing is best, we were wondering, "how long?" What a breath of fresh air and renewal to hear that things will begin moving again!

More good news . . . yesterday, my brother Matt walked away from what could've been a serious accident on his motorcycle. He was hit by a minivan, but thanks to wearing a helmet and leather jacket, he is okay. He has some bumps and bruises, and spent the afternoon and evening at our house so we could watch for signs of a concussion. I was feeling so grateful yesterday that our day didn't end up with him in the hospital . . . God was certainly watching over him.

The other Good News, of course, is that we're celebrating Easter tomorrow. This verse undoes me every time, because it taught me how to forgive after I became a Christian at age 21:
"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 Even before I was sorry for or even aware of my sin, Jesus still chose to die in my place so I could experience heaven someday. I can't believe someone, much less God himself, would do that for me.

Happy Easter!

It's showtime

2010-03-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight is opening night for the Passion Play! Anya Rashi and I watched the first act in rehearsal on Tuesday, and was so much fun to see Aaron and Nathan in their costumes, getting ready for their first stage roles. It's a good thing I didn't take Anya Rashi to an actual performance -- when Peter first came onstage, she squealed "Daddy!!! Daddy!," and Peter almost burst out laughing.

Anya Rashi was a little upset by the scene when Jesus clears out the temple -- she's not used to seeing Daddy yell and tip over tables, apparently! She said, "Let's go get the boys now! Why was Daddy doing all that stuff?" After many times hearing the same reassurances, she seems to be satisfied with the idea that Daddy is just pretending. She has heard the same answer enough times that she can say it herself: "People forgot dat dey were 'posed to be praying in God's house."

A few people have asked about DVDs or recordings of the show. Their web site is http://www.newpassionplay.org/. I don't know how they do sales, but Peter's first year was 2009, if you're interested.

I'm so proud of all my men for helping tell the story of God's great love for each of us. Break a leg, guys!

Beauty parlor, hospital & more!

2010-03-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

Wow -- it's been two weeks since I posted, and I don't know how to sum up the time! I'll let the pictures do most of the talking. :o)

A smattering of events from our house these past two weeks:

Anya Rashi has discovered the joys of playing beauty parlor! Between our two heads, we used every barette in her collection.
Anya Rashi started playing doll hospital (another favorite game), and Nathan disappeared for a few minutes. He came back with a shirt and tie, and had drawn paper money, and asked to play along. When I asked him what he was going to be, he said, "The hospital's lawyer. That's why I have all this money." I tried hard not to burst out laughing, and he added, "I make sure that everyone has enough money to pay for their treatment." That is certainly a much kinder view than many people have about lawyers . . . and I have no idea where he picked up any of his ideas!
We had a great time one evening shoveling and taking a walk around the block in the dark. The snowbanks on either side of the sidewalk allowed the kids to lean back and make vertical snow angels. It was fun to see a trail of 3 different-sized angels the next day.
We had some fun with a few simple science experiments last weekend. All of the kids loved it!
My mom comes over almost every Tuesday night, just to hang out. When my dad doesn't have choir practice, he comes too -- but this week Grandma was solo. She's such a fun lady, with so much energy. The game she's playing is called Balancing Moon, and has been a favorite "first" game for all our kids.
Not pictured (mercifully) is the inevitable stomach flu bug that seems to come with each winter. Nathan is fully recovered now.
Not pictured is my cousin Mike's heart surgery. He's doing well, but still in the hospital. They fixed a problem that was diagnosed when he was 14, and finally was starting to create some complications. He's one of those quieter, steady, good guys, with a great sense of humor, a love of history, and is an avid bicyclist and motorcyclist. He also keeps track of our family's history, and has traveled to the Netherlands to meet relatives. I'm so grateful that he's recovering well. He's also our neighbor -- he lives 2 blocks away.
Also not pictured is Peter and I doing paperwork for several adoption grants. We didn't apply for any with our first adoption, but are finding it necessary this time around. Please pray that we have some great surprises in store through these grant applications, or from other sources.

Peter is growing his beard -- because he's playing the role of Jesus in the passion play again this year! After investing the time and memorization last year, it's nice to have him be able to do it again. Yesterday, we listened to a recording of one of his songs from the show, and it gave me chills.

