Friday, May 14, 2010

Thoughts about waiting

Anya Rashi's referral photo.
Gidget and April, two of my blog friends, are in India right now meeting their new daughters! (They aren't blogging during their trips, or I'd post links -- there is nothing better than seeing a family created right before your eyes.)

With them on my mind, I've been thinking a lot about the strangeness of meeting a little person you've gotten to know by staring obsessively at photos from halfway across the world. I wonder if it's like an arranged marriage . . .

While you wait to travel, you try to glean ideas about her personality from the handful of photos you've been given. You search each expression and try to see if she's going to be shy, outgoing, creative, athletic, sunny, fiesty . . . and in some ways you create an identity for her. (And that identity may be nothing like her actual personality!)

Then, when you arrive at your child's orphanage and actually feel the weight of your baby in your arms -- you realize that this little one doesn't have any idea that her life is about to change drastically. Although you've had time to let love grow in your heart until it's bursting with joy, she doesn't know this weepy, happy, pale stranger at all.

There was a distinct moment when I realized that, despite my consuming love for her, we were strangers to each other. I was overwhelmed with the idea that she was so vulnerable, yet willing to trust me to feed her and take care of her. What a gift that trust was.

Then the real love begins -- the kind where you really get to know each other, where you're up late with a jet-lagged baby, where you get to see the first belly laughs, where you find out which songs are favorites, where you catch vomit, where you get used to each other. Where real life happens . . . together, forever.

I continue to marvel at the way she fits naturally into our hearts and family. It reminds me that God already knows who our next daughter will be, even as we wait for those first pictures of her.

11 comments:

Kristen said...

She's beautiful! Praying for your adoption!

Amy said...

Beautifully said! I know your next daughter will be just as gorgeous and what a blessing she will be :)

theheartofachild said...

What a beautiful post! I am for sure identifying with the staring at pictures and thinking of her personality! Can't wait to hold her in my arms!!
Jenny

The Labontes said...

It's amazing how we are matched up with these perfect little people. I can't wait to "meet" your next daughter!
Kristy

Julie & Patrick said...

oh how so true this is...

As we study the photos of our princess, we are also so anxious to see who might be waiting to trust in you.

Julie

jasonliberty said...

Love this post!! It is just beautiful!!! I'm praying for your adoption :-)

Liberty

shameme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shameme said...

She is adorable!!, adoption is really a wonderful thing. I bet your next Daughter will be beautiful also. I am Shameme and i am a half Pakistani girl (so just over the border)!! and some of her features are similar to mine!!, i am also small!!. If you ever want to contact me i'de be delighted to hear from you, my address is shameme.adams@gmail.com.
Bye for now and all the
best.

Shameme x

Mommy Missionary said...

A cheese festival sounds ...ah...fabulous! Maybe I'll bop on over! Loved this post! :)

BTW, thanks for praying for my Grandpa. He's doing really well!

Candice said...

So, so true! I can't wait for you to see your next little one for the first time!

Candice

Fantastic Family of 5 said...

Nancy,Hoping your call is so soon. We seen several cute babies when we were there. It all happened so fast,I didn't even think of pictures! Keep hanging on and keep your spirits high. I am not commenting much on blogs,I am only doing it now cause she is sleeping,but felt the need to encourage you:):)I'm only gettin on computer when no kids are around. I am commiting myself to spend less time on here,since the whole adoption I was on it quite often!

Maiya is doing great,and we know it is God who actually put us in her mind,I plan to spill the details soon hopefully next week in our India journal!
Take Care Nancy!! Gidget