Thoughts about waiting

Anya Rashi's referral photo.

Gidget and April, two of my blog friends, are in India right now meeting their new daughters! (They aren't blogging during their trips, or I'd post links -- there is nothing better than seeing a family created right before your eyes.)

With them on my mind, I've been thinking a lot about the strangeness of meeting a little person you've gotten to know by staring obsessively at photos from halfway across the world. I wonder if it's like an arranged marriage . . .

While you wait to travel, you try to glean ideas about her personality from the handful of photos you've been given. You search each expression and try to see if she's going to be shy, outgoing, creative, athletic, sunny, fiesty . . . and in some ways you create an identity for her. (And that identity may be nothing like her actual personality!)

Then, when you arrive at your child's orphanage and actually feel the weight of your baby in your arms -- you realize that this little one doesn't have any idea that her life is about to change drastically. Although you've had time to let love grow in your heart until it's bursting with joy, she doesn't know this weepy, happy, pale stranger at all.

There was a distinct moment when I realized that, despite my consuming love for her, we were strangers to each other. I was overwhelmed with the idea that she was so vulnerable, yet willing to trust me to feed her and take care of her. What a gift that trust was.

Then the real love begins -- the kind where you really get to know each other, where you're up late with a jet-lagged baby, where you get to see the first belly laughs, where you find out which songs are favorites, where you catch vomit, where you get used to each other. Where real life happens . . . together, forever.

I continue to marvel at the way she fits naturally into our hearts and family. It reminds me that God already knows who our next daughter will be, even as we wait for those first pictures of her.

A few special days

We've had our share of special days lately. First was Nathan's 8th birthday . . . my middle son is getting so old! He had pancakes with a candle on his birthday morning, and was thrilled to receive his first ever video game (so was Aaron, by the look of that picture!). We invited some friends to visit a local museum to celebrate, and shared the party with Nathan's lifelong buddy Jack, who was born exactly one week after Nathan.

Our guy still loves to use his imagination, build with Legos, and do all the fun things he's done for the past few years -- but I can tell he's getting older because he asks great questions, knows so many scientific and historical facts, and tries some new defense lawyer-like logic when he's in trouble! He will be out of second grade in a few short weeks, and we are so proud of his curious mind, compassionate heart, interest in anything outdoors, and fierce love for friends and family. We are immensely grateful that God chose us to be your parents, Nathan.

I also had a wonderful Mother's Day. Saturday night found us at a favorite Mexican restaurant with my Mom, Dad, and sister and brother. Since becoming a mom, my new love language is when someone else cooks for me! We had fun celebrating my amazing Mom with some great food, and our waiter brought us complimentary drinks at the end of the meal -- I'll have to ask my Spanish-speaking sister what it was called, but it was almond flavored, with little bits of almond in it. Delicious!

On Sunday morning, all the kids piled in bed with me to start my day. With a little help from Peter, they remembered that my college sweatshirt was dying a slow death, and got me a new one. (And since it was about 30 degrees that morning, I really wished I could wear it to church!) I also have a coffee gift card to use, and some beautiful earrings Anya Rashi picked out for me.

Sunday evening was spent with Peter's parents, where we discovered that my sweet mother-in-law has kept a journal since they moved to our city in 1984. Peter and I were both in tears reading through good and sad entries, and looking at a book of poems she's written over the years. I have been truly blessed with both of my moms, who consistently honor God by choosing to give selflessly to others.

We also received a very welcome e-mail from our adoption agency -- over the next two weeks, we can expect to see some referrals happening for the families ahead of us! I just love seeing those new little faces, and knowing that these children will have a family to love them forever. We're also pretty happy knowing we will be moving closer to the day when we find out who "Number 4" is -- that's how Peter and I have been referring to her for a few months now. :o) (Hmm. #4? There may be a Brett Favre jersey in her future . . .)

When we got home Sunday night, our three kids were noisy and fun and LOUD. Peter and I exchanged a look over their heads and started laughing about how much louder it will be with another child in the mix. And then one of us may have started a chant: "Number Four! We need one more!" Yikes!

Adoption conversation at the library

This is Anya Rashi in her Easter outfit.

