Aaron and Nathan are joining the cast this year -- they're singing about four "crowd" songs, and Nathan is playing the (silent) role of Pharoah's son. (At the beginning of the show, there's a montage explaining Passover to give context to Easter. Nathan will be carried onstage by Pharoah, when Pharoah has finally been affected by the consequences of the last plague.)

Anya Rashi, in her current beauty parlor mode, could leave no hair untouched -- so Peter's beard was home to a half-dozen butterfly clips. What a good Daddy -- willing to be photographed in such an undignified state!

Flashback and flash forward

2010-02-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the three kids and I headed to Milwaukee to visit my sister Alicia. (Actually, we were on a mission to deliver fruit that she ordered from Aaron's boychoir fundraiser -- she won the award for furthest delivery, I think!)

Earlier this week, she'd been hinting at a "super secret project" she was working on. When we arrived, we went into her house to have a snack before going to Discovery World science museum, and she gave us a heart-shaped box with the project inside: a DVD that included all our photos from our 2007 India trip, along with the short videos we took, all labeled with names and places, with Indian music in the background! She did a beautiful job, and it looks like we could've paid a professional to do it. She has blessed us so many times over throughout both adoption processes.

What a gift to have this all in one place, and not on a computer (which I'm always afraid will mysteriously lose these precious memories). She even gave us a second copy, which we will put in our fireproof box for safekeeping. Right away, the boys asked to see the Taj Mahal photos, and the video of our first meeting Anya Rashi.

It is heartwrenching now to see how confused and frightened she was in those first moments -- she definitely knew something was going on, and it was going to involve HER. All she wanted was her bottle and nap, and here were these strangers making a fuss over her! It's amazing to look at her today, in all her joyful, noisy glory, and remember how timid she was.

While we watched the video of those first moments, something interesting happened: Anya Rashi said, "Is that upstairs, Mama?" I asked her to repeat her question, and she said, "Was that upstairs?" She caught me off guard, because I don't think we've ever told her that the baby home she stayed in was on the second floor of the building. (We live in a one-story home, so she likely wasn't talking about our house.) I wonder if some part of her remembers that scary trip down the steps with those pale, funny-looking new people.

After we got home and the kids were all asleep, Peter and I watched the other videos of our first days with Anya Rashi. It made us think about traveling again, to meet another tiny stranger who will become part of our family. We keep wondering if she's born yet, what her birthparents' circumstances are, and if she has any idea that there is a God who is working to bring our lives together . . .

We are still holding steady at #7 on the waiting list. I had a dream last night that there was a sudden burst of activity with new referrals, and we jumped up to #4. I've never had the experience that some people do, where their dreams are prophetic -- but I am hoping there's a first time for everything, and this might be mine!

Whether or not that happens, we are steadfastly praying that we will be surprised with good news about moving closer to our next daughter.

Scenes from our house

2010-02-13T16:25:00.000-08:00

If you'd been able to peek through the windows of our house these past two weeks, you would've seen a dizzying variety of experiences.

First, you would have seen me staring at the computer as I learned via e-mail that my friend, former co-worker and museum curator extraordinaire Kim had finally succumbed to ovarian, lung, and brain cancer. Her friends and family in Canada celebrated her life at a memorial service that I was not able to attend. But, in a divine coincidence, a mini-reunion of other museum friends was planned for that same weekend in our city. It was good to be together, talk about her, and remember all the people that made the museum such an incredible place to work.

A second look would've shown you an elaborate indoor picnic complete with fake food, doll house, kleenex, and more. Fun things happen when I have appointments and Anya Rashi stays home with Daddy . . .

But a night-time look in our window would've found two bleary-eyed parents and one sick little girl. Anya Rashi brought us a parenting first: our very first ear infection in 9 years as parents! She had a wicked cough -- so severe that she vomited 5 times in 24 hours from the violent coughing spasms. She's all better now, but the experience definitely left an impact: this morning, she was playing dolls, and placed a toy cup on her baby's lap "because my dolly might throw up from her coughs."

