Part 2: When in India, be advised to kindly remain flexible

Today was Kavya Day!  We went in a little "blind", since our adoption agency had never worked with the Society of Sisters of Charity before, or known anyone else who had completed an adoption with them.  They had provided no details about how this day was going to work, so we went in with an open-ended attitude.

We've followed other families who adopted from India, and heard a range of stories about having scheduled visits with the child for two days, then bringing them home on the third day.  Or, as with Anya, we've known many families who meet their child and bring them home right away on that day.  We didn't know what to expect, and found out quickly that we would need to be flexible.

The nuns who greeted us seemed surprised to discover that we had come from a hotel.  They explained that families in the past have come to them right from the airport, stayed there for a few nights, then leave with their child to drive right to the airport to fly to Delhi.  Up until then, we hadn't heard any details from them about how the transition for Kavya was going to happen.  The nuns told us that, because she is older, they want her to spend a few days getting to know us before we leave with her.  We can see the wisdom in that plan, and decided to talk to our hotel staff about an earlier check out than we first thought.  It looks like we will be checking out of our hotel tomorrow, and spending Friday night and part of Saturday there . . . until it's time to go to the airport at 2:00 a.m.

So that was our first surprise.  With that straightened out, we headed in to meet our daughter!  They took us to a room, where we waited for a few minutes.  At last, we saw a nun coming down the hallway carrying our precious girl!

She had just woken from her nap, and was pretty quiet and groggy. The sisters brought us a tube of English biscuits (cookies) to help break the ice, then they left us alone with her.  We talked with a very quiet little Kavya at first.  Then we got out the Color Wonder supplies, which were a big hit!  She loved playing with them, and also with the Color Wonder markers and paper we brought along.

She is bright, spunky, funny, and AMAZING.  We had such a great time with her, and saw smiles and laughter from her.  The nuns described her as "very smart" and sometimes "naughty."  They also said she loves to eat.  She is petite, and seems small compared to my boys at her age.

She wanted to go to Peter at first, then came to Nancy.  We could hardly believe this experience was real.  We took turns giving her pieces of biscuit, and she ate almost an entire tube by herself.  She has a great sense of humor, too.  Anya had picked out a stuffed duckie for her, and we had a lot of fun sitting the duck on a shelf and knocking him off.  Anya was so sweet with her, laughing and giggling, and talking in a high voice to her.  It was just unbelievable to finally be in the same room together!

We did have one last surprise . . .we asked about her medical conditions.  Her Child Study Report said she was born with a cleft palate, and the nuns noted that she had some degree of "hearing defect."  Over the past year, we've educated ourselves about cleft lip and palate, and started to learn American Sign Language to prepare for whatever she needed.

Turns out there's not much need for that!  The sisters said she had a repair surgery done when she was 6 months old (though it's nowhere in her child study report).  And the sisters said her hearing is just fine!  Talk about an answered prayer!  We will still have her examined by an ENT specialist, just to make sure everything is okay with her ears, and that her surgery healed well.

So things are a little up in the air . . . tomorrow, we eat breakfast, then pack up and head to the orphanage to stay for a few days.  Then we will wake up at 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning,  and head out for our 7:00 flight!

We just want to take a moment to thank each of you who are reading.  All of you helped us fundraise, prayed for us, kept on asking how the adoption was going even when months went by with no news.  And I'm thinking especially of Rick, Jeanne, and Jon -- whose commitment to children, and to our child, set them apart.  How I wish they could be here for the final chapter of this particular story . . . and the first chapter of a whole new one.

And we also thank my sister Alicia, who has been present as each of our four children entered our family.  She took all of the photos in this post (and many more), and has been a huge encourager during this nearly-five-year process.  I can't believe she willingly signs on for long flights, unpredictable travel plans, and hanging out with us for 2 weeks.

We are so incredibly blessed, and look forward to seeing Kavya again tomorrow.

Part 1: Out and about in the morning

Sorry to do this in a two-part post!  But otherwise it's going to be super long . . . we thought that we'd better get out and see a little bit of Bangalore before we have a new two-year-old along for the ride.

