Somewhere in Bangalore . . .

. . . there is a little girl who might be our daughter someday! Yesterday we received some VERY welcome news from Dillon International, our adoption agency. Several Dillon families have been matched with an orphanage, and ours was one of them! It is such a joy to finally see something happening that will bring us closer to our daughter.

This news is by no means a guarantee, though -- the orphanage has the right to refuse our paperwork (if, for example, they have no children meeting the parameters for which we've been approved). So we will be holding our breath for the next few weeks, praying that they accept our dossier and that the next months will bring a referral.

For people who went through the process more than two years ago, this probably all sounds very strange. In the past, Dillon worked with only one orphanage in Kolkata. But with the revised process in India, all families become part of a "pool" of adoptive families under one government authority, and we are assigned to whichever orphanage currently has children with paperwork ready, or who meet the family's criteria. It's designed to be a faster way to place children in families -- and we certainly hope that will be true in the future.

For now, though, we wait for news from Bangalore . . . and pray for a good news for our friends who have not been matched with an orphanage this week.

March creativity

The month of March is very fickle in our state. This week we are having a glimpse of spring, with temperatures close to 60 . . . while last week, we had a storm that dropped five new inches of snow. A few people got creative, despite everyone's longing for spring. With Peter's help, our kids built a fort using 5-gallon bucketfuls of snow. Our lawn was nearly scraped bare of snow by the time they were finished! A few blocks away, some neighbors made a 5-foot-tall replica of the statues on Easter Island. It was a big hit -- while I stood on the sidewalk taking a photo, I saw another driver slowing down to take a picture with his phone.

At home, we were happy to host Anya Rashi's first "friend" party, a belated birthday celebration. Because her birthday is also her homecoming day -- and falls during the week before Christmas -- we have always celebrated her actual birthday just with family. But with her world opening up in Pre-K this year, we decided to host another party for friends after the holidays were over.

The theme was craft activities, and the girls made flower rings, tissue paper carnations, bookmarks, lanterns, and wooden spoon dolls. It was definitely different from the many pirate/snake/space-themed "boy" parties we've thrown over the years, and was a reminder of how much our lives have changed since our sweet daughter joined our family four years ago.

Anya Rashi did very well with all the hubbub, and remembered to thank everyone each time she opened a gift. Even when she opened one gift that was something she already had, she thanked the giver profusely. We were so proud of how gracious she was all afternoon, and thrilled that this "first" was so much fun for her!

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You may have noticed the new "Cupcake Kids" button on our sidebar. If you have some creative, compassionate kids in your family, you may want to get involved with this opportunity. It's a child-driven effort to help raise funds to support children who live in "remand" homes in Uganda. If you click on the button, you can learn about their stories. After I heard about this, I mentioned it to the moms in our Bible study. Our six families have 20 children between us, and each family will be helping with the May 5 Cupcake Day. If you'd like to participate, you can "officially" register on their web site and your kids can be part of changing the lives of children who desperately need help. Drop me a comment if you do participate -- it would make my day!

A season of "yes"

It's March 1 today, which brings us to a season we've never experienced before: being three years "pregnant." We submitted our first sheaf of paperwork to Dillon International back in March 2009, when Anya Rashi was only 2 years old. I've been joking with some other frustrated, sad adoptive moms about how good we look for being in our 12th trimester . . .

Ironically, next month I am emceeing at a women's retreat where the theme will be "Seasons of Life." They will be using the four seasons as a metaphor for our lives with Christ, and for the hardships and joys that this life contains no matter what our age or life stage is.

A question kept occurring to me as we got closer to this three-year mark: if we'd known it would take this long, with no referral in sight, would we still have started this adoption? There are a hundred different angles to this question, but most of them boil down to the question of trust. Do we trust the One who led us to adopt in the first place? Do we trust that we heard His voice whispering that there was another little girl halfway across the world who belongs in our family?

Many times in this life, we are asked to do something without fully knowing what it will entail. So, to you, our as-yet-unknown daughter, we say a resounding, joyful "YES." Our hearts have broken many times thinking of you and all the other children waiting for families, and that makes us say even more strongly, "yes, yes, yes." With tears, with joy, with all our hearts, yes.

A conversation about skin color

Well, this afternoon we had a conversation, the kind that many adoptive parents dread. Anya Rashi was sitting at the kitchen table doing a Perler bead project. Out of the blue, she said, "Mom, I wish my skin was white like yours."