You would've seen more than a few laughs resulting from Aaron and Nathan creating a rock band starring their littlest stuffed animals. They taped spoons on for guitars, stood a pencil on end for a microphone, and used tiny medicine measuring cups to make a drum set. (Not to be outdone, Anya Rashi taped a serving spoon onto her stuffed jaguar. She wasn't quite sure why, but wanted to be part of the action.) The band's name: PET ROCK.

You would've witnessed a few tears when our beloved parakeet Cletus passed away. Afflicted with parakeet obesity, a grumpy disposition, and gender confusion (long-time readers of this blog may remember a visit to the vet where we discovered Cleo was, in fact, not a girl), Cletus died peacefully in his cage on a Saturday afternoon. That was actually an answer to my maternal prayers that we would not discover him deceased on a school morning . . . because my sweet sons cried their eyes out. We put him in an old 1-lb. chocolate box on a bed of bird seeds, and the boys had the brilliant idea to put their school photos in with Cletus. We tied on a silk flower and satin ribbon . . . but we live in Wisconsin, so we can't bury him until the ground thaws. You may be horrified to know that Cletus is currently resting in peace in his casket, wrapped in two plastic bags, IN MY FREEZER. This is not what you think about when you become a parent (and a germophobic one at that).

Another look through the window would show this mother learning some simple theology from her 3-year-old. When she prays, she has her own very touching way of beginning. After hearing us say "Dear Lord . . . ", she put her own spin on it by saying "Lord, dear, . . ." It sounds like she's having tea with Him and is about to ask Him to pass the sugar. Strangely, her little phrase has had a profound effect on me -- it's definitely made me think about how intimate I can be with Jesus, even to the point of calling Him "dear."

If you had peeked through the window this Friday evening, you would have seen us celebrating Valentine's Day a bit early. Peter is a wonderful husband and father -- each year, he takes the kids on a little shopping trip in the quest to teach the boys to be good husbands, and to teach Anya Rashi how she should expect to be treated by her future husband. The kids choose something small for me (one year it was a huge fake amethyst costume ring, once it was a bottle of perfume, once a cotton shirt), while I make a special dinner that we eat by candlelight. This year, we followed up with dancing in the kitchen (and teaching the boys how to cut in politely!).

What's the favorite scene from your house so far this month?

Birthday girl

2010-01-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

Apologies for the wacky spacing!!! I can't figure out how to fix it without accidentally deleting photos.

January brought with it the chance to celebrate Anya Rashi's birthday with her grandparents. The first few photos were taken the morning of the party, as Anya Rashi helped me make Chicken Makhani. This girl LOVES to eat raw onions!

Flower cupcakes were the order of both parties, after months (starting in July!) of deliberating between different ideas by our then-2-year-old. In my family, my brother has a January birthday, and I'm happy to say he didn't mind sharing his celebration with Anya Rashi (pink flowers and all!).

A small dream of mine also came true with one particular birthday gift: my Mom repainted and spruced up a little wooden cupboard for Anya Rashi's gift. The cupboard was originally made by my Grandpa for my Mom when she was a little girl. My sister and I played with it when we were kids, and now it's being passed on to a third generation in our family.

The cabinet makes me appreciate two of my grandparents' character traits: they were very fun and creative, and like most who lived through the Great Depression, they were very thrifty. The wood for the cabinet came from a truckload of scrap wood delivered by a local paper company to my grandparents' house in the country. (My grandpa later worked for the same paper mill.)

Every summer, a load of wood was dropped off, and the five kids (one more would be added to the family a few years later) would spend time during the summer removing nails so they could burn it throughout the winter to heat their house. Grandpa built the cupboard out of this scrap wood -- on one side of the cabinet, the raised words from a peach crate are still visible beneath the white paint. The knobs on the cabinet doors are halves of thread spools, painted red to my Mom's little-girl delight. My Grandma sewed most of the family's clothes, and saved spools because of their potential uses.

I'm so proud of my grandparents' legacy, and my Mom was as happy as Anya Rashi to play with it non-stop for 30 minutes after they brought it into the house.

You may notice that we have current photos again! A friend of ours' mother had read on the blog that our camera was broken, and gave us a (very nice!) camera that she no longer used. I felt like God had given me a big hug and reassured me that He is watching out for us as we save each penny for our current adoption. I won't use her name, because I know she would never want "credit" for it -- she's such a sweet woman.