When we set off in the car, Anya started talking about things she was seeing outside her window.  That started a conversation about what was different between Kolkata and Bangalore.  She asked for paper, and began writing up a list of things that were the same, and thing that were different about the two cities.  She has been doing very well with having her schedule thrown so dramatically off kilter.  She is such a trooper about traveling, and has done remarkably well with the different environments we find ourselves in, and the sightseeing and travel schedule. Her main obsession during the trip has been counting dogs that are loose on the street: we have seen 52 so far!  A close second for her is counting cows, which are allowed free reign in India.

We began our day by visiting one of the well-known Hindu temples.  We've noticed that there are many more temples here in Bangalore than in Kolkata -- you don't have to go far before you see tiered sculptures ornamenting a roof, telling you that you're near another temple.  We visited Belurmath, or The Bull Temple.  There is a massive sculpture of a bull there, and we walked through the temple to see it from all sides.

Next, it was on to Tipu Sultan's Palace.  Built in the 1700s, this summer residence is harmonious and symmetrical, and was completed in 1781.  There were fire buckets and extinguishers all over the place because it's made of teak wood, and is very flammable.  There are museum labels on the first floor showcasing the history of the structure and Tipu Sultan.  Here again, young people asked us to take their photos -- so we insisted on taking their picture in return!

We then went to a park in the heart of Bangalore.  As we walked, we saw the Parliament Building, the High Court for Karanataka state, and a public library.  We loved the park -- there were lots of people enjoying the sun and trees.  There was a tiny girl named Manya startling a flock of pigeons . . . we loved watching her run toward them, only to become shy at the last minute while they rose in a startled flurry.



Then it was time to head to Kavya's orphanage . . . so we began the one-hour drive, thinking that we would soon be stuffing another little person into our already-full car.

Revisiting our first days with Anya Rashi

Today's plan of action was centered on Anya Rashi. Ever since we began Kavya's adoption process, we hoped to bring Anya along for the trip to India. We wondered if she might be too young to find the trip meaningful -- but then the adoption process helped us out by taking a really long time!  We decided to visit some of the same places we went when we first ventured out of our hotel room with her, St. Paul's Cathedral and the Victoria Memorial.

She's seen photos of our previous visit  in her scrapbook, but since she was only 1, she has no memories. It was fun to tell her about how we walked through crowded streets to the Cathedral and the Memorial with her in the baby carrier.  We spent lots of time walking in the beautiful gardens and grounds.

We were surprised and delighted to find that the same Nativity scene we saw 6 years ago was still on display at the Cathedral!  They'd moved it to a different location on the grounds, but it was so much fun to show Anya the life-size figures, all of whom had tan/brownish skin and black hair (except for one wise man, who was causasian), even baby Jesus.  The interior is beautiful, with breathtaking stained glass.  And one detail made it very Indian: dozens of ceiling fans to use during the 8 hot months of the year!

The Victoria Memorial includes some old-school displays of Indian history and Victorian-era art.  The exterior and the grounds and gardens were the main attraction for us this time.  It is a green, peaceful oasis in the midst of a city bustling, congested city of 18 million.

I don't know if I can adequately describe how busy Kolkata is.  During our last visit, our hotel was just a few blocks from these two places, so we decided to walk there with Anya strapped into the Baby Bjorn carrier.  Let me tell you, we suddenly realized we could literally die on the way there!  Between the traffic driving on the "wrong" side of the road, the six lanes of vehicles crammed into space for two, and sidewalks that are as busy as the road -- walking anywhere is an adventure!

After our tourist/memory lane stops, we relived the walking experience.  Our afternoon plan was to visit ISRC, the baby home that cared for Anya.  We wanted to bring a little something with us, so we asked our driver Pintu to bring us somewhere to buy children's medicine and candy.  We went to a place called New Market, where we found a pharmacy.  The customer service in Indian shops is unbelievable -- everything is behind glass, so you point out what you need, and a clerk gets it for you, and another clerk writes up a bill so you can pay.

Then, to find a candy shop, Pintu led us a few blocks away to the Old Market, which began in 1847.  It was a rabbit warren of open air and enclosed shops, selling food, clothing, home items, jewelry and more.  It was colorful, chaotic and energizing.  We stopped at a shop to buy some nuts for the staff, and Anya picked out a bag of lollipops for the children.  I don't know how many of them are the right ages/will be able to eat a lollipop, but in her mind suckers are the pinnacle of treats, so we went with it!

