As of tomorrow, we will join that elite group in the adoption world known as the "Four Timers Club." If you haven't heard of it, it's because we are a small, exclusive group -- and we sincerely hope you will never have to join us!
Tomorrow we will drive two hours each way to renew our fingerprints for the fourth time. Sarah's family and Karen's family have gone before us, so we are in good company . . . It has been a privilege to take this journey with them, but I wish none of us had to be part of this particular club.
We did receive an e-mail from our orphanage today containing our court documents, and it included a beautiful new (to us) photo of Kavya! But no passport news yet. It gave me goosebumps to read the official statements that we are her parents -- that will tide me over for now.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
No passport, but good news from Show Hope!
I wish I could tell you that Kavya's passport is done (not yet!!) . . . but we are smiling today about something completely different! We received some great news today.
Waaaaaaaay back in 2010, the adoption grant organization Show Hope told us that they had chosen our family to receive a grant toward Kavya's adoption. And today, they communicated with our adoption agency, Dillon International, to say that it's time to send the grant award!
What a thrill to be reminded that God was providing for this final part of the adoption over three years ago -- and how grateful we are to each person who made our grant possible by donating to Show Hope.
We will have many travel expenses, and many post-adoption expenses such as required visits from our social worker. It is such a gift to have this grant to help cover that!
Thank you, Show Hope!
Waaaaaaaay back in 2010, the adoption grant organization Show Hope told us that they had chosen our family to receive a grant toward Kavya's adoption. And today, they communicated with our adoption agency, Dillon International, to say that it's time to send the grant award!
What a thrill to be reminded that God was providing for this final part of the adoption over three years ago -- and how grateful we are to each person who made our grant possible by donating to Show Hope.
We will have many travel expenses, and many post-adoption expenses such as required visits from our social worker. It is such a gift to have this grant to help cover that!
Thank you, Show Hope!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Interview with an adult Ind*an adoptee
Last week, I had the privilege of sharing a long conversation with Esther. She is a stunning, smart, articulate 25-year-old woman, who is passionate about living for Christ. She also shares something in common with our daughters -- she began her life in India, and was adopted by a family in the United States.
Esther is the niece of a friend, and we first chatted last summer at a wedding. She graciously agreed to be part of a longer conversation with me about her experiences growing up as a girl of color in a predominately caucasian environment, and her thoughts and feelings about being adopted. She also agreed to invite all of you into the conversation. Thank you so much, Esther!
A little bit of Esther's history . . .
Esther's life began like many of our children's stories: she was born to a young, unmarried woman who was unable to care for her. Her birth mother made sure she was safely brought to an orphanage. One other really amazing thing she knows about her history is that Mother Theresa visited that orphanage when Esther was a baby, and prayed over her and the other babies.
When she was four months old, Esther was united with her adoptive family and came home with them to the Midwest. She has one brother who is her parents' biological child, and another brother who was also adopted from India. She grew up in a very small town, and then moved to a medium-sized city when she started high school.
Her experiences with racism . . .
As a young child, Esther lived in a small town and attended a small private school that was nearly all-caucasian. She and her brother were teased and bullied because they had brown skin -- Esther thinks it wasn't actually about any racial stereotypes about Indian people in particular, but simply because kids singled them out because of their skin color. It was very painful for them, and she felt that the school didn't take the problem seriously. When Esther started high school, her family did move to a larger, more diverse city. She said it was completely different, and she didn't experience teasing or bullying during high school.
Esther's encouragement for us is to take seriously what our kids tell us, and be assertive with our kids' teachers, school principals, and guidance counselors. We need to be prepared to insist on a response from our school if/when our kids encounter racism or bullying. She also said that parents need to strongly consider their environment when adopting transracially -- if we live in small, predominately white towns, we should seriously consider moving to a more diverse town or city.
She also mentioned that her brother, who was also adopted from India, has been on the receiving end of some racial profiling at the airport. He is always subjected to the full-body, invasive searches at airports because of his appearance. And he encounters further scrutiny because he is diabetic and uses an insulin pump.
