Republic Day

These photos from our 2007 trip are a big contrast to the festivities for Republic Day this week. Click on the link below to see the celebration.

India just celebrated Republic Day, honoring the anniversary of the day their democratic constitution was signed. My sister Alicia sent me a link to some photos:

http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/01/26/5922969-republic-day-observed-in-india

I loved looking at these pictures because some of them were taken at a site we visited, on Rajpath near the India Gate and other government buildings in New Delhi. The celebration sure makes the area look different than when we saw it -- it was relatively empty except for the area right by the Gate, where there were tourists, vendors selling things, and even a snake charmer. I just love all the colors that India is awash in -- which are much more evident in the Republic Day photos than in ours!

On the adoption front, I'm hoping that we will hear something soon about the new CARA guidelines, which were supposed to fully take effect in January. I am hoping and praying that the process will begin moving faster once everyone knows what the new process entails.

I have been feeling pretty discouraged this month as the days tick by. I wonder if we will even have a referral by summer, or if our travel will be 18 months away or longer. Now that I'm on the dark side of 40, I feel even more urgency because I don't want to be a fossil by the time this girl graduates from high school!

On days when I have a little more perspective, I can remember that God knows who our daughter is and has planned for her to enter our family in His own time, and I feel a little more peaceful. But the other days are just sad, wondering when it will finally happen.

In the meantime, I've been watching as Anya Rashi's cribmate Devi becomes a big sister. If you'd like to read Julie's fantastic posts about their travels in India and first days with Treya, click on "A Princess Born of India" in my blog list.

A little rambling

I usually take a few moments around my kids' birthdays to record some things about them. Because Anya Rashi's birthday is so close to Christmas, I often find myself waiting until after the holidays to do it . . . so here goes!

At your 4-year-old checkup, Anya Rashi, you were in the 94th percentile for height and the 75th for weight. I still can't believe it! I know that so many of your crib mates are very petite, but you are going to pass me up in height by the time you're 14 at this rate! When I see you next to the kindergarteners at school, it looks like you should get in line with them. :o) You are wearing size 4 and 5 clothing, and size 11 or 12 shoes.

You have some charming habits and games right now. You have an imaginary friend called Tiny Bug. When you waggle your index and middle fingers on your left hand and talk in a high-pitched voice, we know that Tiny Bug has made another appearance. The photo of you wrapped in a blanket is evidence of your delight in saying, "Wrap me up like a burrito, Mama!" After you're folded up in a blanket, your next command is, "Now eat me up!", followed by fits of giggles. You also like to play a guessing game in which we take turns giving clues so that the other person can guess which character we're thinking of.

You love to listen for different letters in words, and spot letters on the page as we read books. Your favorite this week is Charlotte's Web, and you laughed out loud tonight when we read about Wilbur trying to spin a web. You loved reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas in December, and can recite much of it by heart.

When you've done something that's not allowed at our house and hear that you're going to have a consequence, you say, "I am the only who has the good ideas at our house." You also love it if you're frowning and I say, "I have to fix your face," and I use my thumbs to pull your eyebrows from a scowl into a happy face. Both of us end up smiling then.

Your favorite bedtime songs are Jesus Loves Me, Take Me Out to the Ball Game and You Are My Sunshine. You like to sleep with your "fuzzy" blankie and a collection of your tiniest stuffed animals. Last night you made up a "love song" for your brothers at bedtime, and sang about how much you love them. (It's always nice to hear that amidst the "You didn't ask to play with my toys! MOMMY!")

You are still holding onto a few sweet little kid pronunciations. The way you say "mother" and "brother" sounds like "muvver" and "bwuvver." You also still suck your thumb when you're sleepy or have unoccupied time (such as riding in the van). You've figured out how to roll your tongue into an "o", and you've also taught yourself to skip. You are trying to learn how to raise just one eyebrow.

Just now, you're working on a bead project, and out of the blue you said, "Isn't it exciting to get our baby sister?" Yes indeed . . . it will be very exciting.

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You may be wondering about the foot photos . . . I just wanted documentation that my 10 year old son has feet that are almost as big as mine! And that's saying something -- I do not have dainty, demure feet. Aaron's feet are almost as big as my size 9s!

Christmas surprises

Our Christmas was FULL in so many wonderful ways, so much so that I'm not even sure how to write about it. Peter had the week off between Christmas and New Year's Day and it was such a treat to have him home. This afternoon, he went back to work for our Saturday night service, and right in the middle of a craft project, Anya Rashi burst into tears and wailed, "I want my Daddy!" So I guess she liked having him home too!

We spent Christmas Day with Peter's family up in northernmost Wisconsin. The kids were thrilled to walk on the frozen lake at Aunt Anne & Uncle Nick's house, and Anya Rashi helped feed their chickens. The boys went out with their 17-year-0ld cousin Jack to help check his traps; he was hoping for ermine, but they found nothing. We had a great day tromping around in the snow, playing games, making snow angels, and enjoying a wonderful Christmas dinner.