Then it was on to the two locations operated by ISRC.  The first place we went was the building where they care for children with more profound special needs.  The ladies do a great job caring for children, some of whom have been there for their entire lives.  With the help of Illuminate India (a non-profit started by several adoptive moms!), the children receive speech and occupational therapies and several of them are making great progress with the new therapies.  There were a few kids there who really captured our hearts -- gorgeous children, each created lovingly in the image of God.

When the ayahs first opened the door for us, we told them that "Rashi" (the name Anya was given when she arrived there) was visiting.  Three of the women worked there when Anya was a baby, and remembered her!  We remembered Durba and Gita too, and have photos of them from our 2007 visit.  They cried out "Rashi! Rashi!", and caressed her cheeks.  They asked how old she was now, and a few other questions (there was a little bit of a language barrier) -- and showed us around the place.  We remembered seeing Swarnadip and Prasun in those same rooms -- both of those boys are now home with their families, and thriving!

After our tour, we went to the baby home where Anya spent her first year.  Ms. Roy, the director (who gave Anya the name "Rashi") was there.  She had a terrible cold, and had missed a few days of work this week -- we suspect she came in just because we were there.  We talked for a while in her office about the new India adoption process, and about some other families who adopted children around the same time as Anya -- and I said hello on behalf of a recent mom (Maggie!).  She held Anya's face in her hands, and asked about her age and schooling.

Then we headed in to see the room where Anya spent most of her baby days.  It seemed smaller than we remembered, but it brought back vividly the emotions and experience of meeting our girl for the first time.  We showed Anya where her crib was, then took some pictures -- and then we oohed and aahed over some of the beautiful children being cared for.  Most were napping, so we tried to be quiet . . . but three little girls were awake, and it was so fun to see Anya smile and talk to them.

Since we're on the verge of doing the same thing all over again, it made me have butterflies in my stomach . . . I was newly impressed by how many lives are changed through an adoption.  The parents, of course, are blessed with a new child to love, and challenged to love selflessly, promising to provide whatever that child needs.  The child leaves one culture behind, and leaves the only home she has known -- what an enormous thing we ask of them when we ask them to trust us!  It breaks my heart to think how vulnerable and brave our children are, and how scary those first days must be for them.  And the people surrounding the adoptive family are changed too -- that's often how the idea of adoption spreads, and more children find a family.  Adoption can be such a glorious reflection of God's love for us, and how He invites each of us to be part of His family.  It is also a reminder of the value of every person -- every child deserves a family, and every child is worth the time and effort it takes to adopt.

It was such a blessing to have another chance to thank Ms. Roy for the care Anya received there.  She and her staff are dedicated, amazing people who truly want to help children who would otherwise be destined for life in an institution.  We headed for the car, hearts full.

We spent Wednesday morning at a scary children's museum that was frozen in about 1961 -- think creepy dolls and dioramas!! And then we had a great rest of the morning outside at a brand-new Eco Park.  There was a huge rose garden, a lake with boat rentals, broad walking paths (a rarity in Kolkata!), statues, Bonsai trees, and more.  It was lovely -- and a great way to get some fresh air outside the city, before we headed to the airport for our flight to Bangalore.

Tomorrow is the day we meet Kavya -- a day nearly five years in the making.  We are overwhelmed that it is finally time to meet our daughter in person, and so grateful to each person who has played a role in getting us here.  Our next post will be all about her!

We've arrived!

After traveling over 34 hours, we are finally on the same continent as our daughter!  We had our share of travel-related drama, with winter weather that caused a 1 hour delay, then another 3 hour delay . . . and did I mention that we spent those three hours sitting in the plane, then flew the scheduled 12 hours??   The delays made for a harrowing connection for our next flight!  And then our luggage was lost . . . but our hotel has been wonderful about following up with the airline, and we hope to have it back tomorrow.  Anya did amazingly well during the flights, and only had one meltdown tonight before going to bed.  Poor tired girl!