On traveling to India this year . . .
Esther was part of a mission experience called the World Race. (It's an 11-month trek around the world serving others, and experiencing what it means to share the Gospel in different settings.) She spent time serving in India, part of which was spent working in an orphanage. Returning to India sparked many questions and thoughts for her -- about children who grow up alone or in poverty, about her own journey as an adoptee, and about her birth mother. She feels she is just beginning to process everything, and highly recommends finding opportunities for our children to visit their birth country.
Her thoughts about being adopted . . .
Esther's family didn't talk a lot about adoption, or do things to connect to her birth culture (such as Indian cooking, clothing or heritage experiences or camps). She wishes now that more of those elements had been present, especially simply talking about adoption. As a young girl, she didn't realize her family was different than other families, which was healthy in some ways. She said with a smile that she just thought "the first kid comes out with pale skin, then you have brown ones." In elementary school, someone called her "adopted," and it was the first time she really put the pieces together that she had been born to someone else, then brought into her family.
She recommends talking often with our kids about their stories, and being frank and open about what it means to be adopted. She also mentioned that she and her brother often perceived things differently, and she recommends praying and being thoughtful about what each individual child needs. Esther emphasized that kids understand things differently at different ages -- so it's really important to listen to how your children phrase things, so you can discern what they're thinking.
As an adult, she deeply appreciates the chance she had to grow up in a family, to be introduced to Christ, and to escape the poverty or exploitation that may have been her future with no family. She wonders if she has biological siblings or other family in India, and hopes to find answers about that someday.
The "missing piece" . . .
She talked about a sense of something lacking that has been with her as long as she can remember. Her parents divorced when she was 9, and she and her brother lived with her dad after that. She has sometimes felt a sense of detachment with her family, and wonders if that is the result of their particular family dynamics, or if it's about being adopted. She said that question stays with her -- "is this an adoption thing, or just how our particular family is?" And there are no solid answers in the end, which feels unsatisfying.
She talked about being generally happy about her family and her life, but still having that lingering feeling of a "missing piece." She thinks it's important for parents to know that about their adopted children -- that sometimes there will be a feeling of incompleteness, and it's not a judgement on us as parents.
She encouraged us to build families and homes where it's safe and okay to express feelings like loneliness, anger, and sadness. Our kids need to know it's okay to feel ambivalent about their history, and that it's okay to experience conflicting emotions: loving your adoptive family, but wondering about all of the might-have-beens had she been able to stay with her birth family.
Other encouragements for adoptive parents . . .
Esther said that words of encouragement and belonging are important for every child, but may be even more vital for adopted children. She encouraged us to speak words of affirmation and life to our children. For her at times, and for many adopted children, are lingering questions: why was I abandoned? Was there something wrong with me? She recognized that this question happened at times when she was vulnerable in some way, and believes that it was part of a spiritual attack on her. As a result, she also encouraged us to pray consistently for our children not to believe those lies when they pop up.
What's next for Esther?
The next destination for Esther is Spain! She is working and fundraising for 6 months of education about missions work, specifically using film/documentary filmmaking as a medium to advance the Gospel. She has earned a B.A. in film production already, so this is continuing education about applying that knowledge. She will be with the G42 organization, which is based in Houston, Texas.
If you'd like to thank her for sharing honestly with us parents about her thoughts and feelings, please consider making a donation toward her time in Spain. (That was my idea, not hers -- but I hope we can surprise her!) If you'd like to help her, private message me on F*cebook, or use the e-mail address to contact me (it appears if you click to leave a comment).
Monday, September 23, 2013
Preparations!
We are getting ready to have our 26-month-old daughter come home! We've been to the travel clinic -- and somehow, I was the only one who required vaccinations. (How did that happen?) The booster chair is in place at our kitchen table, bins of girl clothes are being sorted in the family room, and there is a suitcase for Kavya in the living room. We've put the child-proof locks on the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, and I bought diapers and wipes for the first time in years. Kavya, you are one joyfully anticipated little girl!