Anya Rashi and I found a good picture book for adopted children at the library this morning. It's called Star of the Week by Darlene Friedman. If you have pre-schoolers or kindergarteners, you've probably experienced "Star of the Week" -- a chance for children to have a special week at school. Typically, they bring in a poster about their family, tell the class about themselves, and share a treat.


Occasions like this can be complicated for a child who is adopted (as we learned in our pre-adoption classes!), and the author does a great job helping kids navigate the emotional terrain. While celebrating her adoption story, the main character also asks questions about her birthparents and their circumstances. It is a wonderful first look at issues that Anya Rashi isn't quite ready for . . . but will be someday.

While I was talking about the book with Anya Rashi, and telling her that the girl in the story was born in another country (China), a voice behind us said, "I was born in Ireland." A man in his early 30s smiled down at Anya Rashi and asked where she was born.

He told us that he was adopted when he was 7 years old, and still has dual citizenship. He's now married and has three daughters, ages 8, 4, and 1. When I asked him if he could remember much about his earlier years, his eyes clouded over and he said, "I can, but I don't like to." I quickly assured him that I didn't mean to pry, and that it was his story to share or not.

He talked a little more with Anya Rashi about how lots of people are born in one country, then fly in airplanes to come home with their mommies and daddies to another country. I thanked him profusely for joining our conversation. He was so sweet, and told Anya Rashi, "You sure have a great mommy."

This conversation was so restorative -- especially this week, with the news of Artyem, the Russian boy who was abandoned by his adoptive mother. The parallels were striking -- this man was also an older child when he was adopted, and had seemingly been in some harmful, sad circumstances. I wonder if he was a "difficult" boy when he arrived home too, due to the wounds he'd incurred before he was adopted.

The devotion, loving care, and permanence of adoptive parents is so vital to kids who've learned not to trust adults to meet their needs. My heart aches that Arytem did not have parents who were able to commit to helping him, no matter what. And my heart also aches that the media are sharing this story so widely, when the vast majority of adoptions are success stories of loving parents and beloved children.

I never even asked the Library Guy his name -- but I'm so happy that he is living proof of how wonderful adoption is. And I'm grateful that he took time to share his story with Anya Rashi and me.

April snow showers bring . . .

. . . confusion about global warming. Aaron was asking why we woke up to SIX inches of snow yesterday morning, if the earth is getting warmer! We were all oddly excited about it, though -- we've had a few warmer weeks, so the snow felt like a novelty even after a long winter. After school, we made the last snowman of the winter.

Good news

Tonight we had some dear friends over to decorate Easter cookies. Yum! You should see the aftermath -- a hefty collection of cookie decorations on my kitchen floor . . .

This week brings good news in many forms. As some of you know, we've been #7 on the waiting list for referrals (that's adoption lingo for being matched with a child) for several months. The reason was that our orphanage was waiting for a particular license to be renewed by a national adoption authority. They'd submitted the proper paperwork on time, but were not getting any answer.

Earlier this week, we received an e-mail from our adoption agency that said a temporary 6-month license will be issued so that children can continue to be matched with families while they wait for the "permanent" renewal. That's great news for everyone who is waiting! Hopefully, several children's paperwork has been completed, and so several families waiting ahead of us will find out who their new sons or daughters are.

In general, the wait had felt easier this time -- being busy with three kids has made it go by a little more quickly, I think. But with no news since the beginning of the year, I did feel like a little hopelessness was creeping in. As much as we trust that God has a particular little girl chosen for us, and as much as we know that His timing is best, we were wondering, "how long?" What a breath of fresh air and renewal to hear that things will begin moving again!

More good news . . . yesterday, my brother Matt walked away from what could've been a serious accident on his motorcycle. He was hit by a minivan, but thanks to wearing a helmet and leather jacket, he is okay. He has some bumps and bruises, and spent the afternoon and evening at our house so we could watch for signs of a concussion. I was feeling so grateful yesterday that our day didn't end up with him in the hospital . . . God was certainly watching over him.