Inside my brain, it sounded something like this: "Aaaaaughh! Despite our best attempts, we have raised a child who is not comfortable with her beautiful, brown, Indian skin! We are failures at parenting!" Thankfully, although she is very perceptive about other people's emotions, Anya Rashi cannot yet read minds.

What I actually said was, "Hmm. Why is that, sweetie?"

Anya Rashi: "Because it looks funner to be white."

Me: (WHAT??!) "What do you mean?"

Anya Rashi: "Well, most of the kids at my preschool are white, so it just seems like it would be more fun."

Me: "What about A___, I___, and B___ in your class? They don't have white skin."

Anya Rashi: "No, they don't, but I still wish I had white skin."

Me: "How come?"

Anya Rashi, pointing between herself and me: "So we could look like each other."

Me: "So you wish we looked like each other . . . because we love each other?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes."

And then, I'm not kidding, she starts belting out a song from the movie "Mulan." A movie which she has not even seen -- but she heard this song on a Disney CD we checked out from the library. The lyrics go like this:
"When will my reflection show
Who I am. . .
Inside?"

For real.

So, I recovered my wits and said, "Do you know that people with different-colored skin can love each other and be a family?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes."

Me: "And do you know that I love you?"

Anya Rashi: "Yes!"

Me: "And that you're my favorite 5-year-old on the whole planet?"

Anya Rashi: "Well, my favorite 5-year-olds are A___ and K___ from preschool."

And then we went on naming other favorite people, and ended with me saying, "You know what? I'm glad you tell me what you're thinking about. I love that."

Yikes -- these conversations pop up out of the blue. The first time we talked about skin color, Anya Rashi was three years old. We were looking in the mirror as I helped her brush her teeth. She said out loud that we didn't look like each other, so I asked her what was different about us. After talking about our skin, hair and eyes being different, she stuck out her tongue and said, "But our tongues are both pink!" And then she was done with that conversation.

Since that first time, we've talked about skin color many more times, and I hope we are building a pattern of being able to speak freely about the ways we look different from each other, and how our family looks different from other families. This was the first time she said she wished she had white skin, though -- that kind of threw me for a loop.

We've had conversations about skin color when she sees other people of color at a our sons' school, at a store, etc., when we've read library books about people of color, or she sees people of color in a video or on TV. Or just when it's on her mind. Children are absolutely not color blind, which is a good thing, because the world they're going to be living in is definitely not color-blind either.

We have two books that I love for encouraging conversations: "Amazing Grace," about an African-American girl who wants to play the role of Peter Pan in her class play, and "Martin's Big Words," about the life of Martin Luther King Jr. Once after reading these books aloud, my middle son said, "It's a good thing that we don't have to worry about racism anymore." I love his sweet, pure heart -- but his comment also reveals the reality that race is something Caucasian adults and kids aren't forced to deal with very often.

So how are you handling the topic of skin color with your children? Have they brought it up, or have you chosen to introduce it first? I'd love to have everyone chime in about how they're navigating this subject, and share what's worked well (or not!). Edited to add: And I really do want to hear from everyone -- if you're a Caucasian parent with Caucasian kids, it's just as important for you to be talking about race/appearance and racism . . . and if you don't have kids yet, please also chime in about what you plan to do.

Chola Tikki

Here is the recipe my friend Michelle used for the delicious chickpea patties! It's from a web site called Manjula's Kitchen, which is a great resource for those new to Indian cooking, because it has videos of each step of the recipes. Enjoy!

CHOLA TIKKI (Chickpea Patties)
1 cup boiled chickpeas
3 medium potatoes
1 Tablespoon shredded ginger
1 Tablespoon chopped cilantro
2 chopped green chilis, seeded (adjust to taste)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Oil to shallow fry or bake

For garnish:
Plain yogurt
Cilantro or coriander chutney
Tamarind chutney or tamarind sauce

Boil potatoes until tender; drain and let cool. (Note: do not cool potatoes under running water because the potatoes will keep absorbing water and become mushy.) When potatoes are cool, peel the skin off and mash them. Drain the water from the chickpeas and blot excess water off with paper towels. Mash chickpeas coarsely; do not make smooth. Mix all ingredients together; adjust salt and pepper to your taste. With oiled hands, divide mixture into 8 or 10 equal portions and shape each into patties, keeping them about 1/2-inch thick. Heat oil in skillet; oil should cover the surface of the pan generously. (Test oil readiness by dropping a little piece of tikki in oil; tikki should sizzle.) Place tikkis in pan and shallow fry on both sides until both sides are golden brown. If the tikkis are very dry, use more oil as needed without making them too greasy.

To serve, drizzle some yogurt and chutneys over hot tikki.