We also did a family game/experiment on Saturday to help our older kids understand a little bit how confusing things will seem for Kavya when she first arrives. This is something I thought up in the early morning hours. I don't know about other soon-to-travel moms, but I have woken up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. a few times in the past week, thinking of many trip-related, daughter-related things.
So here is the game I dreamed up: we had the kids do a chore, but all of the parental instructions/talking was in gibberish. When I told Peter about it, he was a great sport, but I could tell he kind of thought I was losing my mind! :)
We have talked a lot with the kids about how confusing and scary everything will likely seem to Kavya, but we wanted to bring the discussions a little closer to home. We wanted them to feel confused, and be able to empathize with how strange it would be to not understand anything we were saying. We also wanted them to see how much our tone of voice will speak to Kavya -- that how we sound can really help her feel safer.
The chore we did was taking the old felt chair pads off our kitchen chairs, and replacing them with new ones. Then we filled a bucket and scrubbed the floor (full disclosure -- the chair pads took a while, and so Peter ended up doing the scrubbing to save time, and to save my back).
It was HILARIOUS. Peter was awesome at improvising and speaking gibberish, and I ended up using lots of (very bad) French because I'm not quite as silly and creative on the fly as Peter is. We explained the basic idea to our kids, but they didn't know what the chore would be -- so they really had to work hard at first to understand what we were asking them to do. And when the kids banged a knee or scraped a finger, they could see how our consoling tone and kind touches conveyed love and concern . . . mission accomplished!
After the game was over, we debriefed a little with them, and talked about how they felt throughout the game. It was a fun way to make all the discussion about Kavya's first days with us much more tangible for our kids.
In other travel preparations, I'm going to the chiropractor again today. Although I continue to have painful days, I am on a slow but steady path toward healing. I continue to have trouble sitting in chairs -- unless it's in my straight-back wooden chairs at home, or on the edge of a firm chair. Thank you, everyone, for praying for me . . . and please keep on praying for continued healing.
We also did a family game/experiment on Saturday to help our older kids understand a little bit how confusing things will seem for Kavya when she first arrives. This is something I thought up in the early morning hours. I don't know about other soon-to-travel moms, but I have woken up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. a few times in the past week, thinking of many trip-related, daughter-related things.
So here is the game I dreamed up: we had the kids do a chore, but all of the parental instructions/talking was in gibberish. When I told Peter about it, he was a great sport, but I could tell he kind of thought I was losing my mind! :)
We have talked a lot with the kids about how confusing and scary everything will likely seem to Kavya, but we wanted to bring the discussions a little closer to home. We wanted them to feel confused, and be able to empathize with how strange it would be to not understand anything we were saying. We also wanted them to see how much our tone of voice will speak to Kavya -- that how we sound can really help her feel safer.
The chore we did was taking the old felt chair pads off our kitchen chairs, and replacing them with new ones. Then we filled a bucket and scrubbed the floor (full disclosure -- the chair pads took a while, and so Peter ended up doing the scrubbing to save time, and to save my back).
It was HILARIOUS. Peter was awesome at improvising and speaking gibberish, and I ended up using lots of (very bad) French because I'm not quite as silly and creative on the fly as Peter is. We explained the basic idea to our kids, but they didn't know what the chore would be -- so they really had to work hard at first to understand what we were asking them to do. And when the kids banged a knee or scraped a finger, they could see how our consoling tone and kind touches conveyed love and concern . . . mission accomplished!
After the game was over, we debriefed a little with them, and talked about how they felt throughout the game. It was a fun way to make all the discussion about Kavya's first days with us much more tangible for our kids.
In other travel preparations, I'm going to the chiropractor again today. Although I continue to have painful days, I am on a slow but steady path toward healing. I continue to have trouble sitting in chairs -- unless it's in my straight-back wooden chairs at home, or on the edge of a firm chair. Thank you, everyone, for praying for me . . . and please keep on praying for continued healing.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
A bump in the road -- please pray
Last week, I injured my back. It's not a new thing for me -- I have lots of back issues, including scoliosis, a separated pelvis during my second pregnancy, an SI joint that doesn't stay how it's supposed to, etc.