Checking out the koi pond at our hotel.

The important part of all those details is that we're here in Kolkata, where we first met Anya Rashi almost exactly 6 years ago!  After arriving just before noon, we decided to walk about in a nearby shopping center and have lunch at the hotel before heading out to do something cultural.

We chose a historic destination we didn't visit on our first trip: Belurmath Temple.  Located on the banks of the Ganges River, it is an important Hindu religious site, but also an architectural marvel.  The temple features architectural elements form different religious traditions, to emphasize the brotherhood of man.  There were other buildings located on the same site, devoted to different Hindu gods or goddesses.

It was a photographer's dream -- different types of stone or painted surfaces, that somehow worked harmoniously without matching styles, colors, or building materials.  And the entire scene was anchored by the Ganges.  It was amazing to see in person the famous river that we've only seen in films or read about.  However, out of respect for the worshippers and the purpose of the site, no photography is allowed.

It was a place of visual order and peace -- in contrast to the busy Howrah District that surrounds it.  Not only because of the crazy traffic and honking horns, but also because of the contrast of the surrounding neighborhoods in the Howrah District.  There is a huge variety of open-air shops and businesses, and people and dogs and cows, and every kind of vehicle imaginable.  There are shacks built alongside the road that are cobbled together from sheet metal, boards, thatch, blankets -- a testament to ingenuity, and making the most of what's available.

There is always something interesting to watch in Kolkata -- one memorable sight was men transporting long strips of metal or rebar using a bicycle rickshaw.  It looked impossible, but somehow they maneuvered through the packed streets.  I would NEVER attempt to drive a car here myself -- we had an excellent driver who did a great job navigating through the humming crowds of vehicles.

Many Caucasian traveling families have mentioned having their photos taken by Indians, especially schoolchildren.  That happened in a big way today -- a group of children was leaving the temple grounds as we entered and stopped to practice their English on us, take photos with us, and wish us a "Happy New Year"!  I decided that this trip, I would also take their photos, so I have a few shots of the group.  Poor Anya didn't know what to think of all the fuss -- and was too tired to talk much about it.

We did the jet lag trick of forcing ourselves to stay up until 9:00 p.m. or so, so we can sleep through the night.  Anya made it until about 6:00 p.m., and fell asleep in the car on the way back to the hotel . . . I hope she sleeps for 14 hours to make up for our long days of travel!  I'm on the same schedule, so please forgive typos or things that don't make sense!!!

We will post more tomorrow -- we're trying to do a little sight-seeing now, before we have Kavya, so I hope we are able to get out again tomorrow morning!  Good night!

Passport and planning!

The past few days have been a whirlwind of excitement, celebration, and attempts to plan international travel during a holiday week!

Our good news came on the night after Christmas.  Late on December 26, we were checking e-mail for a reply from a sweet India adopting family who had offered to deliver a photo album to Kavya for us.  Instead, we saw an e-mail from our agency with a most welcome subject line:  PASSPORT.

We were both in shock.  After waiting for so many months, I could barely believe it!

The boys were still awake, so we went into their rooms and told them.  The next morning, Anya climbed into bed with us.  We thought of a fun way to share the good news with her . . .  Since the first week of September, we've been telling the kids that we would celebrate Kavya's passport by going to our favorite Indian restaurant.

She stumbled sleepily into our room and laid down with her back to us.  We said good morning, and she mumbled "Good morning" back.  Then we told her, "We're going to S_____ restaurant for lunch today!!" and waited to see when she would figure it out.

After about two seconds, she whipped around with huge eyes, and said, "The passport came?!?"  Yes, indeed!!!

Since then, we've been frantically making appointments at the medical center and the embassy, and working with our travel agent -- we found out pretty close to the weekend, and there are holiday closures this week, so we had a smaller window of time to work with.

Then, just after finalizing our plane tickets and hotel arrangements, we discovered our cred*t card account had been compromised/hacked.  Yikes.  After a few phone calls, we got things sorted out and made sure that when we show up at the airport, our tickets will be there and paid for!

And we took down most of our Christmas decorations to boot.

Tonight, our family New Year's Eve celebration was especially happy as we looked at the empty chair at our table.  It won't be empty for much longer, thank God!