Variation: To bake in oven, preheat to 350 degrees. Brush oil generously on both sides of the tikki, and bake on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes, then turn over and cook for another 10 minutes, or until golden brown.

India Republic Day Feast

In a happy coincidence, we had a feast of Indian food yesterday, which happened to also be India Republic Day. My friend Michelle wanted to bring a meal to say "thanks" for helping her out a few times by bringing her son home from school, and was in the mood to try some new Indian recipes. Little did she know that one of my love languages is having other people cook for me!

She brought over a delicious assortment of dishes I've never made before: chickpea patties with tamarind sauce and coriander chutney, aloo curry, and a mild but flavorful green bean and pea dish.

The potato (aloo) curry was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten, and it was delicious! I had already spooned some of it on the kids' plates before I saw the whole chili peppers cleverly hidden under cilantro leaves . . . and Aaron took a big bite before noticing that his mouth was about to erupt in flames. So, naturally, I took his picture.

I enjoy spicy food, so this dish, accompanied by yogurt and jasmine rice, was a treat. Even with my "cast iron" stomach, though, I could feel the burn. Nathan and Anya Rashi were good sports about tasting it, even after they saw Aaron's reaction! The chickpea patties were a big hit, and Michelle prepared them the healthy way: brushed with oil and baked, instead of fried.

Michelle's investment of care and time for this meal made me feel so loved! And what a fantastic way to celebrate the world's largest democracy, and our daughters' birth country.

Progress, Pinewood Derby and a Product Review

Doesn't everyone wear sunglasses to shovel snow at night?


Progress!
Today brings another baby step in our adoption process! Our wonderful case worker stayed up into the wee hours last night registering us (and our fellow Dillon families) with CARA, the government agency that facilitates adoptions. Thanks to her, we have an official case number with CARA, and are in their system.

Then CARA will be selecting 100 families from outside India to be matched with various orphanages. We don't know if we will be part of that 100, but we are praying that we will! Needless to say, we are thrilled to have heard news twice in January, after such a long dry spell in 2011!

Meanwhile, family life is humming along. My brother Matt helped Nathan create his Pinewood Derby car, which is the fourth year he's loaned his expertise and woodworking equipment. We had a blast on race day, and took Matt out to lunch (another fun part of the tradition).

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And in honor of the cold weather (it was -6 here last night!), I decided to post a good, warm recipe -- and my first-ever product review. The Indian recipes I've experimented with have all been "from scratch" so far. In the interest of branching out -- and for convenience on busy evenings -- I decided to try a pre-made Indian sauce.

I tried the Taj Ethnic Gourmet brand Punjab Saag Spinach Sauce. ("saag" means spinach). One of my favorite dishes is Chana Saag, chickpeas with spinach in a creamy, tomatoe-y sauce, and that's why I chose this particular sauce from their line. It cost $4.25 at the natural food store where I found it, and I found it online for $3.99.

You can add tofu, chicken, shrimp, or cheese, but I mixed it up a little and used chicken and chickpeas. I've been wanting to eat more vegetarian meals, but the rest of my family are meat lovers, so this was my compromise. When I first opened the jar, the tomato aroma was a little overwhelming, and reminded me a little of Chef Boyardee products from my childhood. (Those are not fond memories.) I decided to start cooking the chicken and chickpeas to see if it improved as it cooked -- and happily, it did.

But I still decided to enhance it with a little garam masala and black pepper, and I added some milk to make it creamier. For color, I added some frozen peas as well, and the results were terrific! (Aaron is reading over my shoulder, and says I should say it was "astounding.") Everyone liked it, which is no small feat for a family of five. The only thing they requested was more chicken next time.

If you'd like to try my doctored-up version, here is the recipe:

One 16 oz. jar Taj Ethnic Gourmet Punjab Saag Spinach Sauce
6 oz. water
3 chicken breasts*
One 15 oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
3/4 cup frozen green peas
1/4 cup milk or plain yogurt
1/2 tsp. garam masala
black pepper to taste

Mix sauce and water in large skillet. Add chicken, garam masala and pepper and cover; cook on medium heat, turning chicken every ten minutes or so to cook evenly. After 30 min., add chickpeas and green peas. Cook another 15 minutes, or until chicken is thoroughly cooked and peas are hot. Use two forks to shred chicken in the pan, and stir in milk or yogurt. Serve over jasmine or basmati rice.

*You can also use frozen chicken breasts -- just increase the cooking time. Chicken should shred easily if it's done; if it's difficult to shred, simmer it longer.