Usually, working out faithfully at Strength Class keeps my back healthy, but every couple of years it gets tweaked just the wrong way, resulting in excruciating pain. As in, worse-than-either-of-my-unmedicated-labors kind of pain.
So for the past week, I've been icing my lower back, going to the chiropractor, etc. I am slowly seeing some improvement, but the thought of those upcoming flights to India fills me with dread. And even more -- the thought that I might not be able to pick up or carry Kavya? That is my worst fear.
In the midst of it, Peter has been wonderful, taking on many extra "mom" duties. And family and friends have pitched in and brought meals, or stayed with me in case I got "stuck" again and couldn't move. I've been so, so grateful for them.
But that travel deadline (the one we are SO looking forward to!) is looming large for me. Would you please pray for me? Please pray that my back would be healed, and that I will be able to tolerate the flights, and hold my daughter.
Usually, working out faithfully at Strength Class keeps my back healthy, but every couple of years it gets tweaked just the wrong way, resulting in excruciating pain. As in, worse-than-either-of-my-unmedicated-labors kind of pain.
So for the past week, I've been icing my lower back, going to the chiropractor, etc. I am slowly seeing some improvement, but the thought of those upcoming flights to India fills me with dread. And even more -- the thought that I might not be able to pick up or carry Kavya? That is my worst fear.
In the midst of it, Peter has been wonderful, taking on many extra "mom" duties. And family and friends have pitched in and brought meals, or stayed with me in case I got "stuck" again and couldn't move. I've been so, so grateful for them.
But that travel deadline (the one we are SO looking forward to!) is looming large for me. Would you please pray for me? Please pray that my back would be healed, and that I will be able to tolerate the flights, and hold my daughter.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Her name, and her lovely face!
Late last week, we received the news that our written court order has been signed by the judge! We are now officially K's parents!
The signed court order means that many things can now happen. Our adoption has been officially registered in-country, and our orphanage can apply for her passport. We've been told that her application will be sent in this week, and we will be waiting 4-8 weeks for for it to be completed.
Then when her passport is finished, we can book our flights to India! After 4 1/2 years, I can't believe we are just weeks away from traveling to meet her!
That court order also means that we can share more details about her, and post her photo online!
First, we are happy to announce that K's name is Kavya. We plan to name her Kavya Monika Ann. Like we did with our daughter Anya, we chose an Indian name and a family name for her, and kept the first name she was given. "Kavya" means "poem." "Monika" means "wise counselor," and I know two moms named Monika. "Ann" is part of Peter's mom's name, and he has a sister named Anne, which means "gracious."
Second, we are thrilled to finally share her lovely face with you! This is the first photo we saw of her, taken when she was 10 months old. As you can imagine, we fell in love with those huge, expressive eyes . . .
The signed court order means that many things can now happen. Our adoption has been officially registered in-country, and our orphanage can apply for her passport. We've been told that her application will be sent in this week, and we will be waiting 4-8 weeks for for it to be completed.
Then when her passport is finished, we can book our flights to India! After 4 1/2 years, I can't believe we are just weeks away from traveling to meet her!
That court order also means that we can share more details about her, and post her photo online!
First, we are happy to announce that K's name is Kavya. We plan to name her Kavya Monika Ann. Like we did with our daughter Anya, we chose an Indian name and a family name for her, and kept the first name she was given. "Kavya" means "poem." "Monika" means "wise counselor," and I know two moms named Monika. "Ann" is part of Peter's mom's name, and he has a sister named Anne, which means "gracious."
Second, we are thrilled to finally share her lovely face with you! This is the first photo we saw of her, taken when she was 10 months old. As you can imagine, we fell in love with those huge, expressive eyes . . .
(We have two more pictures from last December, but are having trouble converting them to a format that this blog template will allow. We may try to post those on F*cebook.)
We have a few more details about her that we will share here: she was 5 pounds, 10 ounces when she was born, and weighed 14 pounds, 10 ounces when this picture was taken. That is smaller than any of our other children at the same age. Since we don't have a current weight or height, we will be guessing about what size clothing and diapers to bring. But we don't even care about that -- we are just so excited that it's time to think about packing things for her!