Spelling bee

2010-01-20T14:16:00.000-08:00

We are SO proud of Aaron! Today was the all-school spelling bee, and he did a wonderful job. There were 12 kids on stage representing the 3rd- through 8th-grade class winners. Our boy was cool, calm and collected, and did a fantastic job cheering for each of the other contestants as they spelled their words. Because the microphone was set as a vague "medium" height to accomodate the different ages, he had to stand tall and reach his chin up to the microphone. :o)

Aaron lasted through many rounds, and correctly spelled the word "monopolize" among others! He ended up in 6th place after battling with the word "subterranean." What a great morning for him -- his love of reading definitely showed today!

There were a few other highlights: the first was seeing how Nathan supported his big brother. He prayed for Aaron this morning before school, and it was so sweet. Then, during the spelling bee, we could definitely pick out Nathan's voice as he cheered his guts out after each word Aaron spelled.

The second was seeing what a great, encouraging atmosphere our teachers and staff have created. Every time a child disqualified and had to leave the stage, the crowd of students clapped, and there were kids patting them on the back, giving high fives, and whispering "good job" as they took their seats.

All that, and Anya Rashi was an angel during the bee, playing quietly, drawing and looking at books. What a great day! (The photos are from our family's "boy" trip to the Field of Dreams this summer. We had never posted them, and wanted to share.)

Current events

2010-01-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

First and most importantly, we are thanking God tonight for the safety of our church's children's pastor and his family. They are spending three months in Hinche, Haiti to serve in a variety of capacities -- and we feared the worst when we heard about the earthquake. Their youngest son Jeffrey was adopted from Haiti, and their other four children are getting a chance to live and serve in his birth country. I'm sure God is planning to use them in all kinds of surprising ways with the needs brought on by this emergency. Our church had sent a medical team there in November, and was planning a trip in February too . . . I don't know yet if they will change the trip dates to help earthquake victims. If you'd like to help, our adoption agency is sending contributions -- just click on the link to Dillon International on the sidebar.

Closer to home, we are appreciating "normal" life even more in the face of such a disaster. Our blessedly mundane current events this January include Anya Rashi moving into a big-girl bed, Nathan participating in his second Pinewood Derby, Aaron competing in a spelling bee . . . and this mama getting her first nesty item for our new daughter.

Anya Rashi, you'll notice, is clutching two ziploc bags of assorted household objects. (Don't worry . . . we don't let her sleep with plastic bags!) Right now, one of her favorite things to do is collect very random items in a bag, then give it to someone with a bright "Happy birthday! Here's your present!" Today's present consisted of a refrigerator magnet, two bracelets, a book, and some plastic dishes.

She has also taken to e-mailing her baby sister several times each day. I open up WordPerfect and she types away (like this: ssssssslll77777777xxx) and clicks the X to send it. Her favorite e-mail topics are sharks, pirates, and ships (surprising choices, since we live an hour's drive from Lake Michigan, much less the ocean!).

We spent last Saturday morning at the Pinewood Derby races. My brother Matt helped Nathan design and build his car, the Blue Bullet, complete with a silver stripe down the middle and flames on the sides. Race day is always fun, but the best part was watching my brother and my son work together on the car.

Not to be outdone by the younger ones, Aaron was beaming today after school . . . he won his third grade class' spelling bee, and will move on to the all-school spelling bee next week! Good times! I loved seeing how excited he was, but how he doesn't boast or brag about himself.

Our new baby is still somewhere on the horizon in 2011. We are holding steady at #7 on the list, but I decided to get her the first present from her Mama and Daddy. I had something to return at a store, and couldn't resist getting her a soft, light green blanket. Anya Rashi is VERY attached to her pink blankie, so I wanted to make sure the new little one has her very own. :o)

A decade

2010-01-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

We spent New Year's Eve with some dear friends and their children. All three families brought a pot of soup to share, along with bread and dessert. At 9:00 p.m., we gave 7 kids party horns and blowers (!), and ushered in a new year and a new decade.