The next day was our turn to host my family. Instead of the traditional turkey dinner, we opted for Italian, and had a feast of two kinds of lasagna, great fresh bread, olives, and salad. I did make pumpkin pie for dessert -- some traditions you don't mess with! My parents surprised us with a family gift of the Wii, which was a huge thrill for Aaron and Nathan. I love looking around my living room and seeing my whole family together.

Two of the best surprises were gift-related. About two months ago, Anya Rashi fell in love with a Princess Jewel fishing game. She talked about it for weeks, hoping she would find it under the Christmas tree . . . and her brothers got it for her! She was beside herself, and hugged Aaron and Nathan, who felt like heroes. The best moment, though, was when Peter opened the gift Anya Rashi chose for him. We were at a store when Anya Rashi spied a gift at the checkout counter and said, "I HAVE to get that for Daddy! He will LOVE it!" So we did . . . and Peter laughed so hard when he opened it: it's a Jesus keychain that lights up like a flashlight. She was right -- he does love it!

We got together with friends, went sledding, had a dinner date at a fondue place, and Peter's parents took us to see a huge light display in a city near ours. We spent New Year's Eve with some good friends -- a former co-worker from my museum days and her family -- and have had a quiet day at home today.

One unexpected thing happened Christmas night, when Aaron accidentally ate something with eggs in it. I don't write about it often, but he has severe food allergies to eggs and peanuts, and each reaction gets stronger. We work really hard to avoid those foods, but sometimes even our best efforts fail. This was the first time Aaron was actually frightened, because he felt his throat getting tight, and he thought he might have to use the EpiPen. (This child hates needles to the degree that he once had a filling done at the dentist with NO anesthetic!) Thank heaven my sister, who is a doctor, was sleeping over at our house and could watch over him along with us. She had her stethoscope in her car, and saved us a trip to the ER by listening to his breathing and helping us figure out how to adjust his medicine doses after he vomited.

He was fine by the time 24 hours had gone by, but it was really frightening. Most of the time, I try to ignore the reality of how dangerous everyday food can be for him. The next day, I was in tears because we thought he'd been exposed again -- and I got on the phone with a grocery store to find out the ingredients in what he'd eaten. Over the years, I have found one positive thing about his allergies: it has reminded me over and over how fragile life is, and how blessed we are to have our children for whatever time God allows us to have. His allergies are an exercise in trust for me . . . trusting the school, trusting other parents, trusting the leaders next year at summer camp, and ultimately, trusting that God will protect him, allergies and all. Wish I were better at that.

Last night, I'm happy to say that we were surprised in a great way: our friends' Christmas present to Peter and I was the proceeds of their autumn rummage sale . . . to use toward our plane tickets when we fly to India. I was in tears all over again at their support and kindness. They and their kids folded all the bills into little paper airplanes (so cute!), and stuffed them all into a zipper bag made by a fair trade company in India. Every part of that gift was so thoughtful! We are so blessed to have them helping us and cheering us on as we wait. I can't think what we ever did to deserve friends like we have . . . but I sure am grateful for them.

My only New Year's resolution for 2011 is that I'm determined to find out who our next daughter is!! I realize that it's not a real resolution, because it doesn't depend on me at all (believe me, if it did, I'd already know!), but it's the thing that's foremost on my mind this January 1st. Happy New Year!

Birthday girl and a sleigh ride

December 16 began with two grown-ups and two big brothers singing "Happy Birthday" to wake up a certain girl who turned four! Determined to take on greater responsibilites with her new age, Anya Rashi immediately handed me her precious "fuzzy" (her pink blankie) and declared, "Mama, you can give this to my baby sister. I won't need it any more!"

(Of course, naptime and bedtime told a different story, and she's happily snuggled up with her fuzzy as I type this.)

She absolutely couldn't wait for Daddy to come home so we could eat her birthday meal of Chicken Makhani, per her request. This was really the first year where the anticipation of gifts was completely tantalizing all day for her. To help the day go by a little faster, she built a fort out of blankets, pillows and our coffee table. She was Tinkerbell (never mind that she's never seen any movie, etc. featuring Tinkerbell), complete with fairy wings, and it was my job to be Buttercup, her fairy friend.

This day was unusual in that she actually played dolls in the traditional sense. Instead of playing dolly hospital, our Tinkerbell was mother to two babies in the fort. I was responsible for four babies -- she's savvy about delegating, apparently. :o)

It was a treat to see Aaron and Nathan eager for her to open their present to her (a little "Dora is a Big Sister" play set), and see them help take the toy packaging off -- no small feat, with all the plastic and wire ties! We also continued a tradition we did with both of our sons, and gave her a really fantastic children's Bible -- the illustrations are outstanding, and the text is great for an older child. She's seen the boys' copies, and was excited to have her very own. (Unfortunately, our cake photos didn't turn out very well . . . we will have to take more in January, when we celebrate with grandparents, aunts and uncles, I guess!)

We decided to use her birthday to transition to her new big girl (twin) bed, which was definitely a hit! In the evening, just the two of us were sitting together. Out of the blue, Anya Rashi said, "I thought I would be bigger!" After a little bit of conversation, I figured out that she thought she would suddenly wake up much bigger with the new, bigger number of four. So funny and sweet!