Somehow or other, He came just the same

Merry Christmas to all!  Christmas Eve brings the end of Advent, which means "to come" or "to wait."  I've appreciated that word in new ways this December, as we continue to wait for Kavya's passport.

I thought I might be kind of a wreck today -- when we received Kavya's referral in August of 2012, we never dreamed she would still be in India at this point.  But I am unexpectedly okay, and even celebratory.  I think there are a few reasons for that.

First, in the midst of our wait, I feel surrounded like never before by people who find themselves in heartbreaking circumstances.  Parents watching their child slip further away into addiction, a husband watching as his wife enters the final months of her journey with cancer, a friend whose parents are both hospitalized and undergoing surgeries this week, a relative battling crippling depression.  I am hyper-aware of people dealing with far more difficult things than waiting for their child's passport.

Second, I have been so loved and prayed for by so many people.  Our friends, other adoptive mamas, our church, our families -- so many people are lifting Peter and me up in prayer.

And third, this unexpectedly long and difficult wait reminds me of the place and world that Christ entered.  No one was expecting him -- the Jewish people had endured a few centuries when no prophets were speaking.  His timing, at least for the unmarried Mary and Joseph, was pretty inconvenient (and downright scandalous).  He arrived in a chaotic, overcrowded city that was occupied by foreign oppressors.  Difficult circumstances, no doubt -- circumstances people endured with no end in sight.

Yet, to paraphrase Dr. Seuss, somehow or other, He came just the same!  No matter what is happening on our noisy, messy planet, or in our noisy, messy lives, He came to dwell among us -- the Word made flesh, the fulfillment of many promises, God with us.  He really came here, and invites each of us to follow Him from the manger to the cross, to believe in the forgiveness, peace, and eternal life that is His alone to offer.

That's the main reason I am doing just fine -- no, the reason I'm joyful this Christmas.  Even while missing my daughter (and wondering with the nuns do to celebrate Christmas with the children?), Christ is reason enough to have joy.

Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving and other thoughts

This weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving with our families. Actually, we took advantage of the fact that the beginning of Hannukah and Thanksgiving fell on the same day -- the first time that's happened since the 1880s (and it won't happen again for hundreds of years).  So instead of turkey and stuffing, we ate brisket and beets and the kids played with dreidels.  I still made pumpkin and apple pies though -- gotta have those!

I've been trying to remain thankful during this season of waiting.  And actually, our delayed travel has brought a few benefits.  My back has had time to heal (I lifted weights today for the first time since September), and I've been able to help Peter's mom after her knee surgery, which I wouldn't have been able to do with a newly-arrived 2-year-old.  And we will be able to attend our sons' boychoir concert this weekend too, which we didn't want to miss, since it may be Aaron's last one (due to his voice changing).

But I've also been trying to allow myself to feel sad.  Some days are just hard, as we wait and wonder when we will hear about Kavya's passport. We are definitely having the sensation of missing someone we've never met.  And I am also grieving for the millions of other children living in orphanages in India.  About 8,000 of them will go home to families this year, and they all rely on the same maddeningly unpredictable process to get there.

The dates and timelines keep swirling around in my brain, too.  We began Kavya's adoption when Anya was 2, received the referral when Anya was 5, and now Anya's birthday is two weeks away . . . so Kavya won't be home until Anya is 7.  And it is so frustrating to know that we have legally been Kavya's parents since July 31, when the judge signed our adoption paperwork in court -- and she's still not home with us.

I'm trying to follow the model of the Psalmists, and be honest about every thought and emotion.  I bring it all to my Father, good, bad, and ugly.  And then after being brutally honest about my sadness, anger and frustration, I meander my way back to what I know is true:  He is still good, and He is the only trustworthy thing in this world.

He sees every child that is hungry, lonely, ill, or without a family.  He loves them and weeps over them more than I do. He is still good in the face of inefficiency, injustice, pain, and sadness.  He loves Kavya more than I will ever be able to.

I'd be lying if I said that takes away the sadness and frustration entirely.  But it does give me comfort to focus on something true and good.  And during these last, long weeks of waiting, that is what I need.