All of us adults talked about what we were doing 10 years ago, when the year 2000 was new. (Peter and I had celebrated at a great restaurant in Chicago with our best friends from college.)

As we looked back, it was a shock to think about all that happened in 10 years! None of us three couples had children yet, and after a year of hoping for a pregnancy, Peter and I were wondering if starting a family might not turn out the way we anticipated.

If you'd told us that we would be celebrating 2010 with three children and another on the way through adoption, our jaws would have dropped at the sheer blessing of it. Add to that the fact that Peter and I both still have our parents, and we have far more than we deserve.

I haven't written much about the end of our year on the blog, because it's been hard. In addition to the first two funerals I wrote about in November, I've attended three more. Five funerals in five weeks . . . and a friend I used to work with is in the final stages of cancer, so I know there will be another funeral soon. We have other friends walking through difficult times right now, too, with fears for their children's health and their own, or with job troubles. My head has been spinning.

But, along with saying goodbyes, I've been so blessed to say hello to a dear friend's new baby. She is a first-time mom at 43, and she and her husband are bursting with joy. Another friend is due any day with her first baby, who will also be a long-awaited blessing. When I think ahead to finding out this year who our next daughter will be, it's another reminder that joy still exists in the midst of sadness.

So, I guess I'm feeling some emotional fatigue. Last night, it was good and necessary to remember where we were 10 years ago, and to remember that even though we don't know what's coming, God does. He's not surprised by any of it, even when I am -- and that goes for both the sad things and the times of rejoicing. I'm actually grateful that I don't know what's going to happen ahead of time because it forces me to stay focused on God's character: consistent, loving, and trustworthy, no matter my circumstances are.

If I were someone who makes New Year's resolutions, I guess that would be mine. May your 2010 be filled with the same focus, and the joy that comes along with it . . . no matter what each of our circumstances are.

2009 year-end quotations

2009-12-27T13:20:00.000-08:00

Well, since I drastically under-ordered our Christmas cards (math is obviously not my strong suit), I thought I'd share part of our letter online! Each year, we write down funny things the kids say, and it's the only part of our Christmas letter anyone ever talks about. :o) So, in place of a real, mailed card, here are a few photos and our year in quotations.

Anya Rashi:
(at the library, seeing a girl dressed in a princess outfit) LOVE that!

(I promise, I tried not to pass along my phobia) I see clowns . . . I scared.

(about a girl with extremely long hair) That girl got BIG hair.

My eye have a sore spot. Can you take out my eye and fix it?

The moon is out in the daytime! Hey Moon, I'm not sleeping anymore!

I love my really pretty Daddy.

God is in my heart? God in mine tummy too?

I'm Super French Fry!

Mama, mine baby sister can hear me in India? HEY, BABY SISTER? YOU COMING?

(after Aaron & Nathan told her to "blow kisses for the camera") No way! People need kisses, not cameras!

Nathan:
(after being told that he'd need to sit still in a nice restaurant) Just so you know, that's going to be really hard for me. I have loads of energy. I'm like a suitcase packed with live things!

(after the boys prayed for our pet parakeet to get well) Once again, God's work is done, right on schedule!

I'm doing something embarrassing right now. I have a ball of rope in my underwear.

Roll me up in my blanket like a tuxedo -- I mean a burrito!

Aaron:
(playing with Nathan) Okay, the first chicken is named Kyle, the second chicken is named Barry, and the third one is named Roadkill.

Best conversation of the year:
Nathan: Anya Rashi, do you want any hugs and kisses?
Anya Rashi: I want ham.

She's three!

2009-12-19T12:33:00.000-08:00

Anya Rashi is now a three-year-old! Here are a few things we want to remember about you at this stage:

You weigh 30 1/2 pounds and are 38 1/2 inches tall. You wear size threes and fours, and your shoes are size 7 1/2 and 8. You are in the 90th percentile for height, and the 50th for weight -- which explains why we have trouble finding pants that will stay up!

The night our family celebrated with birthday cupcakes and your present (a box of new dress-up clothes), you started sleeping in your toddler bed. You are doing very well in it! There will be more birthday party fun with grandmas and grandpas after Christmas.