We are thrilled to have Kavya make her "debut" here, and even more thrilled to be so close to seeing her in person! Every night finds us praying that God will prepare her heart and mind for the enormous change coming her way, and that He will keep her safe and well during these last few weeks. We are coming soon, dear Kavya!
Monday, August 19, 2013
Aloo tikki for Rakhi Day
First, a bit of good news -- Anya's travel visa is finished and in our hands!
Second, this Wednesday is Rakhi Day (also called Raksha Bandhan), our favorite Indian holiday! It celebrates the bonds of love between brothers and sisters. Our kids exchange and wear string bracelets to symbolize the ties between siblings, and give each other candy to symbolize the sweetness of their love for each other.
This spring, when Sunil was visiting, I tried a new recipe that I'll be making again for Rakhi Day. It's a type of flavorful potato patty served with tamarind or mint chutney. You can make it as spicy as you wish by adding more chopped peppers. We received this recipe when we attended Dillon International's India Heritage Camp last summer -- which is open to any India-adoptive families, by the way, not just those who have worked with Dillon!
ALOO TIKKI
6 medium potatoes, baked, peeled and mashed
1/2 cup peas
1 Tbsp oil
2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 Tbsp. cumin
2 Tbsp. finely chopped ginger (or 1 tsp. ground ginger)
2 Tbsp. chopped coriander leaves (or 1/2 tsp. ground coriander)
2 Tbsp. chopped green chilies
(anaheim peppers or poblano peppers are a good substitute if you can't find fresh green chilies)
1/2 Tbsp. red chili powder
1 Tbsp. chaat masala*
1 1/2 tsp. garam masala
2 Tbsp. chopped cilantro
In a large bowl, mash the baked potatoes. Add oil, peas, salt, cumin, ginger, coriander, chilies, chili powder, chaat masala, garam masala, and cilantro. Make tikkis (patties) about 3 " in diameter. Brush the tikkis with oil, and place in a single layer on a cookie sheet or baking pan. Broil for 10 minutes, then turn over and broil for another 5 minutes. Serve with tamarind chutney and mint chutney.
*If you don't live near an Indian grocery store, you can G*ogle "chaat masala" to find recipes for the chaat spice combination. Penzey's sells garam masala.
Yummy! An easy, tasty side dish to replace mashed potatoes or french fries . . . Enjoy!!
Second, this Wednesday is Rakhi Day (also called Raksha Bandhan), our favorite Indian holiday! It celebrates the bonds of love between brothers and sisters. Our kids exchange and wear string bracelets to symbolize the ties between siblings, and give each other candy to symbolize the sweetness of their love for each other.
 |
| Anya helps by mashing the potatoes. |
ALOO TIKKI
6 medium potatoes, baked, peeled and mashed
1/2 cup peas
1 Tbsp oil
2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 Tbsp. cumin
2 Tbsp. finely chopped ginger (or 1 tsp. ground ginger)
2 Tbsp. chopped coriander leaves (or 1/2 tsp. ground coriander)
2 Tbsp. chopped green chilies
(anaheim peppers or poblano peppers are a good substitute if you can't find fresh green chilies)
1/2 Tbsp. red chili powder
1 Tbsp. chaat masala*
1 1/2 tsp. garam masala
2 Tbsp. chopped cilantro
In a large bowl, mash the baked potatoes. Add oil, peas, salt, cumin, ginger, coriander, chilies, chili powder, chaat masala, garam masala, and cilantro. Make tikkis (patties) about 3 " in diameter. Brush the tikkis with oil, and place in a single layer on a cookie sheet or baking pan. Broil for 10 minutes, then turn over and broil for another 5 minutes. Serve with tamarind chutney and mint chutney.
*If you don't live near an Indian grocery store, you can G*ogle "chaat masala" to find recipes for the chaat spice combination. Penzey's sells garam masala.
Yummy! An easy, tasty side dish to replace mashed potatoes or french fries . . . Enjoy!!
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