The other Good News, of course, is that we're celebrating Easter tomorrow. This verse undoes me every time, because it taught me how to forgive after I became a Christian at age 21:
"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 Even before I was sorry for or even aware of my sin, Jesus still chose to die in my place so I could experience heaven someday. I can't believe someone, much less God himself, would do that for me.

Happy Easter!

It's showtime

Tonight is opening night for the Passion Play! Anya Rashi and I watched the first act in rehearsal on Tuesday, and was so much fun to see Aaron and Nathan in their costumes, getting ready for their first stage roles. It's a good thing I didn't take Anya Rashi to an actual performance -- when Peter first came onstage, she squealed "Daddy!!! Daddy!," and Peter almost burst out laughing.

Anya Rashi was a little upset by the scene when Jesus clears out the temple -- she's not used to seeing Daddy yell and tip over tables, apparently! She said, "Let's go get the boys now! Why was Daddy doing all that stuff?" After many times hearing the same reassurances, she seems to be satisfied with the idea that Daddy is just pretending. She has heard the same answer enough times that she can say it herself: "People forgot dat dey were 'posed to be praying in God's house."

A few people have asked about DVDs or recordings of the show. Their web site is http://www.newpassionplay.org/. I don't know how they do sales, but Peter's first year was 2009, if you're interested.

I'm so proud of all my men for helping tell the story of God's great love for each of us. Break a leg, guys!

Beauty parlor, hospital & more!

Wow -- it's been two weeks since I posted, and I don't know how to sum up the time! I'll let the pictures do most of the talking. :o)

A smattering of events from our house these past two weeks:

• Anya Rashi has discovered the joys of playing beauty parlor! Between our two heads, we used every barette in her collection.
• Anya Rashi started playing doll hospital (another favorite game), and Nathan disappeared for a few minutes. He came back with a shirt and tie, and had drawn paper money, and asked to play along. When I asked him what he was going to be, he said, "The hospital's lawyer. That's why I have all this money." I tried hard not to burst out laughing, and he added, "I make sure that everyone has enough money to pay for their treatment." That is certainly a much kinder view than many people have about lawyers . . . and I have no idea where he picked up any of his ideas!
• We had a great time one evening shoveling and taking a walk around the block in the dark. The snowbanks on either side of the sidewalk allowed the kids to lean back and make vertical snow angels. It was fun to see a trail of 3 different-sized angels the next day.
• We had some fun with a few simple science experiments last weekend. All of the kids loved it!
• My mom comes over almost every Tuesday night, just to hang out. When my dad doesn't have choir practice, he comes too -- but this week Grandma was solo. She's such a fun lady, with so much energy. The game she's playing is called Balancing Moon, and has been a favorite "first" game for all our kids.
• Not pictured (mercifully) is the inevitable stomach flu bug that seems to come with each winter. Nathan is fully recovered now.
• Not pictured is my cousin Mike's heart surgery. He's doing well, but still in the hospital. They fixed a problem that was diagnosed when he was 14, and finally was starting to create some complications. He's one of those quieter, steady, good guys, with a great sense of humor, a love of history, and is an avid bicyclist and motorcyclist. He also keeps track of our family's history, and has traveled to the Netherlands to meet relatives. I'm so grateful that he's recovering well. He's also our neighbor -- he lives 2 blocks away.
• Also not pictured is Peter and I doing paperwork for several adoption grants. We didn't apply for any with our first adoption, but are finding it necessary this time around. Please pray that we have some great surprises in store through these grant applications, or from other sources.

Peter is growing his beard -- because he's playing the role of Jesus in the passion play again this year! After investing the time and memorization last year, it's nice to have him be able to do it again. Yesterday, we listened to a recording of one of his songs from the show, and it gave me chills.

Aaron and Nathan are joining the cast this year -- they're singing about four "crowd" songs, and Nathan is playing the (silent) role of Pharoah's son. (At the beginning of the show, there's a montage explaining Passover to give context to Easter. Nathan will be carried onstage by Pharoah, when Pharoah has finally been affected by the consequences of the last plague.)

Anya Rashi, in her current beauty parlor mode, could leave no hair untouched -- so Peter's beard was home to a half-dozen butterfly clips. What a good Daddy -- willing to be photographed in such an undignified state!