You love painting, playing in the snow, PlayDoh, cooking and baking with me, and pretending to be a baby bug, baby giraffe, baby dog, baby bear . . . etc. And Daddy and I must be the corresponding Mama bug, Daddy giraffe, etc. You also have a vast array of "boy" skills, thanks to your older brothers, including some awesome light saber moves.

Nearly every day for the past three weeks, you have grabbed paper and a pen or markers to write a letter to your baby sister.

You speak in long sentences, and have a lot to say! Much of it is crystal clear, and for some things, you've chosen to hold onto your first baby pronunciation. This seems to have sentimental value for you, since you only do this for words like "grandma" (dabya), "Nathan" (th or dll), and "princess" (peena -- that has led to some embarrassing moments in public places!). The other charming speech thing that is very unique is that you say many "f" sounds like "s" -- so "flip flops" becomes "sip sops," etc. I could try to correct it, but I'm enjoying the cuteness too much!

When we come to an automatic door, you are convinced that your magic arm moves are what make it whisk open for us. :o)

Yesterday you told me that you wished I could go back in my mommy's tummy so I could be a baby -- so you could hold me and take care of me. That's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard!

This special day makes us think about two people on the other side of the world. We often wish there were some way to let your birthparents know that you're well and happy, and that we are forever grateful to them. Until we have that opportunity, we will continue to pray for their circumstances and those times when they miss you and wonder how you are.

Happy birthday to our favorite three-year-old in the whole world.

Two years ago . . .

2009-12-12T16:03:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today, Peter, my sister Alicia and I met Anya Rashi for the first time! It was 70 degrees in Kolkata, which felt balmy to these Wisconsin natives, who had left below-zero temps to fly off to India. On that day, we showered, made a few nervous phone calls to the baby home, and prepared gifts for the Ayahs. Then we piled into the car with our driver Nayeem and drove off to a changed life.

My most powerful memories of our visit to the baby home are that the ayahs cared very much about the children (especially one very young woman who teared up watching us hold the baby she had cared for over the past 12 months). I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pick out our daughter's face among the other babies . . . but there she was, and I knew her instantly.

Anya Rashi was not entirely happy to meet us, however! I knelt down beside the crib she stood in, and talked softly to her so she could see that we were safe people. Peter and I took turns holding her, and the ayahs gave her a bottle to soothe her. Then, we tearfully thanked the staff who watched over her. I had purposely learned how to say "thank you" in Bengali, but my wits left me, and I completely forgot in the emotion of the moment.

Then we packed ourselves back into the car, and she fell asleep on my chest. What a lovely feeling that was. It's hard to believe that tentative little baby is the noisy, joyful, busy little almost-three year old wandering through my kitchen right now. Happy two years together, Anya Rashi!

The best Christmas gifts

2009-12-04T17:33:00.000-08:00

If you remember way back when, I posted that a script I wrote would be produced this Christmas. Well, faster than I can believe it, the show dates have crept up on me. I saw it last night with some friends and family, and was totally astonished. I will see it again on Sunday with the boys, and with my 90-year-old neighbor Ann. (She's been my date for the past 6 years, since Peter is the director and has to be there early.)

I wrote most of the script two years ago while we were waiting for Anya Rashi. I had a four-month window after Nathan started kindergarten, and before we traveled to India -- that's when I wrote the bulk of it. Then, this fall, three experienced writers helped me polish it up into the final draft.

I was really nervous watching the show during the first act -- my hands were like ice, and I was experiencing what can only be called flop sweat. :o) It was really fun to hear how the actors chose to say lines, see how it was staged, and see how the music and lighting made the script three dimensional. We have some very talented singers and actors at our church, and it was very humbling to see how much they've invested.

The other surprise was seeing how the audience reacted. It was really thrilling to hear them laugh, or catch the Biblical references in our modern retelling of the first Christmas. And it was so touching to hear people sniffling when the two main characters are changed because of the poor, pregnant, unmarried couple, and when the Christ child (a real baby of someone in the cast!) and his mother emerge from a homeless person's shack (our modern version of the manger).