Something unusual happened on her birthday -- when we were driving the boys home from school, we saw what I can only describe as a rainbow cloud. I don't know if that's an official weather term, but the sun was shining on a nearly transparent cloud, and vertical stripes of rainbow colors appeared in the entire cloud. It was absolutely gorgeous, and we watched it all the way home.

Unrelated to her birthday, we took advantage of our 10 inches of snow this weekend and went on a real sleigh ride with some dear friends. A farm family about 20 minutes' drive from our house offers sleigh rides out to a little cabin they built for their grandkids. We brought all the fixings for a simple dinner, and got to hear the tinkling of real jingle bells on the back of two Belgian horses as our sleigh runners squeaked against the snow. It was pure joy to see the kids' faces as we boarded the sleigh for our sunset ride! Everyone's cheeks pinked up quickly in the 16-degree weather, and we just had to sing "Jingle Bells" as we rode. We roasted marshmallows by the fire, and warmed up in the cabin by a wood stove. The hazy moon peeked out behind trees and clouds as we rode back to the farm, turning the snow silver . . . it was truly magical.

What were you doing three years ago?

Three years ago to the day, we were in Kolkata, meeting our daughter for the first time! We will never forget the walk up that dim staircase to the clean, bright rooms where the babies and toddlers were. Our eyes scanned the cribs until they landed on Baby Rashi's face -- a face we knew and loved from the pictures we'd received during our long wait.

Those first days were filled with wonder that it was all really happening: after two years of waiting, we were finally holding and feeding this new little daughter! We cannot imagine our lives or our family without her.

I can't believe that three years have already gone by. She is so inquisitive, funny, sweet, and opinionated. We love hearing her try to sound out which letters are in a word, we love watching her quick fingers put a puzzle together, and we even love listening to a little grumbling about wearing tights and a dress -- then seeing her light up at the compliments her Daddy gives her.

We love you, Anya Rashi, and we are so grateful that God has entrusted you to us.

Words of hope

I found this quotation, and thought I'd share it with my waiting friends. Although it's not written about waiting during an adoption, I thought it was so profound regarding "a separation whose purpose we fail to understand." I love the hope it casts during the holidays, when separation can feel even more painful. It was written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer to his fiancee, while he was held in a Nazi prison in 1943:

Be brave, my dearest Maria, even if this letter is your only token of my love this Christmas-tide. We shall both experience a few dark hours -- why should we disguise that from each other? We shall ponder the incomprehensibility of our lot and be assailed by the question of why, over and above the darkness already enshrouding humanity. We are being subjected to the bitter anguish of a separation whose purpose we fail to understand. And then, just when everything is bearing down on us to such an extent that we can scarcely withstand it, the Christmas message comes to tell us that our ideas are wrong, and that what we take to be evil and dark is really good and light because it comes from God. Our eyes are at fault, that is all. God is in the manger.

Advent and waiting

This nativity was outside St. Paul's Cathedral in Kolkata during our trip in December 2007.

I haven't posted for a few weeks, for a variety of reasons. First, I've had a horrible cough for nearly three weeks that mutated into something that required an inhaler and some codeine cough syrup to convince it to go away. But now I think I'm on the road to recovery at last. We had three dear friends from church pitch in by bringing us some meals to help me rest . . . their care and generosity brought tears to my eyes, to say the least.

Second, this week is officially our Christmas crazy week. Nathan is in the Christmas musical at our church this weekend, which Peter directs. Aaron's had several rehearsals for his boychoir concerts this weekend.

Third, our van died and (mercifully!) just needed a new battery. We are so blessed with family who stepped in for chauffeur duty at the drop of the hat until the following day, when we put in the new battery.

Fourth, our adoption morale is kind of low right now, and I just didn't know what to write. We heard back from our case worker after her trip to India in November, and there's very little good news to be had. We are cheering for the families with referrals already, as their paperwork has passed the new CWC hurdle in India . . . but the discouraging news is that things are at a standstill right now, and likely to be that way into 2011.

There are a few reasons for this -- until the families already matched with a child get through the court process and travel to bring their children home, no new babies can be welcomed into our orphanage. Every single child there is matched with a family (which is wonderful), but they're all stuck there as the new paperwork process in India gets sorted out. My heart breaks for all those kids growing older every day without their families, and for all the infants and children turned away because there's no room.

Which brings me to the subject of Advent. While we anticipate Christmas, I can't help but think of Mary and Joseph, waiting for their Child, and being turned away from inn after inn because there was no room that baby either.

And I can't help but think of a weary world waiting for the Child to be born, and for the hope that He would bring. We are weary of waiting, and don't know when our journey will end. But just as Mary and Joseph eventually reached their humble destination, so will we. And just as they rested in the knowledge that God called them to their journey, we can find peace somewhere along our own uncertain journey. It will not be comfortable or easy (although I'm sure it's easier than making a 70-mile trip on a donkey while 9 months pregnant!), but we know what the end will be: a daughter welcomed into our hearts, brought to us because of the love we've received from that other Child.

I hope I can hold onto that idea as the wait continues to drag on.