Saturday, May 10, 2014

The other mothers

We don't have any photos of our girls' first mothers.  We will likely never have the chance to communicate with them either.  But we are so indebted to them for the gift of our daughters.  In the complex swirl of factors that cause a woman to make an agonizing, heart-rending choice, somehow we have ended up as the beneficiaries of their difficult or painful circumstances.
In a perfect world, adoption would not exist.  In a perfect world, women (and men) would have the resources, support, and ability to keep their children. But this world is far from perfect . . .
In our broken world, however, God is still at work.  In the darkest circumstances, God can weave something glorious and redemptive. The word "weave" is apt -- our lives are forever woven into a fabric that includes our daughters, their first parents, and the women who cared for them in orphanages. 
I grieve for the factors that led our daughter's first mothers to say goodbye to their babies.  I wonder how often they think of these sparkling black eyes and silky raven hair.  I wonder if there is a hole in their hearts that can never be filled.  I know that our delight in our girls came at a high cost to them.
I think of Pinki, the young ayah who cried as we prepared to take Anya Rashi away from the orphanage.  And of Sumi, the woman who asked us if we were going to change Kavya's name, whose eyes filled with tears as she said goodbye to the girl she'd held for 2 1/2 years.
Kavya and Sumi
And I think of the Sisters who shone the love of Christ on our daughter with such tenderness. And of Doctor Sister Gladys, who nursed our daughter through meningitis as an infant, and through surgery as a 6-month-old baby.

Sister Cynthia and Kavya
Sister Lucy and Kavya
These other mothers should be celebrated this weekend too.  I think of them so often, and I pray that somehow they could know the depth of gratitude I feel for all of them.  Happy Mother's Day to all of the women who carried my daughters, whether in their own bodies, or in their arms.  All of us carry them in our hearts.

Kavya's prayer and goodbye service.


Auburn said...

I'm in the same boat. Feeling overwhelmed with both gratefulness and heartache for our girls' first mommy and all the unknowns.

Colista said...

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Elizabeth said...

Well said. Today should have been my first Mother's Day but due to a cancer diagnosis last April 2013 I had to give her up, one month after accepting the referral. She should have come home either Nov 2013 or January 2014. It didn't happen and I am heart broken. They think they got all of the stage III breast cancer but I they have found another mass! I have started a petition about breast density and the need for women to know. Please check out my blo
and the US site

I wish you the happiest of Mother's Day and hope you have a very special day.
Best wishes,

Lucy said...

Dear Nancy,
I'm wondering if you would be open to having me interview you for a blog post? Please email me at if this is something you might be interested in, and I can give you more details. :-)
Take care,