The very best thing, though, is knowing that this show is having a spiritual impact. After the show, people are invited to begin a relationship with Christ if that's something they've never done before. That is the entire reason our church does a Christmas musical, and it's the thing that makes me happiest about having this script performed. One of my uncles was at the show last night, and said that he wanted to know Christ as his savior. His decision, and that of others who attended, is the best gift I will receive this year.

Since I don't have photos of the show, I thought I'd post our Christmas card photo -- my other favorite gifts, along with Peter!

Whirlwind

2009-11-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a bit of a whirlwind here -- and our camera broke, so there have been no post-able photos for the last few entries. We're using a disposable camera so we don't miss anything important, but I can't upload those pictures, unfortunately.

We've been joyfully following along with the three (soon to be four) Dillon families who are in India right now meeting their children for the first time! Congratulations to the families of Mason, Keira and Pala -- your long wait is over! We are also celebrating with the families of Maiya and Alesha, who just received their referrals and saw the first photos of their beautiful little girls. (On a more self-centered note, that also means we've moved up 2 spots on the waiting list!)

The past few weeks have been very busy with normal life, and with more frequent rehearsals for the Christmas show at our church. It's a family affair this year . . . Peter has directed the show for the past 9 years, my brother Matt helped design the set and is working to finish it, Peter's brother Bob loaned his expertise for the medical scenes (it's set in an ER, and he's an ER doctor), and it's my debut as a playwright. I haven't gone to any rehearsals -- I'm waiting to be surprised when I go to the show. :o)

We've also had our share of sadness in the past several weeks. Our dear friend Joel's father passed away after an inspiring battle with cancer. He and his wife Mary Ann were so graceful and strong through the past year, and showed me (and many others) what it's like to be honest about fear and grief, while remaining solid in the knowledge that God is still good during our pain, and that Jerry gets to meet the Savior he's loved and served for many years.

My aunt Yvonne also died unexpectedly last Sunday. She and my uncle Ernie just celebrated 50 years of marriage in September, and they have a grand legacy of caring for others through Habitat for Humanity, tutoring Hmong school children here in our local schools, mission trips to Mexico, and their five children. Two of my cousins shared about their mom at the funeral, and it was so beautiful to hear the everyday ways she loved her kids, and about moments of transforming mercy and tenderness when Yvonne truly lived out the grace of Christ's love.

Please pray for Mary Ann and Ernie and their children as the holidays approach. It will be a hard year for them.

The list!

2009-10-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to say that we are officially on the waiting list for Baby #4! Tami, our case worker and the co-director of the India program at Dillon International, e-mailed this morning to make it official.

It's a little goofy that we're so excited to reach this step, since we will be likely be here for quite a while . . . but we are excited, nonetheless! Families are told to expect to wait about 12-18 months, so we still have lots of time before we see the first photo of our next daughter. (By this time next year, we may not be quite as excited about being on the list. Ha!)

Hmmm . . . I'll have to think of something fun to celebrate . . .

Cold weather = crock pot + book

2009-10-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

Since we've had our first two frosts, I am dusting off the crock pot and having the urge to sit down with a good book! I want to share an Indian recipe that my family loves, and that I will make for Diwali. It's a lighter version of Chicken Makhani, a.k.a. "Butter Chicken."

Chicken Makhani

2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs or chicken breasts (can be frozen)
1 medium onion, diced
6 garlic cloves, chopped
4 Tbsp. butter
15 cardamom pods (sewn together with needle and thread)*
2 tsp. curry powder
½ tsp. cayenne pepper
2 tsp. garam masala
½ tsp. ground ginger
1 14-oz. can light coconut milk
1 6-oz. can tomato paste
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
1 cup plain yogurt (can be fat-free)
　
Place frozen chicken in 5-quart or larger crockpot. Layer with diced onions and dot with butter, and place cardamom seeds or pods in the middle of the layers. In a medium bowl, mix tomato paste, coconut milk, lemon juice, garlic, curry, cayenne pepper, garam masala, and ginger. Pour the mixture over the chicken. Cover and cook on low for 8-9 hours or high for 4 - 4 ½ hours. 30 minutes before serving, remove and discard cardamom pods. Remove pieces of chicken and shred, then return it to the sauce to stay warm. Stir in plain yogurt 15 minutes before serving.
Serve over brown, jasmine, or basmati rice.

* If you can't find whole cardamom pods, you can empty out a cheap tea bag and fill with the equivalent amount of cardamom seeds. 18-20 seeds = one pod. Just tie the ends of the tea bag with kitchen string and let it steep in the crock pot.

The Indian book recommendation is Motherland by Vineeta Vijayaraghavan. It was in the "young adult" category at our library, and is an excellent, universal examination of family and growing up. The main character is a young woman in high school who goes to live with her uncle, aunt and grandmother in south India for the summer. She grows to understand and have compassion for her family members in a new way.

Because she is an "outsider" in some ways as an American, the book had many insights for me about the culture and tradition of that part of India. It was a great read!

Cozy up and enjoy the crisp weather!

Adoption update

2009-09-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

Since our first three children are usually the stars of this blog, I thought it was time to write about Baby #4 for a change. Where are we in our adoption process? Right now, we are waiting for the State of Wisconsin to apostille our documents so we can send off our India dossier and officially join the other families on the waiting list.

We hit a few snags with pulling our documents together -- one notary on a reference letter had forgotten to write when her commission expired, and somehow we didn't see the fine print about our birth certificates. They needed to be issued in the past 12 months, and Peter's was too old.

So, we hopped in the car and drove to another county to get new copies. We made a fun trip of it, just Peter, Anya Rashi and me (the boys were in school). He showed us the school and church he went to, where his parents worked, and the house he grew up in until he moved to our city when he was 15. We made the best of a minor frustration. :o) I was just grateful that he didn't grow up in another state!

But we had hoped to already have our dossier sent in by now, so we feel a bit like we're wading through molasses to get this step finished. We will breathe a big sigh of relief when it's officially out of our hands. It is a little funny to think how eager we are to join the waiting list -- by next autumn, I'm sure the waiting list won't seem nearly as exciting to us!

So, that's where we are. Meanwhile, we have our three to keep us busy. The picture at the top of this post is Anya Rashi, all ready for "school" at the YMCA. She is so proud of her lunch box, which she calls her back pack -- and she is the best reminder that someday, this wait will be over.

6 hours later:

And right now, I just have to add that she's charging through the house with a frisbee balanced on her head, a wooden back scratcher in one hand, hollering "I'm Super French Fry!" And then, "I'm going to India!" This will no doubt convince the authorities to speed up our adoption . . .

Lasts and firsts

2009-09-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have brought many 'lasts' and 'firsts.' We squeezed in a few 'lasts' as we tried to hang onto summer for a few more warm days: our last trip to walk the trails at a local nature center before the leaves change colors, our official last summer trip to our favorite ice cream place, last roasted corn on the grill, and our last trip to the Lake Michigan beach in Milwaukee with Aunt Alicia.

Our 'firsts' included all three children's first days of school! Aaron entered 3rd grade, and Nathan began second grade. Even Anya Rashi is attending "school" at the YMCA while I go to a strength and resistance class. It's one hour, three times a week, and she brings a little lunch box with her snack -- this is by far the most exciting part of the deal for her!

She is doing wonderfully there, and loves the routine. The hour she attends includes story time, snack and arts/crafts. What more could a girl want? She was very proud of herself after her first visit, and beamed as she told me "Mommy, I not cry!"

Our autumn schedule is now in full swing as well, bringing Aaron's first boychoir rehearsals, and Nathan's first Cub Scout field trip to a rehabilitation center for birds of prey. He asked so many questions that I think the presenter was worried he would eventually ask something she didn't know the answer to! We also had our first multi-boy sleepover in the tent . . . which was kind of a misnomer, since not much actual sleep happened . . .

I'm experiencing a 'first' of my own -- a full-length script I wrote was chosen to be produced at our church this Christmas. It's called A Star Over Us, and is a drama about what the first Christmas might look like if it happened today. The first act is set in an emergency room, and the second act happens on the streets of the city outside the hospital.

I'm a kind of shocked that it was chosen, and excited to see what it looks like when it's staged. (Although I do have to say that it feels a little bit strange to think of 3,000+ people watching something I wrote . . .) Mostly, though, it feels like my Christmas came early this year!